If you ever see a link for a video that you've only heard of through various "*Such and such* reaction!!!11!" videos, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SWEET AND HOLY, do NOT watch it. There's a reason the people in the reaction videos are about to puke. Unless said people are laughing. Then by all means, watch it. Partake in the mirth.

Let's just say that I saw two men castrate themselves, as such, one with a hatchet and the other with a knife. I thought it was fake at first. If it is, it certainly is VERY realistic. And explicit. One of those guys is a masochist, judging by the first clip. -.-

Now that I've got your attention, (and I'm sure I do,) I'll go ahead and launch into a normal post. If you call them normal.

I just finished reading this book for the second time. The description sounds kind of run-of-the-mill, but I assure you that this book is really, really good. Reads like the Hitchhiker Guide to the Galaxy books. (If you've read them, good for you! If you haven't, this problem can easily be fixed.) It's funny, and profound, and ALSO really hard to put down. Someone read it and get back to me! :D

In other news, my brother has been using my tooth brush for about a week now, without even realizing it. Seriously. I'm glad I found out before he spread some sort of gross disease to me. Hahaha.

I have a very delicate sleep cycle, especially when I'm waking up. My alarm rings at 6:50. I snooze it. Nine or so minutes later, (The manual wasn't very specific, ha ha,) it rings again and I snooze it again. At about 7:09, it rings once more, to be joined by my mother yelling from downstairs. Thus, I sleep through two full snooze cycles and wake at 7:10.

Mind you, I've been known to wake at 6:50 on the weekends, with no alarm, and hit the snooze button. That's how critically my mind is set upon this. So, you can imagine what happened when I set the alarm to 6:55. Mom still called at 7:10...it was just a mess.

Pointless story, I guess. I'm just in love with my idiosyncrasies. And my affinity for prodigiously incoherent words.

My birthday party is going to be on Saturday, the 19th. It WOULD have been this weekend, but another girl was having her party then, so we bumped it a week. No big deal. Unless said girl decides to GLOAT.

Let's call this girl Angel, because she thinks she's perfect. Plus, if you know who I'm talking about, it'll give you a laugh.

Basically, I never see Angel except for when I hang around after school. She's from one of the more wealthy families in the area. You know, custom doorways, (The family is HUGELY tall, which is kind of cool.) Arcade games in the basement, lake house, jet skis, such. So, her Sweet Sixteen would be wicked awesome, if only because of the scale of it. And that's the only reason I can think of, let me tell you.

I hang around after school for the sole purpose of asking her about how I need to dress. Which is bad enough, because I don't LIKE dressing up. I like to be comfortable, not snazzy.

As it turns out, one of my friends told her about me moving my party date. So, I'm standing with a bunch of girls that I am pretty friendly with, plus Angel-puss.

*The following is in direct quotation format simply because it makes things easier for me to express. But these are not the actual words. I'd have to be some other sort of freak to remember THOSE...*

"Hey, Jordan told me you changed your party day. It's a good thing you did, or nobody would have come! I mean, AJ and will would have definitely come to my party, and then you wouldn't have any other friends to come to yours."

That's basically what she said. It doesn't matter what I said, because it was mostly sounds of dumbfounded-ment. She thinks:

1) She's the most supremely popular person in the school. Everyone likes her.
2) People like her.
2) I don't have any friends at all, other than Will and AJ.
4) My only two friends like her more than they like me.

As if it isn't bad enough that she could be so ignorant and vain all at once, she actually has the stones to say it to my face the way you might tell someone you're lactose intolerant. Wow. WOW, oh wow. I am stunned.

By the way, I quite admire Emily Williams for saying, "MATTY! Matt would DEFINITELY come to your party, Stevie!" This is supremely awesome because, for one thing, it keeps me from hitting a girl in the face, which is something I'm sure I'd regret later on in life. It's also awesome because Angel doesn't know this particular Matt, so she had to shut it while Emily and I discussed his general coolness and how I still owe him a cigarette. (private joke)

And I know that certain people read this who will know full well who I am so fervently dissing. So, I ask of you, don't talk about this. This is my public outlet, yes, but it is still a personal journal, and I can put whatever the heck I want on it. At the same time, I hate gossip and those who spread it. If I hear about this at school, I'm going to track you down. My opinion is not to be spread around unless by myself, and certainly not bent by strangers. So.

Plus, I still kind of want to go to that party, even if I end up in a corner asleep. I just love those parties, man.

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How are you doing?

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Read:
"Verse 1:
I heard they found a way to no set place
That they�re way ahead and winning but there�s no real race
And they�re feeding on the thrill of a chase
When they�ll never find a way to keep the pace
I heard they found a way to build our dreams
Can they engineer a world in which we hear no screams
And I heard that they can make vaccines
But our sick routine isn�t keen to relieve
I heard they found a way to see through walls
Do they have the sight to see my scars
And can they find a way to view who we are
Or does such vision just exist in the far
And can incisions ever fix all the vying that persists
Can a needle cure the evil through the arm
I�m told they have the means to travel to the stars
But can�t journey to the start of the savage in our hearts
So if I�m ravaged and afraid
Damaged and apart, tired of charades
How can I clear the smoke that billows
Wade through to cope and chisel out a life that�s worthy and of praise


