<^>-.-<^>

I..am..going..to..crack..very..very..easily..if..one..more..thing..happens..

-twitchs slightly and screams-

I HATE YOU FUCKING PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-twitchs again- For all you blathering idiots, allow me to add some light into the dim envisionment that is your world. I was talking to Liz, very quietly when my dad was giving me and her a ride from the J dance. I told her about my fears that potentially Meghan was addicted to pot. Wouldn't you, if everytime you hung out with her she asked for cigarettes, pot or alcohol. Now, alcohol I know she drinks, as do most of the people I know ( no names ), and smokings not as bad, but she has mentioned smoking pot before. Maybe I can get yelled at everytime I start to care to much. Maybe that's fucking okay.

Also, her ignorance is painful. She's saying Pot isn't addicted. Out of curiousity, as my dad says pot IS addictive, whom do you think is right? The FDA doctor with a PHD, or the slagging denialist? Could just be my conscience kicking me in the arse.

-shivers- Just.. so mad at Liz for telling, mad at Liz for threatening to tell the guy I love bullshit, I'm mad at Elaine and Marc for being total assholes,I'm mad about getting yelled at out of the blue , I'm mad at everything and everyone and just...-shivers softly-

I wish that everything would just go away. I come here to fucking relax, not have my mind shreded and kicked and killed and.. -sighs and closes her eyes- I hate it, I hate it, I hate it....It's not fair...just want someone to rant to, but that would be selfish.. It's not fair to take my emotions out on someone else.


I need Torrey so badly..

My body's black
And my heart is blue..

I could get onto my knees
And beg you for forgiveness
That aint' my style...


Lemme a message or something..

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ONE MORE PERSON ASKS ME AND I WILL DEFINATELY SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


'Cutting is bad, stop it' You think I do not know this?!?
'*glare*' Fuck you
'You're stupid for cutting' Again, I know!

and number one -

When did you start cutting and why do you it?

>.
One more time, I swear!

Might as well answer it...

When did I start...mmmm....-contemplates- Umm.. 3 years ago.. Yeah, that's about right. I did it for attention the first time, and punishment the second.

Anyway, why do I do it? Or rather at the moment, why did I do it? Mm... Well, let's see.. I did it for attention originally. Yeah, how lame is that. But in the more recent times, I've done it as punishment. Everytime I really hurt someone I love, like Torrey (love love), Mary (sister love) or Jeff (Friendship love), I use it as punishment. Especially when I hurt Torrey. -shrugs softly- Other times, I've used it to do what I thought was helping myself. I gave myself physical pain to try and erase the emotional pain. It would help me remember my sins everytime I looked at the scars and would mentally chastise me. I also noticed if the physical pain was greater then the emotional pain, then it wasn't worth cutting over and I soon just realize how stupid the person/thing was. But if the emotional pain was greater then the physical pain, I waited for them to forgive me, or hurt me again, or hurt me back. It's really quite stupid, but it felt good to see the blood. It was an atonement... Stupid, I know.

But the thing is, if you read this and try and understand, you won't be able to understand. You'll find it stupid and ridiculous and you shall mock me for it, considering what a whiny, little ungrateful bitch I am. But I don't care, but you just don't under stand, and I hope you never do.

It's something you start on your own and must finish on your own.. So forgive me if I do not listen when you yell, glare, flick, scream, bitch, and/or whine at me.


Weekly updates-
I - miss Torrey
am pissed at Liz
am tired
am annoyed at the moron, who has decided Christians are 'fucked-up'.
love Torrey
hate you because you aren't leaving a comment.




^_~<3 Lemme a message.

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-yawns softly- Myeh.. I got up at 3 this morning (10 for ya'll).. I had time to kill, so I meditated.. Yep, crossed my legs into lotus position, folding my hands and placed them into my lap. Clearing your mind takes considerable time, but I did and then I began to consider everything.. Started at the smallest thing and went to the largest thing. Grain of sand, to Life.. -sighs- It was really good.. then I began considering humanity. For some reason, I think best in French, but I dunno. Anyway, here's some stuff to ponder :

Je suis qui je suis
Tu est qui tu est
Et il n'y a pas quel qu'un qui peut te dire d'autre
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - -
I am who I am
You are who you are
And there isn't anyone who can say other wise

La monde n'arrete pas pour te donne une autre chance. Mais les personnes arrete souvent de te donne les chances.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The world never stops to give you another chance. But people often stop to give you chances

Les arbre ne peux pas bouge, et tu ne voix pas les larmes sur ses branches. Il ne peux pas bouge, mais ils avont trouve les formes de change.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The trees can no move, and you do not see tears on their branches. They do not move, but find new ways to change.

