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Ba-Dun, Tsch!
Loving life!
My entries!!!!!!!!!!!
Not myself today...
Monday. 10.24.11 9:30 am
So I've been feeling pretty off lately.
physically, emotionally, mentally....

I don't know what my deal is.

I'm banking on it being caused by the impending, dreadful time of the month for me.

I hate when I get like this because I get super paranoid and I feel like everything is about to crumble and fall apart around me and I'm just sitting here on edge waiting for something terrible to happen.


On the bright side, I gave up fast food last Monday and I've gone a FULL week without fast food. As of Friday, I had lost 2 pounds. I didn't weigh myself today yet. I should have.
My short term goal is to not eat fast food for the rest of the year. At that point I'll probably lose at LEAST 15 pounds. It was terrible. I use to eat fast food so much!

During the work week, I'd eat out for fast food almost every single day for lunch. and then 2-3 of those days would include picking up fast food in the way home for convenience sake. So I ate fast food more than 5 times a week. No wonder I was getting fat and hated myself.

The big eye opener was watching Super Size Me. I knew I had it bad when after watching that movie, all I really wanted was a big Mac and fries.

So yeah....I'll keep you guys posted on my progress with that.

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On the _____ day of Christmas
Friday. 10.14.11 3:44 pm
This day is dragging on so freaking slowly!!!!

So....I need to come up with a Christmas present idea for Scott.
I'm getting him a drum set but he already knows about that so I want to get him something ELSE that I know he'll really like and totally surprise him with it!

(he'll be so upset because I'm spending so much money on him but I can't help it I like to buy him things!!!)

Anyway....anyone want to help with ideas? (if so, send it to my inbox)

He loves music and cooking and enjoys playing games and is very good with computers.


And I know its early for Christmas shopping but I'm trying to spread it all out because We have a lot of people to shop for this year.


P.S. My nephew, Jackson, turns ONE in a month and a half! Both of my nephew's are getting so big!!! <3

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Gross
Tuesday. 10.11.11 1:30 pm
My boss keeps making inappropriate comments to me. The other day he mentioned how he's been tempted to cheat on his wife and that its hard to ignore the temptations at times. Then a day or two later he said that if anything happened and he was no longer married to his wife he'd want to go for a younger person like in their early 20's (my age). Lastly, I tried to tell him about a dream I had that was really weird and I started by saying "I had the weirdest dream last night!" and he was like "was it a sex dream?? you need to tell me about those!"

ewww.... like, I don't understand why he's doing this but I don't like it. I'm only as friendly as I have to be because he's my boss. But I can't stand the guy! and he's making it worse by saying these awful things to me. I don't want to know about how you think often about betraying the vows you've made with your wife and how you think you're capable of getting a younger woman and I will NEVER tell you about a sex dream EVER and they will NEVER include you.

Keep it in our pants and keep your thoughts to yourself.

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Being a smart ass pays off. LITERALLY!
Thursday. 10.6.11 10:33 am
Hey gang. Sorry you had to see me that way in my last blog. I've since then been eating healthier and trying to exercise when I can. Excluding when I get a Big Mac from McDonalds because I was trying to get as many Monopoly pieces as possible but now I think I've had enough Big Mac's to last me a few years.

I tried Hydroxycut for two days and I had to stop taking it because its like PURE CAFFEINE and aside from the occasional Diet coke or wild Cherry Pepsi I rarely even have a lot of caffeine going through my system. It felt like I was running and moving all around even though I was sitting still and it made me dizzy and my heart was racing. I imagine that's similar to how people with ADHD feel minus the last two things. It made it REALLY hard to concentrate.


The other day the owner of the company I work for gave me $10 because I was a smart ass with the people in the warehouse. He said "good job. You tell 'em!" haha.
He then went on to encourage me to go back to college.

Anyway, work has been slow but I guess I should get back to it.

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A new low
Tuesday. 9.27.11 9:07 am
I'm thinking about using Hydroxycut....thoughts?
I need need NEED to lose weight. and I'm desperate. I'm like....5 pounds away from resorting to bulimia. I'm not even kidding. I've never felt so bad about myself physically.
This is including all the times Mike, My ex-boyfriend, made fat jokes about me every day. I feel worse now than I did back then and THAT's saying something!!

I don't feel pretty or sexy or even cute. I just feel fat. all the time. and in the mornings when I'm getting ready there are days when I feel good about myself...but that only lasts up until I try to put pants on. Scott says I'm not fat and that he likes me the way I am and blah blah blah....But he's not stupid enough to verbally agree with me!

Diet and exercise will solve all my problems and I've been trying. But I just look in the mirror and think there's no point and that I'll never get skinny again and I just hate myself more and then I just say "fuck it" and eat more junk.

I want to use Hydroxycut as like a boost. just to get me going with the whole weight loss thing and then as I start to see results I'll feel better about myself and will have the motivation to eat right and exercise on my own.

I don't know....maybe I'm just making excuses for myself or whatever.

All I know is that I hate my body and I hate myself for not having self control and I really just want to go to the vending machine for a fucking snack.

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Slow week
Thursday. 9.1.11 11:04 am
Howdy!!!

Its unusually slow at work this week and I'm running out of things to do. I figured I'd pop in real quick!

My birthday is tomorrow!!! This should be a good weekend! =) After work tomorrow, we're going out to dinner. Then Thethaitanic is taking me to the Renaissance festival on Saturday! I'm excited!! Then he's making me a nice dinner on Sunday. and then Monday is my mother's birthday so we'll be celebrating with her!

He already got me this extremely silly poster about how to properly pet a cat and its hanging on our wall already! =)

I'm bummed that I have to spend money on a new tire for my car on my birthday but my tire has a slow leak and needs replacing.

Then next weekend I'm going out for a girls night to drink and get my dance on with a bunch of friends!!! I'm excited about that too! Only...the ONE person who I really enjoy going out dancing with lives on the other side of the country. =/ She will be severely missed!!

BUT she comes back to Maryland in the day after my girls night and stays here for two weeks!! Her cousin is getting married so she has a lot of stuff going on but still...Can't wait!!! I'm throwing a party for her! Can't wait! can't wait! can't wait!! =D

September is going to be a good month!! =)

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