Haven't talked to Meg or Blayne-sama today. And really, I don't feel like it. What is the point of talking to people that when everytime you look at them/their screenname, you remember what they said and how they really dont CARE what they said. -sighs- Apologies truly mean nothing but at least the efforts there. I really don't deserve them, but it's alright, hope springs eternal... Perhaps I should apologize to them, for I got what I deserved but stil.. useless..

Meh mum and sister are still in Texas. They left yesterday morning and will be back tomorrow night.. -sighs- been quiet without either one of them here.. meh and meh dad and meh other sis went to church this morning... no pastor so they just kind of sang the favorite hymns and stared out the window, thinking, running things over through my head... generally useless thoughts..

Why does crying make you so damn tired? Ugh.. Now my head hurts. >< I'd take Advil but it'll be useless.. psychosymatic shit has no medication.. e.e

I suppose I did rather well today.. No one asked if anything was wrong.. It's so stupid, pity.. People need to stop caring.. it does very little good.


Tick… tick… tick… tick…That clock is driving me crazy… The slow, even measurements of time, slowly stealing everything from you… Your youth, your sanity, your body, your love… Well… It would, but everyone is numb… a slap in the face is a dose of reality but of a physical nature. Your cheek roars, their hand stings.. But the emotion behind it all is dying. The brief interlude of passion, the short infatuation that is now deemed Love and a quick moment of happiness are all that there is left. People become cold, and when you look into some of their eyes… the hollow ring of memories is pulling away the notions of happiness. If you can keep onto the joy, you are envied, and you begin to horde these smiles. But then the smiles disappear, since happiness must be shared, as everyone deserves happiness. But then others deem others unworthy and fighting breaks out… The greed festers and burns, it’s fuel the quest for happiness… If you seek happiness through the death of another, you denied their happiness. Kill as much as you like, the world stands to allow you to do it. But you must be ready to be unhappy, because you robbed them of their happiness...

People whine about people caring only for themselves.. that's being greedy...
People whine about people caring only for others... that's being stupid...
But what do people say when you care, not about yourself nor anyone else, but caring for people not getting hurt while you create your own prison of pain...


Give Me A Label.

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Oh, today was somuch fun, I think I might just have an orgasm.

I got hauled out of bed around 10, cuz meh mum was off with meh dad and sister. Meh sister and I went to kendo and it was rather enjoyable. It's had to have the will to hack someone into itty biddy bits with a bokken with people watching you. -.- Really pissed me off.

-eats Penne- Yum dums. A bit too cheesy though. -feeds the rest to her cat- I hope he gets sick on it. ^_^

Ohh, look! I'm surround by assholes!

susan was being such a bitch last night. i know ive fucked up in the past but im trying to change that. and no matter how much she says shawn thinks im a slut, i know that shawn knows they were just mistakes. shawn knows i want to be different and shawn also knows that i can change. see unlike shawn, susan doesnt have any trust in me changing. btw susan.. im not, i never was, and i never will be A SLUT! bff's dont say things that hurtful to eachother.. so maybe i need to watch who im friends with.. ( NOT you ) -- href=http://www.nutang.com/members.php?user=OoO_BuBbLes>Meghans Blog

gotex2k2: I'm surprised to hear that.....from what I hear you'd let anyone finger you.....
nora_tigerprincess: ..I'm sure I don't know what you mean, do try and take your medications. You ramble so much with out them
gotex2k2: There was a short pause before you said that......sure that you didn't bump your head on someone abdomin and lost some memory? Or perhaps you like to lie about whatever makes you feel uncomfortable. A hand down my pants would sure make me uncomfortable.... -- Blayne-sama

-smiles softly- I.. hope they don't mean it. Words spoken in anger can be, at the time the most cutting, but after a while, people don't mean them anymore and as the will behind it goes away, it goes away...or something like that..

If I wasn't so damn co-dependent, I would just go and leave as a hermit. The less people there are, the less they can say. Lonleyness makes you dull but words make you bitter... or some bullshit like that.

I would swallow my pride
And choke on the rinds
but the lack there up would
cut me open inside
Swallow my doubt
turn it in side out
Find alot of it as
Faith in nothing
Heart getting tender
Heart in a blender
Spin all around
To a beautiful oblivion
Heartwave through
and I'm through with you...

-leans back slightly, closing her eyes- I'm not sure on the exact lyrics.. my apologies.

I gotta say what I gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away

The world is not a fair place..

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SHIT! I made a post then when I tried to press 'Make This Awesome Entry', the fucking thing had signed me off, and now it's all gone. -.- Ah well...

Let's see, the random idiotcies of my friends!

