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ramblings
Thursday, November 10, 2005
time flies, two months is over in the blink of an eye, and i'll be spending my last week in OETI next week, after which i still have no idea where i'll be gg. supposedly im gg back to PRC for CDO BMT recourse, but then, the directive tt confirms whether im gg back is still not out yet. fucking cpc! do things so blady damn slow. and it so happens tt the OC cant do anything abt it now, since he ald got the chief clerk, who so conveniently happens to be on leave to send email to cpc to confirm on my posting orders...wtf..im stuck in a rut.

anyway, today got half day off, coz of some sports day/ deepavali cum hari raya, so called deeparaya..(-_-;) thingy in OETI..hah. there were some competitions gg on, but no bball, so i spent the morning playing CS in the com lab. haha..supposed to go there support my platoon mates playing against the other coys, but end up we supporters start our own servers and play until shiok shiok...lolz. damn long nv play CS liao, and somehow the feeling's different now, for one..its even more shiok to snipe ppl from far far using my favourite gun~ AWP..hahaha!

oh well, ttz all for now..my life really boring la..got nth much to write abt..hah.

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Guard Duty again
Thursday, October 20, 2005
rite, someone told me to go update, so here goes..

so wad has happened in my boring life since last fri? haha, u guessed it, guard duty again..in less than a week, i have done it twice, both times on last minute notice, coz ppl in my platoon cannot make it, so i kenna. nt tt i mind la, doing guard duty lets me save on transport for one whole day! hehe..

well, this time rd, i chose to do prowler..wad a nightmare. esp when im prowling for the first time with my buddy who's also a newbie at prowling..with no lao jiao to orientate or guide us...naturally, we got bloody lost, gg all over ARC looking for check points tt seemed to elude us no matter how we tried to get to them, so much so tt a route tt could have been done in 45 minutes took us 1 and a half farking hrs...damn..

2nd time round was slightly better, tho we still could not find check point 4 tt seems to have vanished into thin air even when we were smack on the spot indicated on the map, wtf hur.. i guess this says a whole lot abt my topo skills haha..

well ttz it for guard duty, another happening ttz of considerable excitement to me is tt ytd, my oc at oeti informed me tt i'll be gg back to prc to recourse cdo as soon as my weapons course at oeti ends...whoopee..hope tt its for real this time rd..hahaha.

oh yar..tmr got half day off..coz there's a wing cohesion~ bbq at ecp...will update as i deem fit after i attend it..otherwise, ttz all there is in another week of my really boring life as a nsf..hah

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Guard Duty
Friday, October 14, 2005
after 3 mths in the saf, i finally got a taste of wad guard duty is like last nite.

1. its nt fun, and its fucking boring if kenna sentry, which i did..the 2 hrs seemed like forever.

2. if i dun slp during the guard rest, i'll end up like a zombie the whole of next day, which is precisely wad happened to me, having slpt only 1 hr during the entire nite while i was on duty. haha fucking stupid of me.

other than tt, it was still alrite la, since can order food and wad not, got chance to use the com set and talk cock with the guard com. but definitely nt sth i wan to do all the time. so gotta be careful dun cock up anythg and kenna sign extra. lol.

went to my course cohesion at one of our coursemate's hse after booking out today..wow, his hse is really big lor, and damn nicely decorated. had some food and hang ard talk cock, quite fun la.

ok, ttz all for now, im gg to slp, damn shack...heh

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What Do I Want?
Friday, October 7, 2005
life in the last 2 weeks has been rather routine, waking up early, gg to oeti, learning weapons, taking ipa, gg home, slack, run/jog, slp, and repeating the cycle all over again..shiok hur? to some yes, others no..

alrite, to many, learning weapons might be really cool, true, but where's the use in this knowledge and skill after ord? i dun really see myself getting employed in any of the big thriving industries for being able to repair guns..ahaha. correct me if im wrong.

