went on a short trip to sentosa with the family juz now. wah.. the place really changed liao la, i dun recognise a single thing. probably becoz i haben been there in like 10 years. hah, i sua ku la.

nair mind the place. the experience was fucked up. coz of the company. not say i dun like to go out with the family, but its like they everything also dun wan to go down and try. gimme the map tell me to go see wad attraction nice to go, den went i tell them got this got tt, they complain aiyoh too ex la, cannot la, not interested la, wad sun too hot la, or.. why not juz chop chop tour ard the place and go home i got many things to do at home. wtf..

like tt go sentosa for fuck. nt interested den say so in the first place wad. i nair force u go lor, and i din even suggest the fucking trip in the first place, ur did. waste my fucking sunday gg with ur when i could have made other more constructive plans.

next time i hope to really go sentosa and have fun. seriously explore the attractions or at the very least the beaches. laze in the sun bio char bo in skimpy two-pieces, talk cock sing song, play ball games or simply juz swim in the sea also not a bad idea. spend like mayb 1 whole day or at least half the day there. not like today, go there barely 2 fucking hrs den teng chu kun liao.

think i should call for sentosa outing sometime in the future la. but muz first exercise more and tone up first otherwise go there also paiseh. ha. ha.

gg back to my prison later liao. somemore 1 hr early coz tmr got airborne refresher and mod 2 trg for alot of ppl, myself not included. all the same, got to go back early help them with the stores. sian. but i suppose i shld be happy tt im at least out for the wkend and not stuck in bloody tekong looking for the muzzle. 3 cheers to tay kang wei the hero who found the muzzle. alpha company owes u a big one. haha.

for tonner and lorry.

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yup im back, after a month of absence, im back to gripe abt my miserable existence in hendon camp again. hah.

first things first, ever since i got notification tt i had downgraded like 2 weeks ago, i tot i was home free and in for the good life, meaning i was juz all ready to be posted out and in the meanwhile could juz ba long long everyday.

i was so damn wrong.

seriously, i have no idea what is the fucking problem with the officers in my company, as in they especially like to tekan those of us who have long term medical status, are on pending downgrade or have already downgraded, along with those who keep reporting sick for nothing juz to get status to siam trg.

they juz grp the whole lot of us under 'att bs' and make us do all sorts of saikang..and when there's trg, we have to sit in and observe..in full battle order no less.

alright, i understand if they wan to tekan those ppl who are feigning sickness to siam trg, but what has tt gotta do with us ppl who have genuine medical history and conditions tt dun allow us to be part of the trg troops? i dun think its fucking fair at all to grp us all together and tekan us all the time.

and what's with hanging on to us and making us do guard duty every other day when the rest are outfield? are u really so desperate to squeeze us dry before we get posted out from under ur fucking jurisdiction or do u really juz derive sick pleasure from watching ppl like us suffer for no reason?

and did i mention the insult bit? getting labelled shit and trash and other names when we are juz sitting there and dun deserve such crap? juz the other day, one of the det cmdrs labelled those of us sitting at the grandstand observing the trg as a 'useless pile of shit'. what the fuck is ur problem man? do u really think u have the right to insult us juz becoz we aren't fighting fit like u are?

worse still, this guy is not even a full fledged commando yet. he's from some infantry unit who volunteered for sof but flunked the selection. come on man, if ur really so good, u would be joining the current sof course platoon and not be stuck in the company line doing essentially the same trg as the rest of them but only as a det cmdr. goddamn! u haven't even been to airborne course when most of those labelled 'shit' by u have ald done so and cleared their required jumps! in some sense, if we were not on medical status or downgraded/ pending downgrade, we would essentially be more qualified as a commando than u! fucker!

and when we bring up the issue to the csm during aar session, he juz passed it off as a joke and let the whole company laugh abt it and ttz it. seriously, even though we dun deserve any high respect from u as normal trainees, we at least should deserve our dignity and rights to nt be labelled any-oh-how and be insulted as such. speaking of which, how do u expect us to respect and have faith in ur command when u dun even show us the simplest form of it?!

and the next burning issue is the gpmg muzzle lost during last week's tekong trip. why make us go back over the weekend, and threaten to burn all our subsequent weekdays and offdays if we cannot manage to recover it? seriously there is no logic in doing such a thing. tekong is nt someplace where only commandos train, lots of other units train there daily. how do u expect us to find something so small like a gpmg muzzle after 11 fucking days? its like looking for a needle in a hay stack! do u seriously want to recover it so badly or do u juz wan to tekan us and burn our weekends before the brunei trip next sunday?