Pawel- Ranting about political correctness sucking dick, and Brit's and chips and what not. Really, really bizarre conversation. Started with s- and is just going haywire from there... I like it ^_^

Jeff- Not really talking. Being boring >.<

Lara- Ignoring my existance

Torrey- DAMNIT, I wish he was here.

I am realleh bored. But I think I'll stay online and pray for something interesting to happen, like a massacre or.. did I just wish for a massacre? Yep.. I scare myself. This is a new low..


Madness takes it's toll. So Please have exact change!

^_~<3 Lemme a message, or give me a call. ^_^


Wri±±en wi±h a pen
seåled wi±h Å kiss
If you love me
Pleåse Ånswer this
Do you love me
Ør do you Ñot
You ±old me Ønce but i forgot
SØ ±ell me Ñow,
Ånd ±ell me ±rue
So I cån say I love You too
Of all the people I ever me±,
You're the one I'll nêvêr forge±.
Ånd if I diê bêforê you do,
I'll go to hêåvên and wåi± for you
But if you're no± ±hêrê on jugdêmên± dåy
I'll know you wên± ±hê othêr way
I'll givê ±hê ångêls båck ±hêir wings
Ånd risk thê loss of êvêry±hing
to provê ±o you my lovê is ±rue
I'll go ±o hell jus± ±o be wi±h you

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Well.. today wasn't bad. Actually, it really, really sucked.

We got back from the roadtrip today. Our battery died at Dickinson, so we had to get the really hot, flamboyantly homosexual man to recharge our battery. He was cool, and really funny. I talked to him during my sisters interview, and he was cool...

We got home alright and I opened the two envelopes that were left for me. Apparently, I have Math work to do. As WELL as read 'The Autobiography Of Miss Jane Pitman' (WHICH SUCKS LIKE SHIT) and write essays (2) on it, and do a French grammar packet. I think I just, won't do them. Be like "FUCK YOU". I'll even translate it for the French packet "FUE TOI!"....nah, I'll just do it.

Well, I haven't done a list in a while so I'll make one now.

Things That REALLY Hurt Me/Bring Me Down-
5.Having People Angry At Me
4.Making Other People Angry/Sad
3.Coming Home And Having To Wake My Mother Up From The Floor
2.Not Being Able To Help Someone

And What Hurts The Most?

1.Being ignored.

Yeah, that was a really boring, useless, tiny little window into my sick and twisted mind.

By the way, I'm sorry if I lie to you, it's nothing personal. I hate people going deep inside and knowing about me. If I keep aloft and unknown, then I don't get hurt as much. That's why this stupid journal/weblog is kinda hard. >.> I feel like the bloody AA people, 'admiting my problem'. The only person I'm really comfortable is Torrey..

Anyway, the reason this thing is so melodramatic and pathetic, is because my mother forgot. Yep. Forgot meh. Takes talent, personally, I think it does. I can't even excuse her for being drunk, because she wasn't! :-(

I went to Mary's neighborhood pool and Morgan, Tyson (Emily Tyson) and Andrew (to my surprise) were there. We were swimming and doing the booty call and whatever other idiotic dances the pathetic and drugged youth of my generation can dream up. When it was time to go, I called my mom and she said she'd pick me up. About 20 minutes later, I called again. She'd forgotten once. So she said she would get my dad to do it. She forgot to tell him. I had to call again. The people were kinda mad and I don't blame them. Closing time was 10. I left around 10:40.

-sighs and shivers- Yesh... well.. Talking to Pawel about poisons and which are the most fun (his opinion being expressos), Blayne is having a light banter with meh, Jeff doesn't believe that I can go out and not be a stupid idiot and PaGe is being niceful and shizziful. ^^;; I have cool friends.

^_~<3 (You should all know what that means by now) and lemme a message. Call the cell - (443) 520 4916 and I really don't care who you are anymore.Honestly. I don't. Call me and find out. ^_^ Now I'm happy.

THANK YOU PAWEL, PAGE AND BLAYNE! ^_^ Night night and call/lemme a message.

Now off to finish my fun debate about Protestants Vs. Catholics debate with Pawel. ^^;

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Yep. I DON'T know what day it is. -sweatdrops- It's like... Wed. or something.. -sweatdrops again- Anyway, letsee... Highlights of the roadtrip which I'm still on-

The hotels- Which have, so far, SUCKED! The first was 'Regal Inn'. I swear it was a f---ing bloodstain! >.> I'm scarred for life. Also, the t.v. was every other channel porn. This I wouldn't mind, if there was something else to do instead of watching the idiotcentric, commericalized world of MTV because the history channel was replaced by women in skimpy lingurie ordering pizza's!! -twitchs slightly- THe second hotel wasn't bad. I was given the window bed. It's actually EXACTLY what it sounds like! A bed! On a window sill!The upside was it was realleh coolio though, and I got a lot of artwork done by looking out the window. The downside was it was on top of the bloody airconditioner. Eventually, I just got into bed with my sister and told her I'd rip off her fingers and shove them mercilessly into her eyes if she did anything to me.

