watching: Ed type ^_^
listening to: Blink 182 - Hello
mood: Jjjuuussttt Peachy

Friday was spiffeh! I went to the J dance with Liz-chan (who is now named Michael, or Ozzy) and meet Anthony, Vera, and Cindy. 'Twas a lot of crazy ass fun. Not a bunch of people were there, but it was still a shitload of fun.

THat night, Anthony called me at like.. 12 and we chatted 'til 2 in the morning. ^^; I knew the guy less then 5 hours and he asked me out. I gots nothin' better to do, so I said sure. He's nice, a bit crazy, but nice, so why not? Made his day. Then.. Went to bed, and when I woke up, meh and Michael (Liz) chilled for a while, 'fore going to Lenny's for breakfast/lunch, since it was like.. 11 or 12?? Anyway! Then we went and got Michael (Liz) her allergy shots then came back to the house. I helped clean and we had fun. ^_^ We cleaned and were crazy. It was cool ^.^! Anyway... Then we started calling around and then went to the mall with Elaine Cabraro and Sarah Walker. It was cool! Liz earned the title Michael after Michael Jackson went she was grabbing at her brother (trying to pinch him) and I swear she grabbed his balls. It was such a freaky ride! :-d Anyway, then we saw Xander (Michaels bro) at the mall and avoided him like the plague. We went to Gadzooks, which has COMPLETELY changed, and Hot Topic, where Sarah and I bought a black tanktop with red lacing all across the front like a corset, black tights that laced up the top, and a black shirt with a pirate skull and saftey pins instead of crossbones in neon green. We're basicly the same size, so we decided to share clothing, since we like the same crap..

Umm... >.< Then I came home and got locked out!! Curses! It sucked. I had to keep ringing the door bell and pissing everyone in the house off. ^_^ That was fun. Then today, I woke up at like.. 5, all sniffly and stuff ( :-( ), passed out once more, woke up at 7, took a bath then slept 'til 1.. AND STILL FELT LIKE CRACKER JACKS!! >_< Curse it! Then I got up and worked 'til 5, practicing my viola and reading the 'Biography of Miss Jane Pittman'. I mean, a four year old could read it, it's so damn easy!! And it's horrificly depressing.. >.>; Then Elaine, Michael, Michelle, Edun and I all went ice-skating and were crazy fuckers and pissed everyone off... ^_^ As usual. My worthless boyfriend had to work! >_< Curse him! Oh well.. ^^;

That was my day.. and now I'm talking to Ed.. :-( Who is sad!! And Pawel... he's just a goat, no one cares :-P... and I'm gonna call Gary.. though I dunno why he wants me too. >_

BTW, Michael decided to make a party of all my ex boyfriends! -giggles-

Marc (though I never dated him, and can't stand him now)
Greg
Gary
Jonathan
Ezra
Erik
Tony (dude.. >_< )
Jacob
Mark



Yeah.. could populate a party ^_^.. Dude.. -shudders- Set them all on each other and be like "Who ever wins, gets a cookie!!"


Cookies! Anyway, off to call Gary.. and raspberries and chocolate.

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Curse my stupid hands! I can help no one! -sighs- My friends have been hurting and I've been too wrapped up in myself! It took a brutal slap in the face reality check by Siro to make me notice! -sighs- Curse my hands.. I can't help people escape their miserable Fates, I can not hold out a hand and wipe away their tears, I can not make them smile nor laugh, I can do nothing! I am so... Weak!!!

