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ENTER A WITTY COMMENT HERE
Regret Your Existance
Pentecost
listening to: 'Heaven' by Live
mood: Down

Yep.. the subjects pretty accurate. I hate myself and I'm ashamed. I screwed up majorly and now I'm losing the man I love, because I was a stupid whore.

Meh and Marc and Liz went to a movie and there were only two seats. So I sat on Marc and he was kissing my neck and stuff. Then he slipped his hand down my pants and fingered me. I knew what I was doing, I knew I shouldn't do it, and I regret it as I let him do it. It didn't even feel good! WHY did I do that... I don't know. I like Marc, I guess, he's nice. But I LOVE TORREY! I hate myself so much for doing it...

I cut 'whore' into my wrist. Not deeply, really lightly. Just.. as a reminded of how sickening I am. And how disgusting. I have begged forgiveness from God and I took communion... so hopefully, my sins are washed away. But.. I can't face Torrey. I'm not his equal any more. And I don't think he'll forgive me. I mean, if I can't forgive myself, he probably won't...

SilmarwenOfMrkwd: You made a mistake, so what?

Yeah, it was a mistake, but it was stupid, sluttish and sinful and that's against EVERYTHING I hold valuable!

I make myself sick.

Anyway... if ya'll wanna talk... (443) 520-4916 is my cell... call me there, I'm gonna go watch a movie, and I ain't picking up the phone...

Much love...



I’m sorry if this bothers you
I’m sorry if you hate it
I can’t be perfect, not even for you
The icon of perfection doesn’t fit

So my apologies if this suicide is troublesome
I’ll try not to dirty the floor
It’s only you that the pains coming from
And if this doesn’t work, I’ll try it once more

Tonight I’ll break my custom of self-mutilation
The Dead don’t need a new way of saying
“Can I lose the aggravation, give into temptation?”
I’ve found a new way of confession, a new way of praying

So my apologies if I die, I’m so much of a bother
I’m sorry if you can’t get out the stains of my suicide
Get the room cleaned and blessed by the Father
I wasn’t okay, I’m sorry that I lied

One cut, for a time of happiness
Second cut, for being obsessed
Third cuts for you, never being around
Fourth cuts a treat, for playing the clown

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Re-Invent YourSelf
Sat!
watching: The chatroom
listening to: Coldplay (Radio)
mood: Perky And Kinky! ^^

Bleck. Just got back from going to Elaines little bro's b-day parteh to hang with her. Rachel H. was there. She's pretty cool, not what I thought she was like. -yawns- I'm bored. I think me, Marc, Rachel and mayb' other people will go to the mall around 7 ish. That'd be funny. Large groups of kids running around the mall, with this lunatic as their leader! Mwahaha! -coughs-

....it was a nice fantasy. I might go, or me and Marc may just go to movies and make stupid comments in the back row! Yay! That sounds like fun. I think I may just do that.. if I can get a ride there... o.o; I kinda creeped out my mother to day so I think it'd a no from her...

'Sides, she thinks Marc is a harlot. ^^ Isn't that peachy?


.......WHERE'S TORREY?!??!?!

I need my babeh! -sniffles- And Tony's ignoring me, and Rachel and Marc are beating each other up, Jeff's away, Jed's not on, Locke's not on, Greg hates me ( WAHHHHH!) , Ezra's being bitchy , The radio is being crappy and my mother is getting drunk again.

-whines- Nuu! Not cool! And Liz ain't on either. >.>

<.<

>.>
v.v I'm bored! I want Torrey NOW!!!!!!!! -whines pathetically-

Anyway, some random funny shit.

DemonGurlB: asl?
RequiemForJokers: No.
DemonGurlB: ok ill find out
DemonGurlB: are u a girl or boy
RequiemForJokers: 80 yr old man

Whoo hoo! YAY for annoying random little fuckers! Also, Rachel has decided that the Victoria Secret Catalogue is porn for the poor man. -nods sagely-

Ohhh! A Guidance Counselor story~

Apparently there's a 'gentlemens club' that hires college interns and, if you keep at least a 3.5, they pay your tuition. w00t!