tt aside, we did manage to find the blasted thing this morning when we went back. call it a stroke of luck, a miracle or a gift from the gods, wadever. my point is, if we did not manage to get it back, would we really be subjected to the torture of gg back to bloody tekong every weekend and offday before and after brunei to punish us for our carelessness; when a replacement for the fucking thing can juz be indented from the alb and be done with?

seriously, i dunno how they think..the commanders and esp the officers. the way they run the company is so fucked up and they dare tell us we are fucked up when they share half the responsibility for fucking up the whole company! wtf..i really dunno what to expect anymore, juz hope to be posted away from them asap.

fucked up lah.

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so, how did everyone spend their national day? no doubt, many would have been watching the ndp either at home or live, for one last time, at the national stadium. well, i missed it, pity.

really, this is one of those years when i actually looked forward to catching the ndp show on tv, when in previous years i found it boring and lame..this year i really wanted to watch, but in the end, i couldn't..coz i was in town catching a movie with yp. clash of timings, by the time i got home, the show was all but over.

so why did i want to watch the ndp show this year? nt becoz of the parade and dance and singing and other stuff..coz ttz all pretty boring to me. i wanted to watch red lions freefall into the stadium..becoz, this is the one year in so many when i actually won't be juz oohing and aahing over the daring feats of the jumpers and instead be able to recognize some of them as my airborne trainers or the ones who pushed me out of the plane or chopper..haha.

yeah really, ttz my main motive in wanting to watch the ndp. but well, pity tt i missed it, coz i heard it was quite a show. mayb i can try to find clips of it on youtube or some other online video hosting service. hopefully. provided i actually have the time to do so, wad with all my weekends being burned; lasting only less than 24 hrs since i only book out on saturday afternn and book in again on sunday morning to serve my extras. but i guess i have only myself to blame for getting into a fight over area cleaning of all things. hah.

anyway, the night before national day, i only booked out at 10pm coz of some stupid happy hr tt the mgmt planned for us. much unappreciated and redundant in my point of view, thank you very much. we practically spent the whole day in bunk after the morning local parade, doing nothing but juz waiting for the fucking happy hr to start at 6pm. supposed to get our selves pissed drunk and happy like fuck during the event coz the officers and instructors thoughtfully got 3 cartons of beer and some finger food for us. but i din coz i only managed to get my hands on one miserable can of beer; the rest of which were gone by the time i went back for seconds. wtf.. according to the det cmdr, the happy hr was carefully planned out by all the instructors and officers to ensure we have a really good time bonding as a company and stuff like tt. happy hr my arse. i'm quite sure most, if not all of us would have been much happier if they had let us off after lunch instead.

nuff said abt tt..the movie i watched on national day happened to be dragon tiger gate, starring nicholas tse, shawn yue and of course, donnie yen. who looks too god damned old to be a 20 sth young punk like he's supposed to be in the movie. tt aside tho, it was quite an enjoyable show in spite of the crappy story and wooden acting by the star; much compensated by the superb fighting action, esp donnie yen's..which is really the main selling pt of the movie. even pretty boy nicholas tse looked pretty good with his kicks and all, like he really does noe kung fu in real life. haha. and well, as i reflected to frens who asked me abt the show..its juz a show where u pay to watch them fight and nothing else..much like ong bak and tom yam goong starring tony ja. so if u enjoyed both of these earlier action films, den no reason tt u won't enjoy dragon tiger gate. i did. in fact, i feel like getting the dvd when it comes out juz to watch them fight again. after all, i love any action film with donnie yen in it.

well, ttz all for now. wont be back next weekend coz the whole company's gg to tekong for field camp. but i guess i wont be missed la. hah.

