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Loving life!
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Shimmy and Shake
Thursday. 2.7.13 5:16 pm
Today I had an antibiotic induced anxiety attack. Fun stuff!
I started taking an antibiotic last night right before bed. I ended up tossing and turning for most of the night because it felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest and I felt really dizzy. I Just chalked it up to having Caffeine for the first time in a long while and thought nothing of it. Until this morning when I took my second dosage. Same symptoms as before; Heart bursting out of chest, feeling dizzy, but to add to that, my limbs were tingling, hands were shaking and I couldn't catch my breath. A very similar reaction happens when I am forced on a roller coaster. ha.

So all of this was going on in my body while my work email went crazy with purchase orders and quote requests. Not to mention how the phone wouldn't stop ringing. The more work that came through, the more panicked I felt. How was I suppose to type with my hands shaking like this? How can I figure out profit margin when I feel like I'm going to pass out. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY BODY?!?! Needless to say I ended up calling my doctor freaking out. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before!

As long as my throat wasn't closing up I had to just ride it out and try to stay calm.

Worst. Morning. Ever.

Mot of it has subsided but I now find that my body is so worn out! I feel so exhausted like I just ran a marathon. My arms and legs feel weak and I just want a nap!!!

I have to take an entirely different antibiotic starting tomorrow evening so lets hope that goes well.

Unfortunately, I have to get started on my second job but hopefully I can breeze through all the stuff I need to do and leave soon! Its been a long day.

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He Left Me For A Stripper
Monday. 2.4.13 9:02 am

So last night I had a dream that Scott left me for a bunch of strippers. I wont go into all the details but have you ever woken up from a dream you had about someone and the dream made you so mad at them that it took everything in you to not push them off the bed or something?!? That was me this morning. I obviously let it go but it took a few minutes to keep reminding myself it was just a dream. They feel so real sometimes. haha.

But regardless of the dream, I am super excited to tell all of you that this weekend rocked! Friday was my friend's bachelorette party and it was really nice seeing everyone from high school because I only really see them once a year around Christmas.

I went to Good Will and bought five really cute tops (two with the tags still on them) for only 20 bucks!

We had friends over for the Super Bowl. It was the first game I watched all season and I actually enjoyed watching it which is really surprising! The commercials were disappointing, though. Especially all of the GoDaddy commercials. Blech!!! Disgusting. but yeah, Scott made a HUGE chicken cheese steak sandwich and our friends brought Chili and it was all soooo tasty!

But my absolute favorite part of the entire weekend was when Scott took me to a really fancy dinner for an early Valentines day treat! ^_^
We got dressed up all nice and went to Roy's Hawaiian Fusion. Its in Baltimore so we parked in a lot down the street and walked the rest of the way. It was snowing so it gave it even more of a romantic feel even though I was freezing my butt off! Then the food--OHMYGODTHEFOOD!!! It was so good! I tried to look up the menu so I could give you a play by play of exactly what we ate but I can't find it so I'll describe it best I can.

Appetizers were a pork ravioli with a mushroom sauce and a wanton-ish wrapped shrimp with a sort of sweet and sour sauce. Scott and I couldn't decide which one we liked better. Both were so good. The Entree that I got was a slow cooked steak and really thinly cut potatoes. It immediately was decided that the steak was the best I've ever had in my life! Scott got Shrimp over-top this 5 pork bean thing. I didn't care for it too much but he really liked it! Then for desert I had a Chocolate torte and he had a nutella creme brulee. All of if was SOOOOO Good!!!!

Then we walked back to the car, drove home, Snuggled up under a heated blanket and watched TV. It was such a nice time out with Scott and it makes February look very promising in comparison to how January started for me!

I am a happy girl again! =)


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31 days of hell
Thursday. 1.31.13 4:19 pm

So 2013 has been pretty hellish and I still have 334 days to go.
My boss left. Which is sort of fine because he was kind of a huge jerk but also really sucks because I'm doing the work of two people...three if you include all the times my incompetent co-worker doesn't show up.
My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her treatments started today.
Scott's car slid on snow/ice destroying the tire resulting in spending lots of money to fix it.
Annnnnnd I got the flu.


I'm tired of feeling so stressed out.

But(!) tomorrow starts a new month and its gotta be better than January, right?

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Still
Tuesday. 9.25.12 9:02 am
So I decided that I'm going to start sharing my dreams with you guys.
They are really weird and strange and sometimes very terrible so please don't think me crazy. ha.


On Sunday night I had a dream that the world was ending. It wasn't as scary as it was weird but in my dream I was really scared. Trees were floating like buoys in the ocean, animals were turned into colorful stone statues, I watched my boss crash his car into a building and kill himself because he didn't want to live through the crazy world ending happenings. asteroids and bombs were falling from the sky and then my brother fell off a pier and drowned. The last thing I remember was seeing a big wave coming towards me.