Chorus:
My whole life�s passing me by
As I sit and wonder why
I�ll find a way


Verse 2:
They say tomorrow brings a brighter day
But do they know about the sorrow that�s beyond the fray
Do they see all of the madness that man obeys
And can they understand that sadness won�t go away
But it�s okay cuz the truth is I�m feeling whole
Feeling like the emptiness inside has found a home
And I�m hopeful that my destiny is one of heights
One in which the apathy in me no longer strikes
And I wonder how this ending has come to pass
When just yesterday was carefree and full of laughs
But if there�s certainty in anything it�s what we have
Is but impermanent cuz no thing will always last
Yet still I can�t help but question fate
Can�t shake the feeling that I hold the key to great escape
And I feel in me a yearning that still endures
A spirit wandering and eager now to find a cure
Believe me this is pure essence
Pure intention
It goes beyond mere conversation and confession
It�s much too vague to formulate into expression
But perhaps there�s something greater that we�ve all been set in
And this is not to say I know the way
This is not to say attachment�s been put away
This is not to say my love for you�s been held at bay
And I don�t possess or know a simple route to change
But it is to say I hold you close
And it is to say the love in me is more than most
And it is to say your absence has left it�s mark
But I tell myself this plays within a bigger part
Now you are not the only way to make me whole
Know that I won�t ever turn my heart to stone
You are not the only way to make me whole
And I won�t ever turn my heart to stone

And I�ll find a way


Verse 3:
I�m not without a spirit that can hold up to the torture
Not without a will to stop the cycle that marauders
Not without a mind to free the hate within my border
And to cleanse the vessel into which my consciousness is ordered
I�m not afraid of monsters that intimidate and taunt ya
Not afraid to challenge all the violence and slaughter
The leviathans that haunt are hardly deadly out of water
I�ll find a way to offer the elixir of disorder
So many trails have crossed the rivers forged from all our tears
So many paths have left us all alone during these years
So many that we�ve lost but I can feel their presence near
I can see a road ahead that leads beyond the known frontier
So lift yourself up slowly and rest your eyes upon me
And let the sad and lonely float away and disappear
And leave the guilt and shame and all the anger and the fear
Lets trade it for the will to find a way to persevere


Chorus


Verse 4:
How long can I surrender for
How deep can my descending bore
How long can I neglect me for
How long is this confinement for
How long can I arrest me for
How long can I detain me for
How long before I stray off course
How long before all hope is lost

How long can one survive among the horror
Live among the demons that all seethe in darkened corners
Cling to all the grief released in tidal waves upon ya
Proclaim it isn�t fair, content to bear forever mourner
This moment is in order
Now let the waters pass
Let the smoldered ash remain beside the olden past
Leave it on behalf of those who crave to hear you laugh
And walk among the living as you find a way to last

How long can I survive this for
How long can I abate this for
How long can I remain this strong
Well how long can I just sing this song


I�ll find a way"

Love this song.

I used to argue about religion a lot. Public forums, youtube comments, stuff like that. It was really stupid. You can't solve anything by arguing. People aren't going to be open to change just from hearing some unconvincing arguments from an anonymous punk. And how could the arguments be convincing? Beset by trolls on both sides, and fighting pride with pride? Even if people were always super logical online, it'd be hard to have any sort of meaningful discourse like that...and people are rarely logical online. Everyone thinks they're right and that all naysayers are personally attacking them. That's not sharing your faith. So I haven't done that in a while.

(Although, I did have a "friendly" debate with this guy from Australia a few years ago. A physics major like me. I should catch up with him soon.)

I saw on Facebook that two of my friends were making comments on such a thread. Apparently some guy had gone to an atheist group and posted something along the lines of "Hey, I've been reading through this group, and I just wanted to apologize for all the Christians who've been complete hateful jerks. We're not all like that! I'm not trying to start any arguments or anything. Anyway, God loves you, I love you, have a great day!"

It blew up. There were several...vocal individuals who were incredibly offended that he'd said "God loves you." They took at as a condescension, as if he meant "You don't believe in God and you're all bad people, but God loves you anyway." I dunno. Maybe he did, but I find that hard to believe. He was definitely making an apology first and foremost. I honestly think he only threw in a mention of God in order to make it clear where his beliefs lay. "Yes, I believe in God, and I agree with those people theologically, but I don't want that to get between us." Even if you agree that it was a stupid and foolish comment to make, I'd be hard pressed to agree that he meant it as a slight. I think they over-reacted.

So I joined in. It was interesting and sort of liberating. I didn't argue any points. I tried to explain what I thought of his statement. I talked about beliefs. I asked people what they thought about certain things. I told how I came across my own special beliefs, briefly. It seemed to go well. The situation certainly wasn't diffused...people really just wanted to be angry.

I hate that. People get offended about something and it seems like they're only getting offended because they feel like it's their right. One guy compared the original post to an atheist walking into a church and politely explaining how God is a figment of the imagination. Um, no? It's more like an atheist walking into a church, declaring himself to be atheist, and apologizing for rude atheists.

Bah. What do you guys think? There's a pretty good mix of religious and irreligious people here. Do you think the OP was out of line? If he was, do you think it's worth getting so angry about? In retrospect, there were people saying that I was stupid, illogical, ignorant, full of BS, hateful, etc. I'm not particularly angry about it. Is that weird?

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My math teacher called me out for not doing my homework today. Several times. Guess I wasn't in the mood for the jibes. >.>

Haha, I wrote the above, then went downstairs for 10 minutes. I completely lost my train of thought.

I am completely addicted to Half Life 2 right now. There are so many satisfying ways to kill those inhuman bastards, if that's how you roll. Favorite three weapons are definitely the Pherapods, the Gravity Gun, and the Crossbow.

Having a private army of brutal man-sized insects is really, really fun.

I am eating that frosting from Christmas. It's still in my fridge. Whoo.

I have a ton of homework, and I haven't talked for Bigfoot for a while, so...I'm pretty happy, considering. :D

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