^^!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love that woman! She's sooo funny! And really realistic! She gave up on telling me not to cut anymore. -shruggles- Just tells me that I shouldn't and makes me come to a once-a-week ranting session where we just kinda sit around and talk about the List . Basically shit parents won't talk about. It's really a lot of fun, and she's cooler then the therapist -rolls eyes- Speaking of therapists.

Therapist - Have you had sex?
Meh - No
T - Are you pregant?
Meh - No...
T - Are you sexually frustrated?
Meh - No!
T - Are you in love/have a boyfriend?
Meh - Yes..
T - Do you feel sudden bursts of hormones?
Meh - No..
T - Do you shave your areas for other people
Meh - That's private.
T - So are the areas! Haha!
Meh - --.-- -bites- Fuck you -leaves

I really wanted to hit him! Which comes first, pregnancy or sex?!?!? 'Sides, do you REALLY think I'd tell him if I had sex? Stupid fucker. I was there for being depressed and to get my meds refilled, not to talk about sex!!

........I WANT TORREY!!.........

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BasketBALLS!
Thursday
watching: My friends being jack-offs
listening to: My keys tapping
mood: Kinky?

Hey people. -bounces randomly- I'm bored, and I'm sitting in French class with Shawn (who insists I write 'who got hit in the face with a basketball in gym class, and it hit my teeth and my forehead and it hurt like shit and I'm-' Im not writing the rest), Marcia (who is boring) and Robert (who is obsessed with halo. Shawn says he is an idiot. I think he's... misled.) Anyway, people were randomly poking my fo-hawk.AHH! Robert poked for fo-hawk!! It like... is springy. Cuz I got like YuGiOh amounts of hairgel in it. W00t! Well... we're supposed to be playing this stupid Jeopardy thing, to study for our finals. Seems kinda stupid, personally, cuz we took half the test YESTERDAY! --.-- The finals are shitass easy anyhoo. But it's ok. ^-^ Cuz I'm bored. I wanna talk ta Torrey!

My friends were talking about American Idol, but now they're talking about Meghan.

Robert- Is it true Meghan made out with another girl, Jordan? Not Jordan King, another girl...
Shawn- Probably. From what we've heard.
Meh- O.O
Shawn- Well, she didn't tell me anything, but I could see her doing it. She doesn't tell us stuff, we have to hear it. Where did you hear it?
Robert- Through the grapevine
Marcia-
Robert- I have my sources
Shawn- Who?
Robert- I have my sources
Shawn- Who?!
Robert- I have my sources!
Shawn- Ugh!

Anyway.. yea... o.o; My school and the people in it. Crazy mutha fuckahs and ya know what? I COULD see Meghan a girl. But WHATEVER! She doesn't tell me shit, gets me in trouble, acts like a bitch half the time and then gets mad when I tell her the truth about how she's a slut? What the fuck. (Shawns nodding to this)

-sighs- I need Torrey
(Shawn says she needs Ron )

-pouts- I hate this class. It's an extended period cuz all the kids in the higher Math are taking this stupid test. Uuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I am HUNGRY!

Shawns singing something by Coldplay. And Roberts coughing up a tit. --.--

Anyshiz, I gotta help the teacher move books.

Shawn saws Buh-bye!!

Joker Love and Rocky Horror Love! I'm MAGENTA!

LEMME A COMMENT! PLEASE! IF YOU LOVE ME/THINK IM SEXY/ WANT TOO/ WANT ME/ JUST DO IT OR JOIN MY LEGION OF THE UNDEAD!!!

^.^;


Added at 9:25 P.M-

Ohh! Coolio way to die!!

Step One- Take a bunch of piano wires.
Step Two- Cut to different lenghts
Step Three- Tie it to different parts of the anatomy
Step Four- Tie the other ends to a sturdy bridge
Step Five- Jump

That leaves little, random bits of your anatomy hanging from a bridge! w00t!

