Man, I know this is well known, but I have to say it anyway. Being a teenager sucks. This is the time. This is when you find out if you'll be able to survive in the world. This is when it all hits home. At least, for me. I'm only a Freshman, but I'm already starting to worry about college. Especially my career. I really can't decide what I'd major in. There's so much to think about...

And, of course, there's "teen love." I've always known I was brutally shy about the whole thing. Not in general, but when it comes to the actual dating, I dry up. I found that out the hard way, I guess.

Oh, and family. Fun stuff. I hope my brother's going to be okay, but it's hard to tell. Or maybe I don't want to know. Wow, that's really pessimistic. Of course, my mom is completely fizzled out. The guys at her work want her more and more, so between my brother and I, generally living, and work, she has almost zilch time to herself. Also, I hear that the dating game doesn't get much easier when you get past your growth spurt. I can tell you, it doesn't. Not for the general population, anyway.

The only good thing is that I have people willing to listen to me, and that I'm learning to manage my time WAY better. I still get side-tracked super easy, but I've been going to bed early for a few days now.

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Wednesday was Mom's birthday, so I've been chilling at home all weekend to celebrate. Other than a pretty sweet sleepover with Ryan and Kyle last night, I haven't really seen any of my friends. Last time I was here, I spent the whole time out with different people so I figure it'd be nice to hang with Mom for a few days.

Also last time I was here, I was visiting with my OTHER friend Ryan (hereafter referred to as R2. [Gosh I've always wanted to say that]). He and I wanted to stop by this place called Palmetto Moonshine on the way back to Georgia, but we missed the exit. I was pretty disappointed, since I've never had moonshine and I wanted to try it out.

Aside; when I was younger, I never wanted to touch alcoholic beverages. They seemed to taste gross and I expected it would bring out the worst in me. (I've proven to have pretty lousy self-control) But as I got older, and especially when I turned 21, I figured it would be cool if I just made sure to drink responsibly. Don't get drunk, don't make habits, just have drinks with friends or relaxing at home. That's the way it's gone. I don't like beer, and I reckon I never will, but for some reason I have a fondness for straight liquor. And since I try to limit how much I drink, I haven't really explored alcohol-buzzed territory because apparently I have a stupid-high tolerance. So that's fun.

I told homegirl that I was sad I'd missed out on the moonshine place, and what did she do? She made me some! Well, she used some recipe that calls for lots of everclear to make something resembling Peach Cobbler flavored moonshine. It's delicious. I was surprisingly touched that she essentially gave me poison with peach slices and cinnamon. Guys I like her a lot. Anyway.

I finally stopped by Palmetto Moonshine on the way here. Cool place. 30 dollar jars of moonshine. Potent stuff. Definitely more potent than the stuff Hannah made. 30 dollars is sort of a lot for a single pint, but I figure it's worth it every now and then.

wheeeee alcohol

wut

Trying to think of a new job I should be looking for. This whole thing with the research lab is cool but it's not really leading anywhere. Mom and Mark were giving me tips today. It wasn't pleasant but I think it was helpful. Maybe.

I'm also looking into the stock market. I have a few ideas for how I could reasonably make a tiny bit of money with it, but I know so little about the market itself and the ways that other people work it, I'm probably just being naive. Still, I've started looking into ways to play with past data and see what I have to work with. Patterns patterns patterns.

Just got my new (from February) glasses adjusted for the first time. Man, what a relief. I didn't realize how much I hated having the stupid things fall down my face.

