I went to the movies with (technically) Carmen, Erik, Richard, Mary, Gary, and my sister..

Erik, Richard & Carmen never showed up.

Mary and Gary nauseated me.

My sister sat apart from us.

We watched Hero.. it's a very sad movie.. I liked it though.. Before that, my entire family went down to Hampden to have brunch.. it was very nice.. I also bought a skirt down there for school, a 'Shelby County - Penal Farm' (nice way of saying jail) patch, a 'Like a rock.. only dumber.' pin with Bush's face on it.. and a pair of boots.. rather dull I suppose. The movies just sucked and ruined my day. Not like it took much to ruin I suppose...

Tomoro I have school once again. I actually look forward to it. Now that the first week is past, we shall begin our curriculums.. something to distract me.. But for many girls school an excuse to gawk at the guys.. how petty. No men fit their critea (hot, rich, romantic) and they're just little boys.. I suppose Siro has a point, I am acting aloof.. But I am merely stating what I think.. i'm sorry..

-sighs and leans back, staring at her cieling-

I would write 'please call me, I need it..' but many of you are not the people I wish to speak with.. I would write 'Please call me Tony or Siro' but that is demanding and harsh. so I will write nothing but this.. Because crying alone hurts..

I walk down the hallways of my school, mentally hearing the girls glances and the boys glimpses scream 'whore' 'bitch' and 'slut' at me.. My own mind is turning against me, making me imagine things they know which I know they can not.. I am breaking up inside and I can tell no one. Only the two men and the one girl knows.. but they are not here.. the one man, the ram of the zodiac could not care less.. the single girl, the tiger of the zodiac was pushed into the same position as me, and as hard as she tries, she never think she does enough.. I am at a loss for what to think for the last man. --Author Unknown (Mentality Of The Raped)

good night..

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What did I/Am I doing today?


No use lying.


I'm cutting.

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Hello my name is Katijakun Sodako. I think I'm completely insane

....


Why? Well, that's a stupid question. Because, quite obviously, I want to hurt everyone around me

...

No, that isn't human nature. Humans are greedy and vindictive, yes, but rarely homocideal. Maybe I should start with how I think I went insane?

...

Yes, I thought it was a good idea too. Well, my father died when I was little. My mother, instead of going out and finding herself another husband, she decided to become a boozer.

...

A boozer? Oh, it's someone who drinks too much. Anyway, my big sister Ayumu, left this world to the beautiful sound of lead, a great way to say she blew her head off, and this made my mother a heavier drinker and a vengeful one. So I started avoiding coming home at normal hours. But sometimes she woke up to me coming home, or sometimes she was awake when I got there. She'd hurt me, in more then just your typical ways.

...

Oh, like verbal abuse with physical violence. Anyway, I - hey, I thought I talked and you agreed not to write anything down!

...

Oh, that's a nice drawing, you should have become an artist, not a shrink.

...

So what if this pays more? Yeah, okay, back on track. So, that, and 'ryu are why I think I am genuinely crazy.

...

'ryu? Well, his full name is Bakanjitsu Totomiryu, but I just call him 'ryu. He is my best friend.. sorta...

...

No, I don't wish to elaborate.

...

Well, 'ryu is one of my old friends from junior high. He kept pestering me to let him hang out at my house after school. I kept saying No, afraid of what he would see, and he kept asking, wanting to know what he'd see. One day, I addicentally said yes. I hadn't been paying attention and it slipped. So he came over and - Oh, time's up. Same time next week?

...

Okay. You too.

...

Bye.

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Damn, that felt good. I just back from Kendo and I still feel homicidal.. Can't beat my punching bag any more with my bokken.. I kinda busted a whole in the side.. sorta.. kinda.. not my fault.. >.> But I'm still pissed at Kerri... So I might be taking a little visit to her in my spiffed out ship (A '89 Olds Mobile -Driven by my sister) and pimp-fu her ass. >_<

I know gun-fu. So let me rip out my gun-kata and rip through some shit.