ind3c3nt3xposure: Bright colors scare me >_M
ind3c3nt3xposure: Eep!!!
ind3c3nt3xposure: ^ >_<
Garydwnlds: Lately, Everything around me's been dark
Garydwnlds: The only bright and cheery thing in my room is the inuyasha wallscroll i picked up on saturday
ind3c3nt3xposure: -smiles- I'm glad something is cheery ^_^
Garydwnlds: Even the hellsing wallscroll dosn't seem cheery
Garydwnlds: Just downright insane and psychotic
Garydwnlds: life's hard, ne?
Garydwnlds: Never thought it could be this hard though... my hair even matches my damned mood...
Garydwnlds: I should have stayed away from even entertaining the thought of entering a relationship...
ind3c3nt3xposure: -slaps him-
ind3c3nt3xposure: Would you STOP feeling sorry for yourself! Geez, damnit
ind3c3nt3xposure: You have life! And that's better then many people! You have freedom and peace!
ind3c3nt3xposure: And if you keep acting like this, I can name two people who deserve life more then you do!
Garydwnlds: Freedom? Peace?
Garydwnlds: Laughable concepts
ind3c3nt3xposure: Well, then I'm laughable!
ind3c3nt3xposure: because I believe in them!
Garydwnlds: I don't mean the concepts themselves
Garydwnlds: I mean the concepts when applied to me
ind3c3nt3xposure: You ARE feeling sorry for yourself!
ind3c3nt3xposure: That's pathetic
Garydwnlds: I've become so noticeable of my constraints, lost all sense of self peace, or peace of any kind
ind3c3nt3xposure: And damnit, you are down right pathetic right now!
Garydwnlds: It's gone to the point where I thrive on violent things...
ind3c3nt3xposure: You are an amazing work of science! You managed to stand upright without a backbone!
Garydwnlds: Thank you
Garydwnlds: I've been trampled over my whole life, so, this is nothing new
ind3c3nt3xposure: Well, if you want it to stop, why don't you fucking stand up for yourself?!
Garydwnlds: I did at one point
Garydwnlds: And I met you
Garydwnlds: Now look what's happened
ind3c3nt3xposure: Yep
ind3c3nt3xposure: You turned out just like me
ind3c3nt3xposure: and it's nauseating!
Garydwnlds: No...
Garydwnlds: A funny thing is, I don't feel sorry for myself anymore
Garydwnlds: I look back on myself objectivly without emotion
ind3c3nt3xposure: Talk to me when you have grown up

Now I'm even taking out my uselessness on my friends! It's so FRUSTRATING! I wish I could just die some times! It's not fair! I am human, I am on Earth to help people! All I can do is wrap myself in my own stupidity, shield my eyes from things I don't want to see, and weep when I am hurt lightly! I do not deserve this life! What is wrong with the world that I might live and people who deserve it can not live because of stupid sickness, death and depression! I am so worthless! I try to help, but it's never enough!

I can not stop Death, I let Faye die.

I can not end depression, I hung up on Amanda.

I can not wipe away those precious tears, I let Kyle down.

SO WHY AM I HERE!? Is there a purpose to my existance!? WHY DO THE GOOD DIE YOUNGEST?!?! Why can't I just DIE and rid this world of my ignorant, selfish waste of air! Why am I so WEAK!?!?!?! Why can I do nothing.. Why can't I help anyone.. Why do I let them all down.. I make myself sick..

Why didn't you all do the damn world a favor and drown me at my baptism! That'd probably the most Christian thing done in a LONG time!


Nauseating...

AngelOfHell0: Baby, baby, baby, you're only human, it's okay... Shh, calm down. Humans are weak by nature, that is just how we are.. You can not help it, it's not your fault. You just keep living and try and do what you can


If humans are weak, I will give up my humanity gladly!!! I want to help people! AND ALL I'VE DONE SO FAR IS PISS THEM OFF! Why.. I am so pathetic... Curse my useless hands...Curse my hands for shaking when I held that gun.


Curse my hands for I am WEAK!

I truly adore one guy.. -sighs- but he lives too far away and he notices not my existance.. why would Michael want a weak girl anyway?


So disgusting.. I wish I could have a new life..

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watching: Nothing At All ^_^
listening to: Silence.. It's Beautiful
mood: Chilled Out.. Kinda Bored


Yo! Well, I know, I know, I haven’t written in a while! But I just finished Otakon, gimme a break! Here’s a good run down of stuff that’s happened!

Friday ~ I was Victoria Seras from Hellsing! I did her black casual outfit and I had her Harconen. Meh and Gary met up, and then we went to find Danielle. She was in the line for L’Arc En Ciel concert sticker things, so we stood and talked with her. I got one, even though I didn’t end up using it >.
Then.. we were walking by the room to the Dealer room and Onii-chan called out to us. So we hung out with him and waited in line, until the room opened. We went in and hung out for a bit then came out and went to get lunch with Danielle and people. I meet up with Lara-chan and her mother, and then meh, Lara and Gary went to watch AMVs… stuff… happened, then we went out to the hall and saw Onii-chan again. He asked if we wanted to watch the Lupin III movie, so I was like “Sure”. Then meh and Gary got seperated and I thought he stood me up… that night I cut.. and then we realized it was all a misunderstanding. –sighs lightly- And Sarah made me leave at 9, cuz she had a nosebleed and was dizzy (when you don’t eat all day, what do you expect!) instead of when she’d promised, at 1:30!! Grr ><