Si quel qu'un n'est pas heureux, ne dit pas 'Etre heureux!' parce-que ils besoin de trouve quelque chose joyeux pour lui meme.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
If someone is not happy, don't say 'Be Happy!' because they must find something joyful for themselves.

Quel qu'un qui a un souris tout le temps, n'est pas heureux pour lui meme, mais il est 'heureux' parce que le monde dit, 'si tu n'est pas heureux, etre acteur.'
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Someone who always has a smile, is not happy for themselves, but is 'happy' because the world says, 'if you can't be happy, be an actor'.





...yeah I'm still not serene and refreshed...

Mmm, possibly because my anger at Liz is growing. >.>; Yeah, probably it. She's decided to tell Torrey that I'm 'cheating on him'. Ohhh, Josh touched my tits and I slapped him twice. She's decided to tell him 'raw facts' and get Marci to back her up. Marci wasn't paying attention, she just dislikes me in extreme. But whatever, just cuz Liz can't find love, doesn't mean she has to screw my relationship with Torrey! I made that mistake with Meghan and James, and I've regretted it since. But that's when Meghan was different... Now she's a slagging denialist.

Anyway, I'm going to go get something to eat, cuz I just woke up from my like.. 6 hour nap. >.>;;; Anyway, ja ne!!

^_~<3 Lemme a Message!!!

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'Allo suckers. ^_^

Well, fellow compatriots, the ever daunting task is at last at hand. I am stuck across the pond. As usual, the day we get in, the nice weather changes from very peachy to bloody windy. --.--

Ah well, the weather matches my mood. Pretty miserable... Myeh, I love my grandfather. He's very perceptive. He pretends to be a stupid duff, but he's really quite good. I came down this morning and I sat down and he merely kept reading the news paper, softly saying, "The world says if you can't have happiness, you can fake it. But don't try to fake it. Plastic hurts so much while it's burnt onto your skin."

Myeh, I love that man. Very cool. Meh mum, meh dad, meh sister Sarah and meh Granddad are all sitting here watching a Brit. murder. It's spiffeh. ^^; Very violent, but spiffy anyway. Meh chair is sooo uncomfortable. I feel like someone beat my ass with a paddle. As kinky as this potentially sounds, it hurts like fuck. The whole 'beat me' thing? I think not.

Anyway... poetry time!!!!

White Cigarette
An emblem of light in the city of lights
Black baretta
Another shot lost into the night

Such a waste, dependant on a pill
Those who smile most know joy the least
Emotions make us weakest to the kill
The heart provide such suculant feast

8 knots tied in the noose hanging in the window
7 feet to fall, as time goes slow
6 pills to swallow and throw up
5 cigarettes to slowly puff
4 minutes under sun kissed waters
3 deep slits to the wrist makes you the martyr
2 stab wounds to the chest
1 bullet and then you can guess

Hollywood
A slow suicide of society
Under the hood
Lies the mask of piety

Bottled up emotions drive the owner crazy
All you can do is hide out in the open
You're building a cage of glass, for all to see
An empty smile or a full tear, pick your poison

S Selfish conquering of another place
U Untitled winner of the fastest race
I In time you're the seed of the sower
C Counting the seconds makes it slower
I I draw a line across the sand
D Daring you to cross, to be the man
E Eventually, you will realize
S Sometimes it's better to love then criticize

An inner war
The opposites not always peace
An outer lord
But inside theres no royalty

People are loves greatest defenders
And float above them, all the merry
Because true love knows no genders
And make the wind your worries carry

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watching: The Little AIM Boxs Blink
listening to: Silence...
mood: Fucking Pissed Off

Damn... I'm fucking pissed at everyone.. just.. assholes rule the damn world. I post what I hate most, and that's being ignored. I didn't mean for everyone to do it! Shit man...

I did nothing today that was even VAGUELY productive. Meh mum, Sarah and I went to Target today. Hoorah for assholes who don't pay their people well enough. Anyway, I got a bathing suit and some other shit and my sister got socks. With flamingos on them. -shudders- Neon ORANGE fucking flamingos. --.-- I nearly had a seizure.