-cranks up Shinedown 'Too' then '.24' and closes her eyes, proceeding to meditate-


Great music, I like it....

Dad- SUSAN! TURN DOWN YOUR MUSIC!!!
Meh- FUCK OFF, BITCH!
Dad- Mmm.. -wanders off muttering about hormones-


He's probably the only dad who I can scream that at and he comes down 10 minutes later with a cookie and some warm milk.. I needed that. :-(.. I love my daddy... -curls up in her chair with her greenie blanket and her cookie. Munchs silently, staring at the keyboard- I'm tired.. and angry.. but not as angry any more cuz now I'm tired.. so now I'm deflated.. -finished cookie and sighs-


-grabs cat, hauls it into her lap and clings- Whaaaaaaaa!! -sniffs- meh gonna call Sheppard Pratt again.. bye bye.

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KKWTWNS: yeah
KKWTWNS: but he looks so creepy in his picture .. yet cute
BluBerryEyeLiner wants to directly connect.
KKWTWNS is now directly connected.
KKWTWNS: what, you to shy?
BluBerryEyeLiner: me?
BluBerryEyeLiner: I'm.. not girlfriend material
KKWTWNS: ah ya
BluBerryEyeLiner: A) Not pretty B) Not nice C) Always acting tough, never being nice D) an idiot a lot and E) just.. -sighs- not someone he'd like
KKWTWNS: dude practice
KKWTWNS: he'll like u... or we could find you some one
BluBerryEyeLiner:
KKWTWNS: who the fuck?
BluBerryEyeLiner: it's tony
BluBerryEyeLiner: at 4 in the morning
BluBerryEyeLiner: really tired
BluBerryEyeLiner: :-D
KKWTWNS: who is the dude in red?
BluBerryEyeLiner: Richard
BluBerryEyeLiner: I THINK
KKWTWNS: uh..... who is he to you?
BluBerryEyeLiner: i dunno
KKWTWNS: ........
BluBerryEyeLiner: he knows about me cuz tony talks about me randomly sometimes
BluBerryEyeLiner: and i know who he is by name
BluBerryEyeLiner: but other then that
BluBerryEyeLiner: nothing
KKWTWNS: ....awww
KKWTWNS: how cute yet desturbing
BluBerryEyeLiner: ^disturbing
KKWTWNS: so you want us to go on a boy hunt for ya?
BluBerryEyeLiner: no
BluBerryEyeLiner: i want you to go on a ------ hunt
BluBerryEyeLiner: but nah.. i'm fine alone
KKWTWNS: hey how about chris?
KKWTWNS: he's evil -_-
KKWTWNS: well i think you can handel it
BluBerryEyeLiner: chris...?
KKWTWNS: anyway....-_-
KKWTWNS: well *mummbles* bastard
BluBerryEyeLiner: ill pass
BluBerryEyeLiner: look
BluBerryEyeLiner: being lonley is okay
KKWTWNS: well just meet him he doesn't like me any more and he hates me ^_^
BluBerryEyeLiner: no
BluBerryEyeLiner: i'm fine
KKWTWNS: and you two would make good friends
KKWTWNS: hating me..^_^
BluBerryEyeLiner: no
BluBerryEyeLiner: i like you
BluBerryEyeLiner: you're my friend
KKWTWNS: sn:GoldenEagleCS
KKWTWNS: *sniff* what about me
KKWTWNS: say kelli sent you...
KKWTWNS: he'd be so mad ^_^
BluBerryEyeLiner: no
BluBerryEyeLiner: i'm FINE alone
KKWTWNS: and i don't want to speak to him cause he broke my heart but i think he's still my friend
KKWTWNS: just make another guy friend pwease
BluBerryEyeLiner: NO
BluBerryEyeLiner: lonleyness is fine
BluBerryEyeLiner: 'sides
BluBerryEyeLiner: most guys near my age are stupid
KKWTWNS: ... you like older guys?
KKWTWNS: ... uh... did your oldest b/f no how old you were?
KKWTWNS: >.<
BluBerryEyeLiner: i was 12
BluBerryEyeLiner: he was twice my age
BluBerryEyeLiner: do the math
KKWTWNS: no did he know you were..... 12?
BluBerryEyeLiner: brb
BluBerryEyeLiner: yes he did
KKWTWNS: k
BluBerryEyeLiner: back
KKWTWNS: eww a petafile!!!
KKWTWNS: a petafile ... did he do anything to you?
BluBerryEyeLiner: ^pedophile
KKWTWNS: -_-
KKWTWNS: don't correct me
KKWTWNS: but he didn't do anything right?
BluBerryEyeLiner: no
KKWTWNS: oooooooooooo
KKWTWNS: i see
BluBerryEyeLiner: yep
KKWTWNS: SO DID HE BREAK UP WITH HIM?
KKWTWNS: opps
KKWTWNS: o was it u/
BluBerryEyeLiner: it was me
KKWTWNS: ooooooooo
KKWTWNS: coool
KKWTWNS: you stood him up?
BluBerryEyeLiner: no
KKWTWNS: hahah a grown man
BluBerryEyeLiner: . . .
KKWTWNS: its weird
KKWTWNS: just saying
KKWTWNS: its wrong hes so ...OLD!
BluBerryEyeLiner: -shrugs- yes
KKWTWNS: ewwwwwwwwwwww
KKWTWNS: cool ^^
BluBerryEyeLiner: yep
KKWTWNS: so why don't you go with gary then *smirk*
KKWTWNS: if you went with a old hag -_-
BluBerryEyeLiner: hag is a woman
KKWTWNS: meant bag
BluBerryEyeLiner: geezer is a man
KKWTWNS: oh.. then hes a old bag ^^
BluBerryEyeLiner: mm hmmm...
KKWTWNS: what...WHAT!!!
BluBerryEyeLiner: what?
KKWTWNS: nothing now ... but we'll annoy you tommarow
KKWTWNS: ^^ok!!
KKWTWNS: byeness

