yesterday was a sad day, but today's a happy day! hehe.

yesterday wasnt too bad at work la, just that wen my boy is sad, im sad too =( *sob* Thursday, he had de SOC test which he failed and became so pissed cos of ppl in front of him taking so long to finish de obstacles. i tink its kinda unfair? cos if ppl in front lags, ur timing will be counted in too. =( *boo*

so on Friday, there was another test and he tout he cld tk it. but, but, but... it had to rained! *damn* so sway rite, sigh. so he was quite sad cos those tt pass on Thurs cld book out on Friday nite. seeing his buddy book out, he told me he felt so lonely n demoralised. :( and i felt so lost, cos i cant do anythg to make him happy oso. *double sigh*

glad he was feelin much better last nite. Friday morning was horrible. cld sense how pissed he was cos he said everyone had to get confined blah blah, until Sunday den can book out. *hugs hugs* well, thats life hur, u listen to ur boss. cant do anythg but to listen n abide.

i was as gan chiong as him tis morning. lol. i feel my heart beating v fast oso ok. hehe. he had his test tis morning @ 730. all de way till 930 i din receive his msg! tout he failed n din wan to cor me to tel me de result. so gan chiong me wen to sms him. hehe and he told me he passed! with a timing of 8.58! YEAH! *muack muack* hehe. he began from a 12+ time to 10+ time to 8+ time! *congrats my dear*

tis SOC test thingy has been making him worried every other wk from the first day he step in. =( cos failing SOC means high possibility of OOC. alrite, another hurdle crossed! all his field camps r over too (only til end dec la..nex yr stil hav, lol). at least he can rest a bit more now =) field camps r torturing cos dey barely get to slp. *husg hugs*

2006 will be another hurdle to cross. why so many obstacles one! *grin* February and April will be their overseas training. If he gets to go Taiwan, i told him to explore wadever he can during de 3 days leisure time dey gave, so that next time we can go there holiday den he can bring me ard eat nice food! muahah... and he told me "ok, i will be very familiar with the jungle. i bring u there go find food ok". -.-||| how bad he is! hmph~

awaiting 2006 to come cos i wan 2007 to come! by den my boy wld hav ORD-ed and i'll have graduated! yabadabadooooo...! hehe, ok i tink too far. :/

anyway, i stil hav 2 projects on hand. its killing me, really. my brain hurts and im physically + mentally tired. =( exams are nearing, so fast! *scared* taking leave soon, but its to study! *boo*

alrite, as promised, today's another cooking day =) going off! have a gr8 wkend peeps! =)

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(updated on 5/12)

din plan to blog today cos i stil hav assignment waiting for me to finish. *sob* but feelin kinda sad now, so not in de mood to study yet. *cries* i hate myself. i hate myself for being so forgetful. for being so careless. sigh~ today, is de 2nd time, i forgot to bring my fone out. u'd prolly b tinkin wads de big deal man? heh. i also tout de same way. i realised de non-existence of my fone on de way to work, but i din wan to b late, so casually jsu din bother to go home to tk. in my mind, i was tinkin my boy wun b msging too cos he's outfield camp (sickening!).

i just got home, den i saw tonnes of msg n calls fr him! =( *sorry dear* apparently, he's only leaving at 5pm, so he was tryin to contact me b4 tt, but he received no reply (of cuz). i hate myself. if only i wasnt so lazy, i cld hav replied him, and let him noe he's being missed. and that i'll b here for him no matter wad. :/ it seem nothin big to b fussed over. just angry wif myself =( wad if sth happens to him? hu noes? den its gonna mean tt was de last msg he sent to me! *cries*

ok, im tinkin too much. he's just too impt, and i cant lose him. sorry dearest, ive been missing u while working even at de busiest period. tis silly boy, simply noe how to cheer me up. geez. early in de morning, blurry me saw his msg "i'll miss u.. most imptly, i'll marry u!" and it made me smile for de whole day. =)

time flies, its aldy December!! meaning, xmas is approaching!! hehe :p hav always love de season of xmas, all de beautiful lightings and merry merry songs, wooh, liven up all spirits!! *smiles*

met June last Friday. dinner was @ Pepper Lunch! *delicious* we chatted till Coffeebean closed. hehe. thats wad u get wen gals get togeda. yeah :) she is also an early bird ah, thanks for de early xmas gift gal! appreciate it lots. =)

glad to see my boy last wkend too. after all his field camp n what not, so elated to see him =) seriously all de field camps r drivng me nuts. him as well i bet! its like no contact at all.. pengz.