The worst part about it was that I'd wake up multiple times and then fall back to sleep and my dream would pick up right where it left off. I hate that. I got no sleep that night.


Last night I had a dream where I was pregnant. Scott and I were expecting a child and were really excited about it. I was in the hospital and we were prepping for my going into labor and at the very last second we found out we were having a boy. =) We were so happy and couldn't wait to meet our son and we would talk about all the great things we'd do with him....but when I actually went into labor, he came out as a still born baby. I held this lifeless tiny body in my arms and all I could do was scream but it didn't help the emptiness I suddenly felt. He had Scott's nose and dark hair but my blueish green eyes. And he was gone before we even had a chance to hold him. To name him. To even hear his little cry just once. It was awful!!! I felt so sad and my heart felt so heavy and that feeling continued even after I woke up. =( I feel like crying just thinking about it again!

My dreams feel so real sometimes! Or all the time, really. I've always had vivid dreams and I almost always remember them in great detail days after they happen.

I'm not the best at putting into words the images I see and the things people in my dreams say but I have trouble with remember details like that when I'm conscious and trying to recall things, too. haha. But its nice to write them out even if it IS written out poorly.

My mother says that it's an old wives tale that if you dream of someone drowning, it means someone is going to get pregnant. So if I had a dream one night of someone drowning, and the next night of having a still born baby.....well....what is that suppose to mean?!?

Anyway, hopefully for once I can have a night where I don't remember my dreams or that if I do, that it was a good dream. I haven't slept much in the last two days. I need some sleep!

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What up, nutang?!?
Monday. 8.20.12 3:03 pm
Wow it has been months since I've been on here!
Lets see, what's been new with me....
Work has been busy and infuriating as per usual. There have been a lot of changes/switches in the office. Both good and Bad. The woman who sits next to me left for a better job. Its been so weird without her here and not seeing her every day. We still meet up with her for lunch every once in a while so that's good. My old boss took her place. I like him. I've been feeling kind of but also sort of extremely unhappy about my current career situation up until he took over. Just sort of stuck in general. But with this guy as sales manager, I'm actually given opportunities to learn more and grow where as I have kind of just gone with the flow for the last three years due to lack of direction which then turned into laziness.

This summer has been over all pretty stressful. My dad had back surgery, I found out my aunt had terminal cancer, my aunt died, and then Scott had surgery followed by some financial issues I'm currently going through. FUN! I normally love the summer time but at this point, I'll just be happy when its over. I'm getting this constant feeling of stress and grouchiness and just feeling STUCK because of lack of funds to do what I want in my life right now...

Anyway!

We have a lot of fun things in store to finish off the summer on a positive note!
Next weekend we're going up to visit his Brother and we're going to Ninja Restaurant up in New York City! Yay! I am SO excited! A)I haven't been to New York in about 5 years and B)Ninja restaurant looks really awesome!

Then the next weekend is Mom's and My birthday weekend! My mom is turning 50! Any good ideas for a special gift for a mom once they hit that age? I'm seriously drawing blanks!

Then the following weekend we're partying it up with some friends!

Finally the weekend after that, Scott is taking me to a steamboat hotel right outside of Amish country as my birthday present!! SUPER excited about this last one too! =) Its going to be so nice to get away again just the two of us. =)


I just have to keep reminding myself that while life is very frustrating right now, I've got plenty of good things going on too. I just have to stop focusing on the negative and change what I can and wait patiently for everything else to fall into place.

Anyway, whats going on with all of you?!? I'm going to try to look at what everyone has been up to on here recently!

K, well its about that time for me to stop rambling...
Hopefully I wont stay away for as long!

p.s. I was serious about ideas for my mom's birthday gift! I need some outside help on this one!

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missyoumuch
Friday. 3.30.12 3:36 pm
Is it selfish of me to spend a few hundred bucks to go visit my best friend?
Scott and I have been trying to save money all year and we've been doing pretty good. Some things have gotten in the way from time to time where we needed to dip into our savings but it was always stuff that needed to be done. We're trying to save up for a house. We just begrudgingly resigned our lease with our apartment complex and plan on making it our last year in an apartment. By next year, we desperately want to be in something we can officially call our home. Something that's exclusively ours.


So I feel like there's no way I can justify spending $300-$400 dollars for a plane ticket for the other side of the country to go see my best friend.
But I miss her so much! Every Friday at work I get super depressed because all I really want to do is hang out with her and do silly things and go dancing and drink in her moms kitchen and make crazy videos together and stuff. She's coming back to Maryland in June but its for her cousin's wedding and I'll probably only get to hang out with her two or three times IF I'm lucky.

Its not like I don't have other friends....but they are always so busy, and even though we are a lot alike I'm just not as close to them.
I've been through SO MUCH with this one particular girl. she knows everything about me and we've grown up together. She's like a sister to me. She's irreplaceable.

June cannot get here soon enough.

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