Then meh and meh sister went to B&N (Barnes and Nobles) and bought Manga and found a fellow compatriot. Amen to Yaoi Fangirls! She was really cool, though a tad bit hyper. Her and Sarah talked for a bit and I read some of the manga, before buying Ragnorak 7 and ReBirth 7. -dances- But I gotta save 'em for the planes.


Yes, the plane. -groans- On Thursday, the most joyous of day of my life (sarcasm) shall occur. We're going to Britian. Well, really, it's not that bad, but during EVERY Trans-Atlantic voyage EVERY year we find a new place in Europe to go. Last year was Italy, year before was Germany, etc. etc. etc.! This year we're going through Germany, Belgium and France. ("Susan, you can practice your French" I think not). We are, most literally, going to take a fucking car and drive around, looked at different shit, such as the 'cultural points of interest'. Dead people. -.- Most ancient battle sites. The only reason I agreed to have my whining ass pulled along is cuz my dad promised to buy me an Olympic Camera, plus 8 rolls of B&W film. Which I shall probably use at the cemetary by my GrandDads.

-sighs softly- Ah well, it's not too bad I s'pose! I should get paid tomorrow for babysitting the next store kids. Normally, they're really good and alot of fun, and we play horsie alot. But now they've discovered that if they grab some of my breasts and yank it to the, persay, left, that I wil move to the left. -shudders- Damn it hurts. I threatened to break some of the kids hand and he laughed at me. u.u;; Am I that pathetic, that a 3 year old doesn't fear me? I think I'll go cry..

Myeh...Mmmm....I think I shall ask for a gun for Christmas. Then I can do some very Un-Christmasie things to the little bastards and weed out people who piss me off. That, or I'll make a hitlist and slowly create a Mafia, exterminating the little parasites. But the sad thing is, they're like cockroachs. They just won't DIE!!!

Just... -screams- DAMNIT, I hate some people.

....and I think I'm going to be sick.

Siro's dad visited her at her moms and raped her. He has since left the country and she found out YESTERDAY she's pregant- With her fathers child. Her mother refuses to allow her to have a termination, and thus Siro will be giving birth to the little bastard. She is also suing Siro's father for almost everything he's got, on charges of child abuse, sexual assault, assault and battery, rape, and breaking and entering.


3 Cheers For Siro's Mum! But poor Siro. All next year she's gonna be homeschooled. It's actually pretty good, cuz she'll miss the last year of middle school (being homeschooled) and then just start into highschool and no one will ask her embarassing questions. Siro's mum will take care of the child and I suppose it'll go from there.. That's very neat though.. The bi-sexual, musically-talented, sweet person yet slightly psychotic person that is Siro, will be having a child.. But I would definately pass on walking anywhere in her maternity wear...

List Of Weird Friends-

Kyle- Quite homosexual. Fucking Corwin
Corwin- Quite homosexual. Fucking Kyle
Siro- Bi-sexual, leaning towards women, going to give birth to a child
Faye- Product of scientic experimentation. Awesome bitch.
Lara- Too happy even for crack
Mary- Severely depressed, just strangle optimistic in helping her friends
Sarah (W) - Homicidal vampire
Ralph- Way too into Transformers
Blayne- Sweet, yet refuses to act vaguely happy
Richard- DEFINATELY on happy crack
Jeff- Strange ^_^
Diego- Sick, sick, sick child ^_~
Shawn- So into Ron it's scary. Very sweet and terribly funny
Meghan- HORNY
Marc- Pyromaniac
Jessi- Skitzophrenic
Ashlynn- Always finding an asshole and then dating him. A good person, deep down
Ashley- Obsessed anime lover, abuser of the poor bake KSK T_T


-bows deeply- Thank you for the wonderful courtesy of being my friends.

I love ya'll.

Anyway, ^_~<3 and...

LEMME A COMMENT DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!

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SERiES 0NE - Y0U
Birth time: I dunno… morning..
Last place you traveled: Ummmmmm…. Kitchen!
Eye Color: green/blue
Nail Color: chipping black and blue
Height: 5'3
Zodiac Sign: AQUARIUS, bitches!