Saturday, my boy din wan to go shopping wif me!! *sulks* heh. no la, jokes, his fren injured himself, resting at hme, so he wen to visit him. met him in de evening n we had dinner @ Holland V's Crystal Jade. *yum yum* met ida and shawn coincidentally @ PS too, hee. so glad to see dem reunite. =)=)=) *3 cheers*

well, as all de xmas lightings r all done up, we had fun taking some pics! hehe. -santa claus is coming to town...!- *grin*

beautiful beautiful!




thx to de lady hu took tis for us! *smiles*


At Suntec:


my boy, de car-fanatic, hehe (he ask me to buy a car for him!! LOL~):


Sunday, wen dwn to my boy's place (and i cooked for him again! hee~) tis time rd, i tried cooking sth different. ok la, not exactly. just sth more convenient to bring and can eat after an hr of journey. =) tadah!



my boy said its like some Western puff. lol. cos it looks like curry puff, yet it isnt. hehe. i put ham+sausage+egg+bacon filling inside. all his favourite! hehe *smiles* at least spending de time to cook isnt wasted, cos my boy likes it. :) he ate finish everythg i brought. *faint* i'll try to cook sth once a wk! provided i hav no classes la :p

we wen out for short lunch at some kopitiam near his plc, den i wen bk to slp. *pig snore* my boy had some army stuff to do (homework again! heh) so i slept lor. he told me "today no shopping ok?" hehe. of cuz ok! :) Sunday is a stay-home day la, i nid to rest too =)

dear's mum came back wen i sorta woke up. i was like stil in my dream wen his mum came into de room. so paiseh. she came in, askin hu wan to see wad she bought first. silly boy, kp askin me to get up saying tt it was for me. ok, so i got up, seriously din noe wad was going on. *blur*

de whole scenario was so embarrassing after tt cos i din noe how to accept de gift from my boy's mum. omg~ hav talked to her, laugh wif her, but at tt pt in time havin to accept an exp gift, i was stunned :/ and my boy, still can act blur and do his own stuffs *ah bish*

dear's mum got me a necklace from Lee Hwa. she said its an advanced 21st birthday prezzie.



really early lor! 3 mths advance wor :) she told me no pt she kp it at home for 3 mths, might as well let me wear nor. hehe, shocked for tt moment, but happy. =) dear's mum wrote "from M & D" in de card, afterwhich, she told him tt it means "Mum & Dad". -.-" i cld guess it faster than my boy. hehe, im cleverer! *cheeky smile*

im really touched. last yr, she have me a red packet for my birthday. even more embarrassed tt time. headed to dear's mum workplace togeda wif him to thank her. :p ah, im turning 21 soon! geez. hope to accomplish a few things. adult means being independent! no more living off parents! =)

im in a chirpy mood. tho stil quite sad tt i couldnt msg my boy. cant wait for de wkend again. tho part of it is spent studying. *jiu ming ah*

i miss u dearest! Cant be wif u physically, but im supporting u mentally! jiayou ok? remember you can do it wor! =) i'll cook nice food for u again k? hehe. im so thankful, i met you, and love you. -hope u feel de same too-

_____________________________________________________________

I am updating at work again. Heh..(updated on 2/12)

Now no more 2 hours lunch. =( Recently (not very recent actually, ha) the big big boss was in ultra super bad mood. At 8.45am, she called her secretary to spot check on who has arrived at work, and who hasn’t. At 9am, another spot check. Heng ah, I was there on time. *phew* A few of my colleagues kena, and dey got kinda angry cos it was raining tt day somemore, and dey r de ones hu always stay back at work one. Sigh~ Colleague B kena of cuz. She’s like ultra late lor…9.30! Plus, some senior ppl were called into her room also. But u noe la.. dey r like apple polishers lor, after some ‘talk’, de big boss in ok terms wif dem liao.