Saturday ~ I was Yukina Jaganshi from Yu Yu Hakusho! I did her normal light blue kimono and I had her evil hair piece. My blue hair kept being disfunctional, and when people wanted a pic (which was a lot! ><), I had to fix it, then pose. Myeh.. Not really anything interesting ‘til near the end.. I meet up with Tori near the end, then I watched the first promo/episode of Full Metal Alchemist.. It was supposed to be 1-4, but they lost the others, so we watched 2 episodes of Spiral and flicked around a balloon. ^_^! I’m not kidding. It was fun! ^_^. Then.. >.>;… Oh! Before that was the Yu Yu Hakusho photo shoot by the fountains! There were.. 2 high school Yusukes, a demon Yusuke, a Dark Tournament Yusuke, 3 Hiei’s, 2 Jins, 2 Kyotos, 1 fish-girl-annoucer-person, 1 crappy Kuwabara, 1 Koenma, 1 Genkai, 2 Yoko Kuramas, 2 Tournament Kuramas (including Dylan ^^) and 1 Shuuichi ^_^. I think that’s it ^^; Cuz I can’t really remember. 1 Botan I think... Anyway! Then I met Julia, part of the Hug-Squad and hung out with her, Marc (Onii-chan 2!), Amm and Jessica! ^_^ It was soo much fun! We had signs and people hugged us and what not! Then Amm, Jessica, Gary, Julia and the others dispersed and I hung out with Onii-chan 2! His sign = “Bad fanboy looking for good fangirl” and my was = “Blowjobs acceptible (men only)” ^^.. We were tired, so sue us ^_^;

Sunday ~ Well.. I was the evil fangirl. I basicly wore my normal make up, a pleated skirt, knee-high boots and a tank top with the sleeves pulled down some to show red straps… -yawns- It was fun. I meet up with Onii-chan 1, Mauno and Mauno’s nephew. We went to the dealers room, Artist Alley (where Mauno bought SMUT!!!) and the Video Room, where they played games and what not. Myeh.. Bought some Manga, a YYH pin with YOUME! On it, and a HXH Hisoka keychain. It’s spiffeh!!

Well! That was my week-end… And most recently? Got in a fight with Onii-chan 1 cuz he’s an insensitive bastard who thinks I cut and shit for attention. So fucking pissed off at him… And I have come up with a wonderful plan. But I can’t tell anyone.. ^_^ Heh!

Oh.. And I broke up with Gary.. :-/ Yeah.. shit happens.. and it sucks like a bitch.. Anyway, I gotta finish my drawing and people are getting pissed that I’m not answering them… soo…. Bye bye for now!! ^_^

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned
Heard evil calling and let him in
Bless me please, in my hour of need
And save me from my human greed

Wash away my sins with blood
Keep it rushing, like the flood
Heads so dizzy, falling back
Hit the floor, sight goes black

So find me Father, for I am lost
Felt the lust, and now I’ll pay the cost
Carry me please, in my hour of need
And help me leave the life I lead

So as I fall, I close my eyes
That smile is painful from the Skies
So if I see flames versus a gentle breeze
I’d rather burn away then completely freeze

So love me Father, for I repent
Take my body, for I am spent
Save me please, in my hour of need
And please allow my soul to be freed

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I just finished my Yukina kimono's obi! Now it's all done and it looks really realistic! I love it to iddy biddy pieces! -giggles- It's so spiffy.. And my wig is nicely done. Plus, I decided that my shirt I made for Ceras was uncomfortable, so I noticed her other outfit (Casual 2- Black hat, black short sleeve shirt, black vest, and beige pants) and I thought "Hey... I have all the shit to that- crumbs... >.
But it's all good, cuz now I'm wearing that one and it looks my nicer on meh :-p. Plus I have my Harconen! w00t for big ass guns. w00t for big ass guns that are mine. W00t W00t for big ass guns that are mine in the hands of the aforementioned homocidal teenager. Poo that it doesn't actually work. ><

Oh well... TOMORROW IS OTAKON! Hhhhheeeelllllllllllllllllll yeah bitches! Let's see, who am I meeting up with there-


Onii-chan (Dylan)
Danielle!
Melissa
Tori
Tori's friend
Dylan
Dylans friend
Robert
Lara
Lara's mum
Ashley
Lauren
Julie
Gary
Ashleys friend (dunno her name but I think she's my Botan u.u; )


Hoorah for Otakus!

