....I have them. haha. While they will help me in the event that I reproduce, they do no good to me now. And I'm by no means calling myself fat. Though at times I feel that way...But I cannot deny the fat that my thighs are rather bulbous.

On the bright side, I'm doing this new thing....where I make my heart beat faster and move my limbs about and get really hot and sweaty....

I think they call it "exercise" o.O

Not that I haven't exercised before. It wasn't that long ago where I was doing it all the time. But I got lazy...and sick a few times....and I hurt my knee at one point too....and now I'm out of the habit and its just proving to be rather difficult to get back into the swing of things. No matter! I'm going to the gym after work today to do a bit of cardio and then I have dance practice right after (not that dance with my church's dance team is often very strenuous) AND I've been eating healthier! (ironically, I say this as I am eating a bag of Famous Amos Cookies....and ordering buffalo wings for lunch...)

Actually, I'm still torn...SHOULD I get the buffalo wings?? I mean....it does me no good to ask you guys because I doubt I'll get an answer back before I have to call in our lunch orders for our sales meeting. The three things I'm torn between are the wings (yum) a chicken cheese steak with extra cheese and honey mustard (YUM!) or a salad (...meh)
haha. decisions, decisions....

UGH!! Better get the salad....maybe.... =( I like salad I'm just not in the mood for it right now. I hate trying to be healthy.

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I feel more down in the dumps AFTER my vacation then before...I wasn't expecting this.
I think I'm just tired. I barely got any sleep last night....or at all while on vacation and I'll be fine after tonight.

and I didn't have as much fun as I wanted. The first day WAS a lot of fun....but Ashley and Jordan (My friend and her boyfriend) annoy me when together. Both of them are too moody and get upset over nothing. It was like I was with two PMSing chicks for five days.

Not cool.

I really want it to be after five already. like...around 7.
yeah
7 is a good time to jump start to.
LOST and maybe splosion man.
Today is my brother's birthday, so I have to go out for dinner for that first.

I think after I get done with work and dinner with the family I'll be in much better spirits.

I'll post pictures up when I get home. I got a few good ones from the mountains. That was the best part of the whole trip. =/

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Vacation HAD to get away!!! *<--sings*
haha. Does anyone remember that song?
I'm pretty sure the only reason I remember it is because they play it in one of the Rugrats Episodes where they go to Vegas for vacation....I think....something like that. haha. I haven't watched that show in AT LEAST 8 years. (wow, I'm getting old)

Anyway, I go on vacation in promptly....10...12...carry the two....20 hours!!!!! =D
ARIZONA BEETCHES!!!!
haha. I am Soooo looking forward to the warm weather! I'll only be there for a full 3 days but its a new adventure that I get to take with my best friend to go see her boyfriend/my good friend who is stationed out there for the Air Force.

This is the most spontaneous of trips I've gone on so hopefully it goes well.
Not TOO spontaneous....she was definitely going and right before she bought her ticket a little over a month ago she asked me if I was interested in going with her and I said "Yes yes and thrice times, yes!!!" and we booked both tickets right away.
Does that count as spontaneity? ....is that even how you spell it?
Huh....
Moving on....

Its also my first time flying. Which is like an adventure in itself. What are some fun things to do at the Airport?! We have close to a 4 hour layover in Denver so I want to think of things to do while we wait.

okay well I have to go get all my stuff caught up at work so that there isn't anything pending that my boss finds out I didn't do! Maybe I'll blog from Arizona when we land!
Wish me good travels! haha.

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I cried at my life group yesterday....in front of EVERYONE!!! SO embarrassing.
For those of you that don't know what a Life Group is...its kind of like what a youth group is for church only...less annoying. (to me at least) Its for spiritual growth and what not and the people I go with are really relaxed and joke around a lot and are really fun. (meaning they're not tight knickered Christians and whatnot)

Anyway...
So normally we eat food...talk....joke around...play a game or something..and then we have the spiritual growth bit...
well we were talking about God's forgiveness and junks and how some people struggle with accepting the simplicity of Gods ability to love unconditionally no matter what.
Then people started sharing things that they did, mistakes made and how awful we treat others at times in our life and how we have harder times forgiving ourselves for those things which prevents us from accepting appreciating and understanding God's forgiveness and blah blah blah...
and I kept thinking about how I felt for the greater majority of the year of 2009...
I made some mistakes at the end of 2008....some HUGE fuck ups...and I never really forgave myself for those mistakes. I went an entire year hating myself -I mean REALLY hating myself. I was disgusted every time I looked in the mirror- feeling completely miserable and guilty while the other people of the world continued to live their lives as if everything was hunky dorey.

I wanted to die.

I burned my legs occasionally because I was too chicken to cut myself. I thought about suicide almost daily....and then one day...I just had enough....and stopped feeling so down and forgave myself for what I had done and moved on with my life.....

anyway...I was telling this to my life group and about how relieved I felt when I was finally able to let all of that guilt go and I just started...crying. I hate crying in public.
But it wasn't a sad cry or a guilty cry. It was a cry of relief. a happy kind of cry. and that makes me happy. ^-^ I haven't told anyone how great I felt when I finally forgave myself and I guess I didn't realize it either until I was telling the story to a whole room full of people. I no longer hate myself and it feels great! ^_^

I DO, however, feel like a blubbering over sensitive idiot....but at least I'm a happy blubbering over sensitive idiot! haha.

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I've noticed that I've been doing nothing but bitching as of late....not completely in this blog but just in general so I'm going to be positive and NOT complain about things....


So last night I had a few people over my house (which rarely ever happens) and we played Risk and it was pretty fun. I'm not a big fan or Risk but it went by much quicker when you have six people playing. I was yellow and I had control over all of Africa. I was going for Australia but some one else completely whooped my butt. =/ oh well.
He was the second one out of the game and I came in third place. The guy that was Red swooped in and claimed the ultimate Victory. good times.

The friends I hung out with were actually people from my church and when they came in I had EuroTrip playing in the Living room. I'd never seen this movie...I saw Road Trip and liked it so I was giving this one a go since it was on TV....but when my fellow church go-ers came into my house a few of them were .....Nannys about what I had on TV. They said it was "degrading and demoralizing" and various other things that kind of annoyed me. So out of a room of mostly guys and one other girl...I had the most....R rated mind of them all....which was kind of awkward. *shrug* oh well...


The sales meeting we were going to have today was canceled. which kind of blows because they normally provide lunch and so I didn't bring one so now I have no lunch....I'll just have to go home during lunch and make something.

I'm going to go....I can sit here and ramble all day but I hardly think its stuff that's worth any interest to you guys so I'll just leave it at this.

have a nice day

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Along with the green mucus I keep blowing out of my nose....there is now a little blood, too. Could this be because I've run my nose raw on the inside and its just a natural thing that happens if you blow your nose too much or something much worse?
only time will tell.


and my tooth hurts really bad....gonna go take some meds before the pain gets worse like last night.

ugh

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