Ever since tt day, I make sure Im early, or at least on time. Practically everyone does tt now. By 8.35 latest, ¾ wld have arrived. Heh. Only under pressure and scolding den ppl will be on time? Hai~ But den again, such culture is not healthy at all. Even the seniors come at 8am, dey also read newspaper.. walk here n there, until bout 9+ den start working lor.

Anyway, I tink everyday work also got ‘happening’ stuff until I get so tired of handling it aldy. Well, colleague B is still going on leave and on MC every alternate days! In November, I tink I can count by my fingers how many days she came to work lo! So damn irritating but wad to do? Ive to cover her, meaning de shit work always I do lor. Den wen she comes back, she will always say without fail “eh thanks ah, paiseh ah, I was really sick”. I hear until dun wan to hear aldy. *grrr* and she’s so i-dunno-wad-to-call-her, even wen she’s at her desk and just bcos she doesn’t feel like answering calls, she’ll divert all her calls to me! Madness~

Then my reporting boss also one big problem. He’s such an egoistic person! Always tinkin tt he’s right and insisting on this n that. Ya la, Im quite new la, but if you dun believe wad I say, den I cant do anythg also. Sometimes, its system constraint, whereby I cant even change anythg! And he expects me to do sth bout it. Den wen his files go missing, he accused me of not keeping track of de files. Wth~ as if I keep the files got advantage to me ah? Crazy~ guess where I found de files? At his drawers ok! Crap. So I took it out fr his drawer and showed him, he had de cheek to sae “oh u see, I told u it was with xxx dept rite? So u wen to tk it fr dem?” wa lau, faint lor.

He was beside me, and I just took out fr his drawer, is he blind? He jus simply dun wan to admit. And he stil tink he is right. He said I did bring de files to another dept. so ok la, I tout I was wrong (short term memory ma) but wen I open de file, tadah, de latest document showed de date, I wasn’t even workin here ok! Damnit. after much hassle and explanation, he told me to go bk. :/

So many instances happen lidat aldy. Everythg I say, he will go “u sure? U better check wif de rest”. Crap. Den he’ll ask me to check with de rest. And wad? End up wad I sae is really correct wad. Small little things, he muz create until big big problems. Every lunch hour is like complain time. LOL. Everywhere I go now, my colleague will say I hav de stressed look. LOL~ at first is stress la.. cos tout im doing wrong things n not to his standard ma. But now, its more to being angry n pissed wif him. Cos he simply tinks I dunno my stuff la. Wadever. I’ll just do my work, now he is transparent to me. Super duper egoistic, arrogant face, everythg he sae is correct, never apologise wen he’s wrong = waste of time for me to entertain him.

Hai, he simply spoil my day. The past 2, 3 wks have been horrible. Even wen I go for classes, I feel so angry. Seeing the accumulated assignments I hav to do, and de nvr ending projects (as usual) plus exams of cuz, I wanna die aldy. =( *stressed* Just yesterday, I attended an Investment Option Trading Talk by Dr Clemen Chiang. He talked to us bout his sch + work exp which was indeed enriching. He was a student there before too, and de seminar was basically telling us tt an alternative way to make money is to use option trading. So chim, but interesting. =)

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[i'm not slacking i'm not slacking! LOL~ taking a small break amidst my study. jus tout of sharing tis story. a long one, but it touched my heart. hope it touches urs too. *smiles* =) treasure de gd moments in life.. life's short!]

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front
of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my
arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong
and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid, I went
into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily
increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant.
Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our
kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely
to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My
heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I
bought for her.

Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words
suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, "Men like
you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls." Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help
doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said," You go to select some furniture,O.K.? I've
got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy, because I had
promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became
clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how
mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good
wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose we divorce, what will you
do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed
that 'divorce' was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she
would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff
looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while
talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my
subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together."
I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more. When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you," I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want to divorce." I raised a serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
"why?". "I'm serious." I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her
angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man!".
At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted
to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she
could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and
then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been
living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take
back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.
To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had
obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing
something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was
still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I
was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's
time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son
would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see
our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you
still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?"