Do it to your friends, call it art!

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heh.. hehe...heheheh
W day
Cuz I'm broken
And I'm lonesome
And I dont feel right
When you're gone away

Cuz I'm broken
And I'm lonesome
And I dont feel right
When you're gone ...

Gone away...

Don't feel feel me here...

Anymore...


Faye died.. They called me down to the office during 1st period and handed me a small note. Merely said "Faye E. died at 8:44 A.M"....I'm glad they at least told me..

Also, big news today.. I got a fo-hawk.. It's like, I have my normal long hair and the top bit is cut shorter. Then it's spiked up into a fake Mo-hawk. It's coo. (Yes I meant to not have an 'l' on that)

I get to fucking force my way through the days now. I loved her. Like a sister, not the way I love my boyfriend. And she left me alone to deal with this fuck-hole. I hate this.. And my boyfriend isn't on... as usual.. Doesn't seem to have time anymore. -sighs- No time for anything or anyone. -shrugs softly- Oh well... I suppose I'll survive.. I just.. need to talk to someone like Tony, or Jason, or Blayne. Uuhhh! Lara is fucking pissing me off. She think's it's okay, I'll get over it. Yea, I will, one day get over it. But not NOW. How fucking insensitive do you GET?

-screams into a pillow-

I'll wait for you there
Like a stone
I'll wait for you there....
Alone...


Burningskull291: wen did it happen
ind3c3nt3xposure: 8:44
ind3c3nt3xposure: This morning
Burningskull291: r u still morning her daeth


Fucking dumbasses. I hate Marc. I know I don't. But some idiots are just.. insufferable.

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As Seen In Porn.
o.o No idea
Whee! Theif of Time, by Terry Pratchett!!! Argh, all must read Terry Pratchett and listen to Franz Ferdinard and dress like a pirate!

...okay, I'll stop being a Republican. Whee, read my convo with the dumbass *Scotti Cums Lotti*

OshizzdaPo Poe: i dont think she relay likes me that much any more
ind3c3nt3xposure: Your spelling hinders my understanding
OshizzdaPo Poe: haha im sorry........im not a good speller
OshizzdaPo Poe: im god?
OshizzdaPo Poe: good*
ind3c3nt3xposure: LMAO!!!
OshizzdaPo Poe: how so?
ind3c3nt3xposure: Wow, you're not what I imagined as God
ind3c3nt3xposure: but neither is Alanis Morisette (See, Dogma!)
OshizzdaPo Poe: i saw dogma
OshizzdaPo Poe: good movie
ind3c3nt3xposure: YES!
ind3c3nt3xposure: Do you know how much our convo has changed its theme?
ind3c3nt3xposure: I feel like Bushs election commericals
OshizzdaPo Poe: lol


I hate dumbasses, but he's Meghans bitch so I tolerate him. Besides, he can't really talk much, he's got lots in his mouth that hinders speech. >.>; Sorry, I'm on spew mood. Sitting in the hospi. with docs. telling me to shut up or the stitches'll be fucked, ticks me off. So do sluts, and dumb asses and Neopolitan ice cream.

Neopolitan ice cream (for the dumbasses (my friends) who read my lovely work of shitness (Blog!) ) - The three flavored (chocolate, vanilla, strawberry) ice cream.

Vanilla is the finest of the flavors! Chocolate is shit! Strawberry is good but not as ice cream. (I kept writing scream instead of cream. Guess what's on MY mind? -flicks whip- ).

~stream of conciousness~ Radio, 3 days grace, awake, sleep, caffeine-induced hallucenations, fun times, goku alarm clock, five pieces, hungry, food, brushed teeth, bathroom, toilets, saying toilet in four different languages, dorkdom, Tony ( :-P ), Lara, kinky sex in the bathroom rather then class, Liesners class, conformity, editting.