The food- YYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMM! ^__^ When trying to get to a man, give him beer. While trying to get to a teenage girl, give her FOOD!!!

The actual driving- I've been exposed to many types of driving on this roadtrip and all of them bad. I'm discovered No U-turn signs lliiee, you can always beat the cops if you drive fast enough and if you miss an exit, you can drive onto the grass and still make it. That was just my mothers driving. When Sarah drove, it got worse. We got lost once and were going the wrong way on a street, which we only realized when a large truck was headed towards us. Then we got into the other lane and pissed off the an SUV. It didn't help that when he honked, I stuck my head and my middle finger out the window and screamed "HONK THIS, ASSHOLE!"

The people- The people are nice. Kinda creepy, but nice.

The colleges- Weellllll.... Swarthmore was really cool, Holyoke was facist and dictating, Amherst was boring and Barnard was REALLY boring. I sat there and read the freaking personal ads! An exerp from some of them.

Men Seeking Women- 34, likes women 45-70. Enjoys dining, movies and sex.

Men Seeking Women- 56, masogynist, enjoys laser hair removal. WHO ENJOYS LASOR HAIR REMOVAL!!?!?!?!??! o.O And masogynist? Woot, what a turn on. >.

Men seeking Men- 24, not looking for a steady boyfriend, just a bedmate.

Yep... I was really, quite a lot different after reading those! I also found out what a Prince Albert is and a Prince Wand is. If you don't know, trust me, it's not worth knowing.

Excellent Mother Quotes From The Drive-

"Tony's from Mass.? Aren't they all gay up there?!"
"Wow, look, a speeding SUV. There's a nice cop waiting for him."
"The only way to get men to pee into the toilet and not get it everywhere is to put a bullseye. Men are naturally competitive and will always aim for it."

Excellent Sister Quotes From The Drive-

"SUSAN! You look like a hussy!...nice shirt though..""
"Cows lay eggs! Yeah! No wait.. no they don't.."
"Susan! Don't give the man the finger! Wait, he nearly hit us.. GIVE HIM THE FINGER, GIVE HIM THE FINGER!!"
"Well.. He's as loyal as mans best friend, but not quite as smart..Reminds me of someone I know.."-The beginning part is a Slayers quote about Gourrey-
"That's Pawel? Tony's not bad and his friends even better... Very sexy."

And last, but not least, the Tony bit of the trip so far-

Heh.. Heh heh... Whee! Yeah, anyway.

Well, meh got out of the car and I'm looking around and I saw who I didn't think was Tony. So I looked back around and the guy gave him the Victory symbol. Sarah just HAD to pip up "Whoo. You're friends are on more crack then you are."

But he was pretty cool. We went up to a cafe with meh mum and sister and sat down. He offered to buy me something (+10 points) but I didn't want anything and didn't want to waste his money. So then meh mum and sister came up from the bathroom and we all talked, not very much though. (-5). Then meh mum went to read a book and my sister vanished, so we talking about YuGiOh! (+30 for amusing Bakura impression). We talked about Lara (-10 for information about her he didn't need to know -giggles- ) and Liz and anime for a bit. Then Pawel came up (who my sister finds very attractive) and I downed some of his expresso, which I instantly regretted. Bleck, it tastes like crap people! They talked for a bit and I discovered their conversation was realtively normal considering most of the other people I know/hang-out with and wish I didn't know. Then he had to go home for dinner so I gave him an envelope (What's in it? ITMITSU! SECRET!)

So all and all, with a point system that starts at 0, his score was (dun dun dun dun)- 35!! ^_^.

When meh mum, meh sister and I were are leaving, they were coming out and Tony and I exchanged waves and Sarah studied Pawel and merely said "Wow. Tony's not bad and his friend's even better." And she claims to be A-sexual. >.
Anyway, I'll leave you all with the random poetry/stupid-drivel/song-lyrics/shit I usually do. Joker Love ^_~<3 And Lemme a comment ^_^

"The brain is larger then the Sky."-Emily Dickinson
"Just wed her, break her, bed her and get her out of the house and the money's all yours!"Lucentios (sp?) in 'Taming Of The Shrew' (Awesome book)
"See, in most peoples lives, life gets really, really really good! But what goes up must come down and when it comes crashing down, some people just can't bear up with it and kinda shoot themselves in the h- OHHH! CANDY!" My sister


"Id need a witty, evil, gothic type name."
"Like Sephiroth?"
"No. Like Zombie Lord." <--- Dani's away message

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