This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, "I remember". "You carried me in your arms", she continued, "so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce.

From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning."

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end
her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it
was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce," she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I
carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped
behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms."

His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus,I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was
not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished.
Be careful when you pass there." On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she
put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The
sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now." She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger.

I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.
Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.

I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.

Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if
we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son
had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old."

I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was
lack of such intimacy." I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious."

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. "You got no fever."
She said. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only say
sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she
and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other
any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave
birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say
sorry to you."

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the
door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which
was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the
card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."

[ i love you, hunney..]

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wo zhen de shi bai le..

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my fren just got back from her Malaysia-Genting trip wif her dearest. i oso wanna go wif my boy. *sulks* she told me de whole trip, it sounded so interesting, and de pictures did justice. it was damn nice lor. dey wen rd shopping and playing games, it was like "wah". and best part, her hubby drove her there so dey only paid for de accomodation. sigh sigh, wished i cld go too. =( wad to do? i aint tt fortunate. if i wan to go, i've to consult many ppl for? approval! damn~ even Jon and Novem r going KL tis Dec. hai, guess even wen im 21, tis same rules apply to me. wth. everyone needs a break rite? so stressed out wif de books, i cant possibly face de books now. im gonna cry. deadlines r nearing, and im really DEAD. *kill me*

hai~ i tink, i seriously dun like my life. ha, its not hate ok, dun like only. muahah.. tis cannot do, tt cannot do. its making me wan to get out of tis 'no-freedom-to-do-wad-i-wan' place. i feel 'cooped up' in tis hse of mine. things i do i hav to report. kind of sick. :/ everytime i tink of wad i've to do, wad happen before, i just feel like renting a hse out there. ah ha, met up wif June yest, tok to her quite a bit. really sick of de restrictions i hav in life aldy. 20 yrs old, yet many things i stil cant decide for myself! *double sigh* life's so short, yet, it has to be so terrible.

"i am waiting for you to rent me a small room ok! the earlier de better!" hehe, tt was our deal. =)

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back from a torturous lecture 4 days in a row. night classes is really tiring. *yawn* i practically hav no energy to do anythg by de time i get home ard 11. *tired* tis wk's wkend was burnt. i miss my boy. *cries*

guess i wun b updating much for de time being (unless ive time during work). on hand having 3 more assignments to go. 1 is done, n im handing it up tml. time flies pretty fast. dear has been in army for bout 6 mths. hang on there, my dear. you noe i'll be here if u nid me. *hugs*

tml starts another wk of work. and my boy is going for another wk of field camp. *faint* and the following wk, there's another field camp. sigh~ he's dreading it, as much as i am too. i cant wait for all to be over.

too many loads on my shoulder now. sigh. studies is stressing me out. i hope work wun b too horrible tml. last wk's work was horrible, cos my boss maligned me. and wen he knew he was wrong, he din even apologised, he jus gave de arrogant face and replied "ok, den there's no issue, u can go bk". crap~

hav a few events to look fwd to. namely xmas, counting dwn to 2006 (YAY), my boy's 21st Birthday, Chinese New Year, Valentines Day, our Anniversary, my 21st Birthday etc. of cuz now, de nearest wlf b xmas. i hope it'll b a memorable one for us. if things go as planned, i'll tk few days leave end of dec. in conjuction wif xmas, as well as to attend my boy's social nite. i nid a break. *stress*

im impressed wif my frens hu can study overseas, wif no love ones by their side. tt really nids a lot of strength to go tt. sigh, im in a better position than them, yet i cant seem to handle tis stress well. *cries*

amidst our busy life, my heart still beats for you. im still missing you. and definitely, im still loving you. my precious one, take good care, remember not to give up, you're halfway in reaching your goal my dear. i'll be waiting for your return (there's still many dishes i hav to cook for you to try). i'll study hard. and i'll tk care of my health. i love you, very much.

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