This whole stream can be summed up to : Radio Editting. ^.^~

I hate editting. The reason I thought of Ms. Liesners class (THERE ARE REASONS YOU'RE NOT MARRIED, YOU WHORE!) and conformity is we were learning about planets. Thus leading to Colins corny-ass-but-funny-and-original jokes about Uranus. (He has a fetish with asses) So I made a soft, completely-unneeded-but-without-it-class-would-have-sucked about her ass jiggling like a planet when she walked. Pity she heard, but I didn't think so. So I made another comment to Morgan (it was good, but I can't remember it. I fell down the fucking steps, don't expect me to be God or something) and had a citation crumbled up and thrown at my head. It was funny cuz it bounced off. It wasn't funny when my mom saw the citation. Wheee, thus I am locked in the attic with lots of pocky and nothing to really do.

There's not more pocky and I feel sick. >.> That might also be cuz I climbed out the attic window, onto the roof by my parents bedroom and sat there in the rain, getting completely soaked.

Yeeaaaa, I'm stupid. But I'm PROUD of my stupidity, so it's all good!

Whaaaaaaaaa! Nirvanas on!

Hate me
Go ahead and do it again
Waste me
Rape me, my friend
Im not the only one
Im not the only one
Im the only one
My favorite is that source
I keep an open source
I appreciate your concern
Im gonna stay here and burn
Rape me
Rape me, my friend
Rape me
Rape me, again

Im not the only one
I am the only one
I am the only one
I am the only one

Rape me!
Rape me!
Rape me!
Rape me!
Rape me!
Rape me!
Rape me!
Rape me!
Rape me....



....anyway.

I might like you better if we slept together <-- Quote from? The radio currently playing absolute shit. But I like that quote!! Whoo!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU HAVE TOTALLY RUINED MY GOOD MOOD MARC! I'M NOT DATING MARC! WOULD YOU DROP DEAD ALREADY!?!?!? IM NOT ASKING MUCH, I'LL KILL YOU IF IT'S THAT FUCKING HARD! BTW, GET HOOKED ON PHONICS, FUCKER!

Well, that's the dumbass/ bane-of-my-existance part of my people. This is another, very strange, small population associated with my age range.

DeadWandererSoul: My one flaw is that I would rather crush and rebuild than repair. I think that's why I like the symbol of Zeon so much. Char wanted to wipe out all of humanity on Earth so that what's left could evolve into something more beautiful. Then he'd rebuild.

I pity myself too. ^_^ But I love Tony. He's creepy. Like Jeff. Only... Jeff's kinkier. ^^ And then there's Locke... Locke, going to Oxford next year, still considers it amusing to drive around ass-naked, while giving me a ride home from school. Damn I love the crackheads in my life. ^^ I mean that in the most loving way possible.


AHHHH! Jed's on! Whaaa! Oh man, Jed's kinky too! Yay! He supports me in my I-want-to-buy-a-corset-for-no-reason mode! YAY!

Current Tally Of People Supporting This Mood- 8
Current Tally Of People Thinking I'm Crazy- 10 and escalating.


>.< Fuckers!

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Heaven Is Ten Feet Beyond Where You Can Go
Heavens Road Is Lined With Barbed Wire
There was once a man who went up to a rabbi and said "Hello Rabbi. What is the difference
between Heaven and Hell?" So the rabbi took him to a room, with a large table. Around
the table were emaciated, depression, poor, hard-up people, and in the middle of the table
was a pot of soup. The people each had spoons long enough to get into the pot, but too long
to get the soup to their mouths. "This is hell." said the Rabbi. Then he lead the man into
the next room, where there were also people sitting around a table, with long spoons long enough
to reach the soup, but not bring it back. These people were happy, healthy and laughing.
"This is Heaven." said the rabbi. The man, puzzled, asked "Why are they healthy and happy
and the others depression and emaciated?" The rabbi said. "Because they have learned of
friendship. It's too long to reach their mouths, but not others. They have formed a
community."

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