i shouldn't write entries when i'm down.. mm, i dunno.. I have to write sometime, or i'll never get around to it... Anyway, what's new in my pathetic semblance of life.. well... tony got mad meh.. :-( He's kinda irritable recently, and I hope it's nothing I did. :-/ Probably just pissing him off for being annoying.. Oh well.. ^^;;; life continues on.

Mm... things to do this week-end + monday -
~sleep
~call Sheppard Pratt (for you non-marylanders, a mental hospital) to do the Crisis thing at (basicly, you befriend someone who doesn't get many visitors and spend time talking with them and such).
~get an ENGLISH version of Faust (original) from the library (it's run by Nazi's) and start reading for an IRP.
~get siros mom to re-check my stitches, making sure they're okay
~get siros mom to check meh out for anything.. bad...
~read the book mrs. P (awesome guidance counselor gave me)
~ get a package to Brandon
~get 'Self Portrait' up and on dA


-stretchs and sighs- sounds like a lot, but it's not. btw, Self Protrait is a picture, not the monologue I wrote before...-shudders slightly- that was a trippy monologue.... ANYWAY, apparently, my mother is already making me get a list of highschools to get into, even though it's only Sept and interviews and what not start in September.. the logic is amazing -feel the sarcasm-

I got 6 now, I had 8 before.. >.> A bit high I guess, then again, I know where i'm applying to college (which my dad thinks is absurd, and probably is).. oh well, i suppose i'm aiming an itty bitty bit high, forcing myself to try and get in all 6 places.. but that's just what I want to do. I'm going to completely ruin all middle school girl sterotypes and actually do my work and try really hard on the viola instead of standing around like an idiot, gawking at the guys. who cares? lonleyness is okay, you get used to it after a while. it's not so bad.. you don't always need a crush, a boyfriend, a lover.. it's nice.. to cuddle with someone, or even if it's just online.. to talk to them and have fun with them, 'being with them'... but i just don't feel like putting my effort into it. it happens.. it happens. i won't say no, but i wont ask..