once again, i am learning sth tt i cant really put to use in the future, like my diploma in biz ad, which i spent 3 years in sp getting. i dun even noe wad i wan to do with it, how to apply tt knowledge i got, and in fact, alot of it has already been given back to my lecturers...i spent 3 years in poly fooling ard, skipping classes, playing pool, lan, daidee, and wasting thousands of dollars of my parents' hard earned money..without a thing to show for it, except a diploma with lousy grades tt cant even put me to a decent course in any local uni...nt tt i noe wad i want to study in uni even if i could go there, which is wad my mom has constantly been bugging me abt, to go study sth, a course or wadever...but really, i dunno wad i wan to study. the only difference between poly and now is tt im getting allowance fr saf, a meagre 350 a mth, which barely sustains my transport fares, meals and bills, blah blah..for sth i cant put to use after 2 years in the army..unless i choose to continue as a arms tech in saf, which i dun.

looking ard, many of my frens are in the search and pursuit of their dreams, 'searching for their polestars' as wad ken would say..but im not...my only current goal is to recourse in cdo ts and pass out with a red beret. far-fetched? given my current situation, and the fucked up way tt cpc works, mayb so. but even if i manage to achieve that goal, so wad? i can be a fucked up commando for all i noe, lots of those ard, or i could be a good one, and i might continue in the saf after ord if i like it.

which brings me to another pt, ns. alot of ppl i noe simply hate ns, think of it as a liability, pain in the arse for two years, but i dun. im really enjoying it, such tt i have considered signing on with the army not once, buy many times, but i juz cant make up my mind. some might say its too early for me to say so, others tt im siao, out of my mind..wadever. but for me, it seems like a viable path, mayb coz i dun noe wad my polestar is gonna be, and also becoz of the money involved, which is way better than wad a fresh grad would get outside in the first few years following graduation.

so wad is this entry all abt? im griping abt my current insecurities and stuff? or issit a reflection of my life and wad i want? mayb a little of both. but wad i do noe is, i have wasted 20 years of my life achieving nothing. close frens and my family can attest to tt. i've always wanted to be a leader, but much of the time, im more of a follower..wtf..and again, the word 'mayb' has appeared quite a few times in this entry, why? i dunno. but mayb its becoz my life thus far has been a "mayb" or "probably" all along. hah.

adios.

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New Posting
Friday, September 23, 2005
haven't been posting anything here for two weeks, nt becoz i'm bz or wad..in fact, im more slack than ever..hah, ttz becoz i've been posted to OETI in ayer rajah camp as a weapons tech..doh..

OETI..which stands for ordnance engineering training institute..or rather some might say, only eat talk idle...coz out there, asides from lessons, there's really no physical training at all, the only one tt i attended today was optional for the trainees, and we ran at such a slow pace and short distance tt it did not even seem like regular pt to me, more like a warm up ba...lol.. and yet, still got ppl can fall out from the run...i think its mainly becoz the ppl posted there are mostly pes C and below, some excuse upper lower limb or RMJ or wadever...

needless to say, when i knew tt i was gg to be posted there on monday afternn, i was shocked and utterly disappointed...coz my oc had told me tt i had a high chance of staying and recoursing in cdo...really, my mood really sank when i knew i was to be posted out. i was thinking is this really the end? am i destined not to be a commando at all? fuck.. but thankfully, my oc at oeti seems genuinely interested in helping me when he heard my case, i'm banking all my hopes on him now..

another thing, lately, i've been thinking alot on whether i shld sign on, since i seriously have no idea wad line of work i wan to go into or wad kind of degree to study in when i ord in 2 years' time.. staying in the army seems like a viable option since i like being a soldier, and signing on would ensure work and steady income for me in at least the next five years, doing things i like..not necessary all aspects, but there are definitely some aspects of working in the saf tt i like better than out in the civilian world..well, i still haven't decided yet..since i most likely wun be able to make it in time for the next sof selection in nov...so for now, i'll juz wait and hope cpc decides to post me back to cdo..and my frens, do give me ur opinions, i really wan to hear it..heh..

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POP
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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