SERiES TW0 - DESCRiBE
Your heritage: half german, half Irish (Note that I’m from the DRUNK sides of the globe)
The shoes you wore today: Had no shoes! Didn’t leave the house! Mwahaha!
Your hair: short hair in front, rest pulled back into a braid
Your weakness: o.o;; umm…
Your fears: Claustraphobia, fear of being forgotten, and my mother ^_^;
Your perfect pizza: None
One thing you'd like to achieve: >.>; The fuck I’m telling you!


SERiES TWEE - WHAT IS..
Your most overused phrase on aim: I’m bored
Your thoughts first waking up: ugh...oh hell no...
Your current worry: That I’m going to collapse
Your plans tomorrow: Hahahah! Sleep! Work on kimono, eat, get online until the wee hours of the morning..sleep..
Your best physical feature: o.o Do I have one?
Your greatest accomplishment: o.o; Again, do I have one?

SERiES F0UR - Y0U PREFER
Sunrise or sunset: Sunrise, then I know to go to bed
Gore or horror: Horror
Eastsiiiide or wessssside: Eastside? What the fuck
Stripes or poki dots: bleh.. stripes..
Money or fame: Umm… You’re famous if you have money.. so Money!
Planes or trains: planes
Metal or hardcore: Are we talking porn or music?
Boxers or briefs: boxers
Your life is: going by too fast
Pools or hot tubs: pool

SERiES FiVE - D0 Y0U
Cuss: Hell yeah, beyah
Do you think you've been in love: Yes ^_^~
Want to get married: Yeah, I want sex!
Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: yep.
Like to take baths: yesh
Get motion sickness: Nah
Like talking on the phone: yeah
Like thunderstorms: YES!!
Play an instrument: Viola, and Marc :-p
Workout: -cough- Sure… >.>
Like reading: Of course ^_^

SERiES SiX - FAV0RiTES
Kind of fruit: Mangos!!!!
Music to fall asleep to: Mm… Black Balloon by Goo-Goo Dolls
Time of the day: 3 in the morning
Feature in the opposite sex: Vague intelligence is a plus
Car or Motorcyle : SUZUKI!!!!!!!!!!!!
Number: 14
Thing to do right before bed: Brush my teeth – Take out contacts (when I remember ^^;)
Thing to say when you're mad: I’ll take my leave now
Era: Damnit… Imperial War in Japan damnit!
Horror movie: The Ring?.
Colors: metallic silver

SERiES SEVEN - FUTURE
Age you hope to be married: ???
Numbers & Names of Children: Mm.. Don’t care by.. 2 girls, Adrianna Jacqueline = A.J and Sodako
Describe your Dream Wedding: -pouts- What’s with the hard questions?
How do you want to die: Having the time of my life :-d
Where you want to go to college: Oxford University
What do you want to be when you grow up: Mm.. Help people.
What country would you most like to visit: Ireland again!!!

FULL NAME: Susan Victoria Lunn
AGE: jailbait!
BIRTHDAY: February 14th
PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY: mom, dad, Anna, Sarah, grandfather (who is THE shiznit), great uncle.. and aunts.. and stuff…
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH THEM: Everyone but the mother
SCHOOL: sudbrook
PRIVATE/PUBLIC/WHATEVER: magnet
GRADE: to be 8th

BEST GIRL FRIENDS: (Damnit, I hate playing favorites) umm… Liz, Lara, Shawn.… o.o; Siro..Faye..?
BEST GUY FRIENDS: Kyle and Cowin, bitches, um… Marc, Kevin, Robert..Jeff..Blayne-sama
WHY ARE YOU SUCH GOOD FRIENDS, AND HOW DID YOU GET TO BE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS: Cuz they rock my world
COULD YOU TELL THEM ANYTHING: mm…depends
WHY/NOT: because I’m like that?
DO YOU TRUST THEM: hahahahhahahaha

OUT OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS, WHO IS THE:
SHORTEST: kevin
TALLEST: Jeff (THE GUYS FUCKING HUGE!)
FUNNYEST: Meg, Kyle (the man’s the fucking king of amusement)
SWEETEST: Lara, Corwin
TRUSTED: Jeff or Torrey
TRUSTING: Siro
ADVISER: Torrey :-p or Tony…>.>;
ADVISEE: Lara?
MOST PERFECT: --.--
MOST INSECURE: Hah.. Liz!!!!!!!!!!!
SMARTEST: If they were smart, would they be my friends?
DUMBEST/BLONDEST: That’s mean…
HORNYEST: Meg and meh
HONEST: Lara…and Corwin, damnit