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been awhile since i've posted anything here. coz i seriously do not find any meaning in posting any happenings in camp anymore. really, its meaningless..day to day..we are juz rushing through wadever shit is given to us..den waiting ard like idiots to start rushing ard again once the next set of wadever instructions is passed down. really, i feel fucked up, numb at wadever im doing.

its all a pack of lies really. i wonder how long before somebody really flips. of course, when tt happens..they'll juz tell u tt the person who flipped is not mentally fit enough to be a commando. well, fuck them. if being a commando is really all abt this bullshit, den i'm sorry to say, u can keep the fucking sanitary pads to urselves; i have no wish to join ur in being the elite actors of the singapore acting force. so wad if we get the best combat unit every year? so wad if u are the best operational company? i dun give a fuck. its a big act.

throughout the whole camp, signs are posted ard reminding u abt practising safety in wadever u do. really meh? i find it hard to believe so when even the simplest safety rules like having the std 7 hrs of slp and hydration is flouted by the commanders. juz today, we were threatened with confinement if we did not dutifully answer 'yes' qns like 'did u have 7 hrs of slp?' and the like..even when we juz came back from outfield and slpt only like 4 hrs? hah. wad a fucking joke. and when someone really peng san during wadever siong activity being conducted due to insufficient rest..who's gg to take responsibility? the commanders? hardly. the first to be blamed would be us trainees..they would say things like why didn't we take care of ourselves and rest when time is given..even when there's no such time? ha. ha. ha.

and from day 1, they've been telling us tt when we do things fast, we'll have more free time to ourselves. my arse. the only thing tt will happen when u actually do things fast is u will be subjected to more and more worse shit. i wonder how the commanders can live with such lies being told to us trainees daily and expect us to believe in them and let them lead us when they cannot even garner the simplest form of trust from us.

lies. lies. lies. fuck u all, u bastards. we dun trust in any shit u say no more. go rot in hell.

i can carry on for longer and longer with a thousand and one burning issues, but there is simply no pt at all.

national service my arse. how bout national slavery instead. fucking liars.

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yup, im almost there. juz got 10 more months to go before i can fuck off from saf for good. hahahahaha! coz ytd marks the 1 year tt i've been in the singapore acting force as a national saikang warrior fulltime.

yep yep, definitely sth to be happy abt i guess, coz im ald more than halfway thru this shit. provided they dun pull stunts like make me extend my ord date to fight wad stupid atec, i can probably start my civillian conversion course ard march/ april next year. heh.

tt aside, this whole week has been pretty siong, 3 soc and 1 ippt in a week plus pt and other shit is no joke. but heng i made it thru alive, tho nt unscathed. hell has really begun.

this week more than others, i've been thinking back alot to my poly times, the happiest studying period of my life so far. reminiscing abt things tt we used to do, the freedom tt we had yet could nv really appreciate, and many other stuff. and i find tt i really fucking miss being a full time tertiary student, even if i have to rush for project deadlines and study for tests and what nots, its still way way better than what i'm doing now.

at least back then, i could wake up at wadever time i liked, no need answer to higher ups and get fucked and pumped daily like the freaking lowest lifeform ard. back then as long as i could get the job done on time - be it projects or wadever assignments, den everything was cool.

compared to now, where i have to fucking wake up at 530 everyday, do stupid stand by beds, march here and there singing stupid army songs and get fucked by higher ups and sign extras for stupid things... i am 100% sure tt life as a full time student is definitely the best.

yeah, i definitely miss being a student and civilian.

10 months is a period tt seems kinda long and yet might not be at all, depending on how u go abt it. but im hopeful tt there is light at the end of tunnel. coz im fucking gg to get my pink ic back at the end of it.

every day tt passes brings me tt much closer to ORD!!

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first week at hendon. expected a hell week, turned out to be a slack one, veri slack. since monday after we moved in and settled into our bunks..there has been no trg for us at all, except for a few sessions of morning pt.

truth be told.. many of us didn't really look forward to moving to hendon and starting our DOT phase..which will prepare us for brunei and the eventual 72km before we get our coveted red berets at the end of the year. as such, it was with much regret tt we left dear old prc..only to move into bunks tt can only be described as run down, quite a culture shock for many i believe. my bunk itself had only 3 working fans out of 6..and its so hot and stuffy there at night that alot of us have taken to sleeping on the floor.

tt aside, most of us couldn't slp the first nite there, thinking abt the inevitable turnout, along with other horror stories told to us by batches tt ald moved there ahead of us. it nv came..nt on the first nite, the second or the entire week even. it was only later in the week tt we found out tt they had stopped all trg and siong stuff for a week due to ongoing investigations abt the recent accident and also because its saf's high risk week or sth like that.

anyway, we ba long long ard for one week liao.. and we've been constantly criticised abt our movement and conduct being sloppy and so on and so forth..so next week the real hell wil no doubt begin. and it shld really be a hard one i guess..haha..our co, oc, and csm are all from sof! to quote the csm himself, "i don't even know if your will make it through the next week".

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