Recently I've been trying to learn more about how I build my convictions (beliefs, worldviews, habits, rules-to-passionately-uphold) and how I can build more of them biblically. I'm uncomfortable with how much I tend to lean on the convictions of my friends and church. Partially because stealing convictions from others is super fake, and partially because they're generally pretty weak unless I build them myself, for my own reasons. It's a lot to think about. I think it's also related to my difficulties in class; learning new material is hard for me. Especially if I can't put the information into a framework that makes sense to me. Most things fit into similar frameworks, so I get by, but every now and then something just makes no sense to me -cough- thermodynamics -cough-

Oh, and I've been reading this rad series called the Ware Tetrology, by Rudy Tucker. Software, Wetware, Freeware, Realware. It's sci-fi. Deals a lot with the evolution of culture and technology. I really like the way the guy moves his world forward; a seemingly innocuous detail in one book turns into a major plot point 30 years later in the sequel. Sort of like real life, methinks. I particularly enjoy the slang he made up. It's sort of depressing how the characters act sometimes, but I think it's actually pretty accurate, and might be even more so in the future. I'm not referring to the gratuitous sex and drug use, but to the sort of "meh" attitude that everyone has about everything.

No, that's not a good way to describe it...I dunno. It reminds me a little of The Stranger. That's actually a decent comparison, I think.

Oh well. What are you guys reading recently?

If you were waiting for me to refer to R2 again, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

Nightio

EDIT:
Also, this

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My mom just assaulted me for not wearing a shirt around the house. First she's feeling my smooth shave, (I find this too funny for words,) then she starts examining my back.

Next thing I know, she's hustling me to let her pop some black-heads she found. She finds those things EVERYWHERE. I doubt they're back there. She offered me $10. That's...crazy. I'm sure thezebra is jealous of me. Heh.

Mother was rather offended when I declined and ran screaming up the stairs to tell the world. Hmm.

Ideas for Threadless designs:
Gentleman Turtle, "I'm in the Turtle Club."
Damn, I forgot my other idea!

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Puerto Rico was the shigity-shiz. It was...well, hot. It's too cold in Rock Hill for Spring. Eh. I can't believe that I thought being hot was refreshing. I usually hate being hot, and like being a bit cold. I guess I'm just ready for Spring, you know?

Even though I say I had the best time ever, I have to say that this trip was a bit lacking. The beach was okay. One day we went to a beach, and it was just crappy. The sea floor was littered with rocks and shells. The entire swim area was enclosed in even more rocks, and the beach was just painfull. Sean tried building a sand castle, which he usually loves. I don't think he enjoyed it much, either. The day after we went to a different beach, which was much better. The sand wasn't even too hot, which I usually just live with. There was a huge amount of sea-weed to muck up my fun, and I didn't have my goggles, so I had to be careful with my contacts. Still, I had a pretty good time.

The first day was most definitely the worst. Actually, we arrived in the airport at like, 1:00 P.M, so our real first day was spent adjusting to the heat and checking out the dirty pool behind my grandmother's apartment (where we were staying.) So, the real first day was okay. The second day was horrible. We piled into a car, completely filling it up. I was on the left side of the backseat, next to grandma who was next to Sean on the right side. I was squished and immobilized. We rode at least three hours through the mountains. Mom said we were going to a phosphorescent bay, which supposedly glows in the dark because of the animals that live in the water. She also said we were staying at some relative or friend's house while we were there. I hate how mom seems to have a billion friends and relatives in Puerto Rico, all of whom seem to know me more than I know them. They always tell me that I'm tall, and beautiful, (nice choice of words,) that that I can take care of my mom now. At least they don't pinch my cheeks, though traditionally I have to kiss all the females.

What mom didn't tell me was that there was some sort of family gathering going on. So, imagine what I just described when meeting someone, and raise the scale to a party. The only soda was warm "Cola" and beer, which isn't even soda. I was asked (in spanish) what I wanted to eat over and over, and when I said, "Nothing, thank you, I'm not really hungry," (also sometimes in spanishm which I'm only just learning,) they would try to entice me three or four more times with a specific dish I'd never even heard of. I sat through about three hours of that, in a small house on a dock. Too loud listen to music. Reading or leaving to the car was unacceptable. Nobody my age. Kissing old ladies. The only thing I want to eat is some fish that squirts juice all over my shirt. (Yum, but only for a while.) I was dead tired. And sleepy. And bored as HELL.

Then came the car ride back.

This is a convulted and long-ass post, and it doesn't even cover why I'm ecstatic. Maybe I'll post more later.

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