OUT OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS, WHO HAS THE:
COOLEST CAR: TORREY!
BEST HOUSE: Mm.. Liz :-d You can do ANYTHING there (and the fridge is always packed)
SHORTEST TEMPER: Siro
MOST TALENT: Mm….Pawel
FUNNYEST TRACK RECORD: o.o; What the hell?
WEIRDEST TASTE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX: LLAARRAA!
ODDEST SENSE OF HUMOR: DIEGO!
DIRTYEST MIND: Mmm...Kyle.. the guys a fucking hornet
MOST UNUSUAL IDEAS: Jason

LOVE LIFE:

CRUSH/BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: Boyfriend – Torrey ^^
IS THERE A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF THEM: Mmm….yeah…>.>; Paper Bag by Fiona Apple I guess…
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR EX BF/GF: Yes, we get along fine now that he's dead.

FAVOURITE:
SONG: Iris by Goo-Goo Dolls, Meet Virginia by Train and I’m A Bitch by Meredith Brooks
TEDDY BEAR: Dun have one
ACTOR: Orlando Jones or Hugh Grant (Sexy and funny as shit)
ACTRESS: Goldie Hawn, Julia Roberts, and Sandra Bullock
FOOD: raspberries
NON-ALCHOHOLIC BEVERAGE: smoothie
ALCHOHOLIC BEVERAGE: Strawberry Daquiri’s
MOVIE: First Wives Club
TV SHOW: I hate most shows
TEACHER: Ms. Bondroff
SUBJECT: English
DAY OF THE WEEK: Saturdays or fridays

HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: Depends on wether I like what’s in the glass :-d
PRINGLES OR BAG OF CHIPS: chips
SAME OR OPPOSITE SEX FRIENDS: usually same but a lot of opposite
LOVE OR LIKE: love
SICK OR DEPRESSED: depressed...

WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT A PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: eye color
DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? Mm.. I guess
MAJOR TURN-OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: Masogynism, stupidity

Getting to know you


1.Full Name: See Above, Asshole
2.Age: Not legal ^^;
3.City: Gwywn Oak
4.Height: 5'3
5.Weight: o.O the HELL I’m telling you
6.Hair color: red mostly..
7.Parents names: Louise (>.<) and George (^_^)
8. Siblings Age and Names: Anna Elizabeth Lunn, 19 , Sarah Louise Lunn, 15 or 16 ^^;;;;
9.Pets: Kat’s (Huckleberry Finn and Tow Sawyer ^_^) and dog, TQ
10.Eye color: blue/green
11. Do you wear contacts or glasses: both
12.Fave Color: all of them
13.Long or short hair: long
14.Straight or Curly Hair: straight
15.Skin color: white

Faves
16. Music Group: O.O I have no idea…
17. Boy Band: Franz Ferdinard, Metallica, Goo-Goo Dolls, 3 Doors Down…Tons more..
18. Female artist: Mmm….singular.. uhh…Alanis Morisette?
19.male artist: uh…o.o;…Ben Folds?
20. Female Group: Too many to name
21.Actor: George Clooney and Hugh Grant (funneh people)
22.Actress: Sandra Bullock and Goldie Hawn
23.Tv show: Hate most of ‘em
24.Soap opera: hate ALL of them
25.Talk show: hate most of them
26. Channel: History Channel >.>;
27.Radio station: 99.1 HFS
28.Movie: First Wives Club
29.Songs: lots of ‘em
30.Food: You asked this already
31.Drink: Dunno
32.Hair color: Red and stuff
33.Eye color: Asked this too!


Dislikes
34. Worst color: puke green
35. Worst Music group: good charlotte
36. Worst Boy band: STD
37.Worst female artist: Hilary fucking Duff (Ms. Fluff)
38. Worst male artist: -gags- I dunno, most are bad
39.Worst female group: mm…Kelly Clarkson –gags- or ‘J.Lo’
40.worst Actor: Seann William Scott
41.Worst Actress: I dunno, most are horrible


And Blayne-sama is awesome! www.nutang.com/members.php?user=Mystikality He apologized very sweetly ^^;


Myeh.. I got babysitting tomorrow and other crap, so I'm going to be weak and sleepie!!


Lemme a Comment!!!

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