listening to: click... click... bang...
mood: e.e

-yawns- I went ice skating today. Ugh, I slammed into Meghan (Haight) and her tits are like BRICKS! I swear I have a concussion. -.- I have such a big headache, but I'm waiting up for some people so I can't sleep yet. Ah well..

Man, my day sucked so bad. I went to school, managed through Ms. Liesners boorrriinnnggg rant about the planets, got to French and listened to Music instead of studying... then third period gym. -sighs- Oh man it sucked. I was changing and few days ago I'd cut my chest. Also, there were the scars from my mom. And Morgan was like "HOLY SHIT!" and Mary saw them. She went balistic! i mean, I'm maniac depression, bipolar and loads of other shit and she wants me to reign in my urges to cut 'Four Letter Lie' into my skin?! She got so mad!

-sighs- people try to understand why someone would cut. But you CANT understand unless you cut and it's unbelievably frustrating to have someone continually bitching and glaring and flicking you cuz they think that you sit there and go "Ha ha, I'm depressed, I think I'll cut to make EVERYONE ELSE miserable". Ya... sure...

-smiles lightly- But it's okay I guess... At least they care?

On a more happy note, I visited the faerie today. -sighs- I don't know how much more of just standing there and watching her, the light from the half-lidded blinds reflecting against her face... It's so quiet in there... deadly quiet... The hospital is a place of hope to be BORN not DIE, DAMNIT! I hate the fucking world. It's not FAIR! She didn't do ANYTHING! And me? I've tried smoking, drinking, snorted sugar, didn't do it again, but I've tried it! I'm so much worse then her! It's not FAIR! Why can't I be in the hospital bed, and her looking down at ME!??!!

-screams into a pillow-

Lemme A Comment On The Fucking InJustice Of This Fucked Up Piece Of Shit We Call 'Earth'. Cuz I hate it.

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listening to: FRANZ FERDINARD!
mood: Annoyed
Welcome to the Onslaught of Dorkdom...

Yep, you got it. I'm listening to Jason Mraz. -grabs sheild and hides behind it from the stones hurled by PaGe- Fuckers.

Yea, welcome to the loserdom. I know, I know, I shouldn't listen to it, it's so STUPID, but when it's that or Yellow Card 'Ocean Avenue', times are desparate.
-hides from PaGe-

No, her name is not PaGe. It's Ashley. But she calls me LuNn (the fucktard) so I call her PaGe. To all of you fucking idiots, you can not verbally express the G being uppercase. It's just there for kicks. <^> ^.^ <^>

Apparently, 1 out of 5 women would change a pay raise for the better, 'bikini' body...

I'm going to go be nausea! I'M SURROUNDED BY FUCKING WHORES! >.

WHA! YES! I'm A Bitch by Meredith Brooks is on the radio! YES! There really is a God in the radio.

Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see the softer side....


Im a bitch
Im a lover
Im a child
Im a mother
Im sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your health, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way.

I love that song. It's perfect... Now if they could just play Iris by Goo-Goo Dolls and Darker In The Matinee by Franz Ferdinard... But that's too much to hope for v.v;.

Once you think you've got me figured out
The seasons already changing
I think it's cool
You do what you do
And all I'm trying to say
I'm a tease
Im a goddess on my knees
When you hurt
When you suffer
I'm your angel undercover.

And...

And do they play Iris?

NO! Fucking Sheryl Crow. >.< I'm going to go shoot my radio.

To Die ~
Sheryl Crow
Madonna (Tony hates her)
JESSICA FUCKTARD SIMPSON!
Eminem (PaGe hates him)
Clay Aiken (Have we determined Clay's gender?)
Rumsfield (The world hates him)
Goku (Shall we say, irresponsible dad?)
Vegeta (He needs to come to TERMS with Trunks. (trunks = sexy bitch) )
Aeris (What a dumbass)
THE COORS!
311 (Amber is soooooo annoying)
The Penguin haters (Aka Jessica >.<) Power
Cloud (I fucking hate fucking hero. What a fucker. Fuck)

-breathes- Okay, I'm okay. Yes, there is quite a lot of cursing in this post. Cuz my friend thought the only way to describe me was 'Cursing Effectient'. I hate the fucktards. But ok. I hate the Vatican too! I can't wait to see the Pope get to Heaven and him and the Southern Baptists find they're not the ONLY ones in Heaven.

God Loves You. Too bad, you fucking asshole, cuz I fucking hate you. ^.^


FRANZ FERDINARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fucking bastards, I love them.

Lemme A Message Peoples
Joker Love


People I love (I got asked to do this, I hate this >.<)-
PaGe, Lauren, Ian (you have the force. You are now a Jedi Pervert!), Collin (Jump, I can't hug you yet :-p), Jillie, Brandon (Your s/ns are cheesy), Tony (No, you shouldn't be on the list >.<), FAYE!, Torrey , Jason (Thank you ^^), Anna, Sarah, Kyle & Corwin, Marc, Sharon & DD, Erika, Mary, Andy, Dani, Catie, Samantha, Morgan, Lara (this is a lliiee) , Meghan (You ho :-p), Shawn, Lena, Ezekiel, Dylan, Siro (you still suck >.>;;), Mickey, Greg..., Ezra...., Caden, Malise, Aiko, Breana, Kyra, Jet, Tyson, etc.