ah well.. guys my age are stupid anyway.i'm stupid for that matter.. this entry is stupid.. i'm gonna talk to erik and cry a little.. crying makes everyone feel better... i might just cuddle with meh kitteh and cry into his fur and annoy him.. yeah.. that sounds nice... good night darlings..

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Hey Jude You'll make it by
Take a sad song And make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey Jude, Don't be afraid
You were made to, to go out and get her
The minute, you let her under your skin
Then you'll begin, to make it better

Well darlings, how has your day been? Excellent, miserable, boring, exhausting, disgusting, stupid, et cetera? Myeh. mine was just boring...

I burnt all the OST C.D's from Cowboy Bebop today. Tank!, No Disc, Blue, and Vitaminless. Whee n.n~ And I burnt Nee-chan's Beatles C.D too... I've had Yesterday, Help!, Lady Madonna, Hey Jude, Elenore Rigby and Ticket to Ride on repeat.

Meh Dad- The BEATLES!? Wow, Susan, I didn't know you liked the ancient stuff :-P
Meh- It's right around your time period I believe.

Yeah.. He got kinda pissy about hearing the same crap over and over and over...>.>;; :-D! Oh well! I like it! So he shalt survive. He banned my Metallica, Thursday, Offspring, 2 mixes, Nickelback, and Linkin Park from playing in the car. :-( Oh well. I just bought the 2nd Hellsing Soundtrack (Ruin) so I gotta play it and see if it's worth buying the first one from the nice ladeh. :-D... SHIT! I gotta leave her feedback on ebay. :-O Oh shit. >.> I'll do that now.. la la la...

And any time, you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world up on your shoulders
Oh well, you know it's a fool Who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

Hey Jude, don't let me down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remeber, to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

We have cleaning ladies at the house today. >< Man, my moms just mean. She's having them do two of the bathrooms and the kitchen. I do the bathrooms for 20 bucks (big things!!) and the kitchen floor for 10! But nooo, let's hire some nice old ladies. They're cool! They heard me playing Lady Madonna and they were humming. WHEE!!!!! :-D

Everytime I smile widely, my chin hurts! BAKA MEH, it got infected... I know, I see you all laughing at me. It isn't my fault! Apparently what I burnt it WASN'T alcohol.. but oil. -.-;; I can't do basic arithmatic (seriously, I took an SAT prep and they were like 'you should work on basic arithmatic. like ADDING') and I can't read.. whoo hoo... it was flamable! who cares WHAT flamable item it is.. was...


>.>


So let it out, and let it in, hey Jude, begin
You waiting for someone, to be perform with
Dont you know, it's just you
Hey Jude, you too, the movement you need, is on your shoulders


<.<

Garydwnlds: Meh, no use hiding it now, I've been pretty down all day....
BluBerryEyeLiner: Aww
BluBerryEyeLiner: What happened?
Garydwnlds: Nothing, really...
Garydwnlds: I suppose it's just me missing you... who knows...

:-(.. I'm getting blackmailed into dating someone. So not cool... -sulks- Anyway, I left feedback for the spiffeh lady who sold meh the Hellsing sountrack and the guy who sent me Tokyo Underground. Which is crappy and doesn't really work.. >.> but oh well.. u.u


Anyway, I didn't get detention today! I didn't feel well enough (my eyes hurt like mother fuckers) to mouth off. I just mumbled irritably and shit. =.=


Leave Me A Comment Because You Llloovvveee Me! ^_~<3

Hey Jude dont make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
To let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better

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