Today is a great day for Kurt and Gina. Congrats.....This is also a meaningful day for me, Have a Family & Love education thru wedding solemnization......One can say a lot, make a lot of promise, but if no one take the initiative to make the first step....nothing happen and it end to be a broken promise.....



P.s. Thx bro for breaking the news to me, it confused me. However, it gave me the motivation to work harder....not only for "you" but also for myself......

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It had been a long time since I updated this online diary..

Today is my late daddy chinese B'day as announced by my mum yesterday...hope he really lived well in other world....I know I cannot see him, but could he see me?....

Pretty tiring recently....especially with my family and my workplace....

Although my relationship with my mum is getting better recently, my mum's mood swift really scared me......one moment I'm okay talking to her, after I went back to my room, she cried....saying that no one talk to her and no one care about her.... I have no choice but to comfort her....end up kenna scolded but i have no choice, i guess....

Workplace have always been a drama place. My assistant manager and manager do not really take care of us.....as long as other department complain, it seems that our department will just have to follow.....sometimes I wondered, what is there to scare of as long as we are right?....Haiz, don't the higher management understand that protecting the staffs and interest of client are the prime priory of managing a organisation.....how far can a company go if no staff support it? Feedback have all become grey area....." to break traditional issue need a lot of time"....Don't give me the crap, I do not see any effort make to break the chain....

No other time to think of others matters...I will give leave it to fate I think.....being so tired.....really want to give some good sleep....

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Today is my elder sister birthday. 3 more hours to the end of 04 Sep 2009. But now I'm still in the office, slacking, blogging, donno what I am going to do next..... Since my dad incident, i had not been as close to my sister. Really hope that I can break the ice soon. Thinking quite a lot recently. About future, about bgr, about family, about studying.....all these seems like never end.....

Pretty moody nowadays. My temper is getting from bad to worst. Since my dad death, have not really been focusing.It is so dangerous, I have been spending money without much consideration. Just bought a I touch with only 2 days of consideration.

BGR and studying is my main concern now. Pretty glad that Ting Feng and Shawn actually did "not bad" for their study. This somehow marked where I am going next year. If they can do it, so can I, althou I know that it is not going to be easy.

At the present moment, I really pray and wish hard that I can overcome my temper and emotion. I know that my train is off the track now. I want to put my train back to the track fast. If not, I afraid I donno how to face my dad when I see him next time.

Lastly, Happy Birthday to you, sister.

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Friends

Friends formed an important part in my life....no, perhaps I can say friends are in my blood. I'm cannt decribed the feeling of this special bonding, the laughter that we created, it seemed to blow all my trouble away.

Very much different from admiring the one I love, this type of feeling is so pure. . Just like a new born baby, so innocent.

I appreciated all those friends who I still keep in contact with. Brothers like Sam, Lawrence, Roy, Aug; Sister like Clara and Best friend like Aiisha .....they are special friends who I willing to address them as brothers, sisters and best friend. People whom we share our secrets and troubles. Especially for Lawrence and Aug, they are ones that know most of my secret. The ones who know my future planning and the girl I loved....etc They just know it all.....Think one day, I will just kill them to ensure they keep mum.....haha....

I liked and treasured my every single friends. Here, although I know that they do not have link to my blog, I just wanna to thank you...a very sincere thank you to all my friends.......and wish all of you good health...

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I'm really happy for you, friend. My Basketball "Ka kit". Finally, after a few month of hesitation, u had asked her to be yr girlfriend. Everything is glad to be smooth. Guess there will be less time for basketball for you liao. All the best to you. It is wonderful to be together with someone you love.

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It had been so long since I last do my blogging. It is kind of pain to write it down. So many things occurred for the past 4 months. For those close friends, remember something I said before?

- We human always learn from ABC. ~~ we must have the correct attitude and behaviour which in turn shape our characteristic. But there is something which I did not say, "we have to take note of our PE too". PE in here do not referred to Physical Education, but People and Environment. These are two factors which will affect our emotions, so strongly that it will change our attitude and behaviour....

Before I carried on, I had to thanks all my friends for attending my father's wake. Sorry for those friends who I did not informed about my dad death. I did not forget you all. It is just that my mum do not want a lot of friend to know. Afterall, it is not something to celebrate about......

It happened on the 16th Feb 2009, around 1300hrs. It was my first day of reserve. I was doing some reserve briefing. This was when I found my handphone with 3 miss call and one sms from my cousin saying that my dad condition is in critical...it took me some time before I booked out of camp and rushed to the hospital. It was ard 1350 when I reached SGH. That time dad is semi-conscious, mum, sisters were all tearing.....I walked to my dad....hold onto his hand...shouting out "dad"..."dad".....I wanted to show him that I'm strong, I promised him that I will be the one taking care of this family....I try not to cry, but my tear just dropped.........ard 3 pm, doctor announced that my dad is gone...I'm still holding on to my dad's hand...what is the coldest thing in the world? It is a corpse.....It is colder than ice....


The wait was 5 days as we had to wait for relatives from Hong Kong and Malaysia to attend. It was a crying scene for the first day....my mum could not take it, neither do the rest of the family.....second day is slightly better, thanks to auntie who accompany my mum all the time......I really thanks my uncle who contribute not onli financial but also physically in helping out in the wait....without him the whole wait will be in a mess.....Although I only informed ard 12 friends, I'm surprised that quite of number of friends turned up, really appreciate this type of care...I could feel the warmest.....

The last day of wait is the saddest moment....it was when, I as the eldest son, sent my dad his last journey.....I'm in my own world that time......never in my life I believe in flash back memory.....It really does.....I saw the time when my dad scold me, hit me with a bamboo stick, love me....one thing that I will alway remember in my heart is what my dad said when he is alive:~~~"son, don't wait, don't wait, you will regret if you wait"....Regardless how strong am I, I cried and was so emo on that day.....I had so much regret to my dad....I'm not a good son, I had yet to lead you a comfortable life, I had yet to show you any girlfriend, I had yet to share you my secret, I had yet to talk heart with you, I had yet to drink with you, I had yet to......

I want to thanks friends who jio me out for drinks, KTV and outings so as to release my stress.....I'm sorry if I'm moodly that time....think that I'm still not ready at that time....

Dad is always an easy-going man, strict to children and love his wife. He tried his best to stay alive regardless the pain that he goes thou until the god decided to take him....at least he celebrated my mum b'day.....valentine's day.....kiss her, saying I love you.....

Already 2 month, and now that I'm ready to write it down and file it as a memory. My family is doing fine. I'm still working hard and saving up for studying next year, elder sister will be working and studying her uni soon, while the younger one is preparing for her 'O' level. Mum also got a job.... I think this make her think less. I am having more chatting with my mum now. Partly to make her feel that there is someone to talk to.....

P.S. I proud that I'm your son

In the memories of Ho Kam Chuen

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