I gotta bring a TON of filmness >.< Gonna take pictures of all da cool costumes and meh friends and stuff... whee.. I can't wait.. -collapses- But I'm tired.. I kinda wanna do some stuff before I go to bed, but from the looks of the people I want stuff from.. I dun think it'll be happening. Oh well I suppose ^^; Being Selfish anyway, so it matters not...>.>;


Myyyyeeeehhhh... I need caffeine... shiznit. Anyway, gonna go get a drink.. ttyl


~*~Taken~*~

We make a little wish
As we gaze upon the moon
Seal it with a special kiss
And hope it happens soon!

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Weeelllll.... had a date today, with Gary-kun.. so.. yeah.. It was awesome ^^; If you want details, IM meh and I'll tell ya, but I dun feel like writing it all out here.. so... SUFFER! Mwaha..hahaha...haha..ha.. Anyway!

I have discovered a new brand of morons. Is it just me, or do people seem to think that JUST cuz someone is met/only-talked-to on the Internet, it makes them a less valid friend? Because I read your annoying blogs and you never mention anything of anyone online. You talk about anything else, but if something big happens, you don't add it in, like it didn't REALLY happen. Are we not that important? We're just people blocked by the walls of our cold glass cages. -shrugs softly- Could just be me, but I have awesome friends online, and personally, they're not less valid. So BITE ME, bitches.

Anyway... having an arguement with Tony.. Today must be arguement day.. Only Tony's is slightly more civilized then the one I had with my mother. After we dropped Liz home, my mother started berating me because she'd heard I'd kissed Gary (whoopie doo). Then she went into how I am a failure. Read excerpt.

Meh- So what? To you, it's a mistake
Mother- EVERYTHING you do is a mistake! Breathing in is a mistake!
Meh- Thank you, I pride myself on that everyday.
Mother- Why won't you die already? You are such a freak of nature! Just accept what is right and wrong.
Meh- I have a right and wrong, and it's not my fault they don't always fit yours.
Mother- Then you're wrong! You must follow the Bible for everything.
Meh- God gave us free choice, not so we'd become dull, boring slaves to a book of Guidance! It's there to Guide, not dominate!
Mother- You don't know what you're talking about!
Meh- And you do?
Mother- Your father is wrong. You weren't a gift from God. You're a punishment from Satan. You sick, Satanic freak!
Meh- I love you too mother dearest.
Mother- You make me sick.
Meh- Glad I influence you so boldly.


Another fruitless, boring screaming match with my mother. I would say that I win, except she gets her part out of it- She hurts me. So I guess neither one of us ever wins and we will keep doing this forever. Fabulous, isn't it. Very pointless, exceedingly dull and yet, we keep doing it. Like sex as you get older.


I just compaired something me and my mother do.. to sex... -shudders-


Nauseating.




I count the stars, as I lie awake
The number of stars; to memory I take
Take that number, divide by 2
Add one more and that one's you!

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watching: People type
listening to: Radio
mood: Upbeat.. I WANNA PARTY!

-dances- I'm so bored! And Hyper damnit! Jetlag has freaked me up pretty bad... And NO ONE IS ON! Fuckers! Damnit... Oh well.. It's hot here in the US.. It was fucking freezing in the UK. And rainy. Definately my type of weather! -grumbles at the hot, sticky weather and runs around the house in her knickers-

Mm... Blink 182 is on the radio. I dunno the song, all their songs sound like random screaming with no real rhythm or actual context that relates to real life... I rather like it. Seems like my life. >.<

-slinks into a corner and sulks- People are chastising me for cutting.. I am not allowed to do anything I like anymore. ><...YOU ARE JUST HOLDING ME BACK!


Curiousity kills the cat.. but amazingly, my curiousity could kill a pride of lions. >.>; What! I like to know shit! Not my problem!



....suckahs...


The Order Of Life In My Eyes-
1.Indepent
2.Democrats
3.Pond Life
4.Republicans

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