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watching: My fingers type
listening to: Californication by Red Hot Chilli Peppers
mood: ........


Hey people...Ever noticed how alot of hospital rooms don't have clocks? Yeah.. realizing how long you've been in there/will be in there is depressing but I spent two hours in one room and didn't notice. Just sat, brushed her hair... waited for her to wake up... cried when she didn't.. Cried when she did.. She was very pale, her long black hair streaming over her face. She touched my tears...

Faye: "Hey, you came to visit me...Shouldn't you be tossing yourself off a bridge?"
Meh: "I can't.. I have no one to catch me."
Faye: "And when my arms are weak and I can no longer catch you?"
Meh: "Then maybe that'll be the day I grow wings and fly."
Faye: "You dream too much."
Meh: "I dream so I may never be caught and put in a bird cage, to smile and sing. "
Faye: "Do you suppose I am already cage?"
Meh: "No... you hold the keys to others cages."
Faye: "I'm glad... Ugly duckling, stop crying."
Meh: "Not crying. Only little kids cry."
Faye: "But staying a kid will not let the ugly duckling grow up to be a swan."
Meh: "Maybe the ugly duckling can stay a duckling."
Faye: "...I hate you."
Meh: "I hate you too."
Faye: "....glad to know where we stand.."
Meh: "You're not using big words, and good grammar and etiquette..."
Faye: "...you didn't hear me say this. Fuck you."
Meh: "You know me.. I never pay attention."

And with that, she turned her head away, and breathed out softly... I called her name quietly and she smiled softly.

Faye: "Not dead yet..."
Meh: "Faeries live forever..."
Faye: "In the dreams of their writers..."

That's the poem I wrote.. I had thought she'd forgotten it...

We the people, live a life of death
Our shells are empty and thus our souls
We the people, try to catch our breath
But we are trapped to our imaginations.

Vampires live in shadows, the demons in the night
The bad witch in the forest, the good witch in the light
But faeries live forever, in the dreams of their writers
Because the people need the hero, the winner and the fighter

So we the lost, get caught up in the rush
Fake stimulations of joy leave us empty
So we kiss hard, pressing together in a crush
We look for love in money, just to find it in poverty

Maidens pick the flowers, and find the knights alarming
Everyones the pretty princess with the prince charming
But faeries live forever, from scottish moor to highland forest
Some fly on dark wings, the others have a soft caress

So Ten of diamands, fools and their riches are eager to part
Here comes the galant knight, 'free of all his errors'
So says our Lady, the sweet Queen of Hearts
Last comes the King of Spades, second only to the Ace of Jokers

Our little joke... I am the little joke.. I am the Ace Of Jokers... I am the ugly duckling... She is the laughter... She is the faeries that live forever.. She is the time machine to make the ugly duckling grow up. And maybe that duckling will not grow up...

I hate her.

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watching: The room spin
listening to: If it makes you happy by Sheryl Crow
mood: Happy, Fuck The World! Mode

Ohhh, I had fun today! Whee! I'm happy cuz it was funny but fuck the world attitude is raising. I got sent to the Guidance Counsler cuz they think I'm a lesbian, cuz I got in a arguement with my teacher on whether homosexuals were 'people' and had rights, which BIG MAJOR DUH they do!

If it makes you happy
Then if can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?

-shrugs lightly- So they sent me outside while they called my dad. So I smoked. It was excellent.

My dad, too quote, said. "My daughters not a lesbian. And if she was, what would you do? Lock her in a closet and beat her into line? Your school is a piece of shit, and if you dare try and kick my intelligent* daughter out of school for your assumitions she's a lesbian, I will personally sue every single one of you. Maybe you should check out the Math teacher and who's ass his hands are on."

+100 for the cool daddi.

* = Intelligent? Sure.. lemme go kill some braincells with my pretty cigs.

Anyway, I was quite pleased with him. Though he just HAD to mention Mr. Heller (math teacher). -sighs- Oh well. I have to deal with him tomoro. I can't wear fucking skirts anymore to his class cuz his 'accidental' brushes are slowly lengthening. He'll sit there and rub your ass and be like "Oh, sorry, I thought it was a book." A) Who the fuck rubs a book? B) My ass is not that flat. It's quite round, thankyouverymuch, FUCKER!... but it's ok, cuz if he's happy, then fine, whatever. I don't care, just as long as people are happy and give me pretty names.

Apparently, this is wrong... Speaking of wrong, I bit my therapist yesterday. Apparently, we do not bite nice therapists. He wanted to pat me on the back, and I prefer not to be touched that much. So I bit his hand until he bled. -shrugs- Oh well.. I gotta get a new one soon.. This will be fun. ^^

Anyway, thanks for the messages peoples. Leaving me another one would be nice. Cuz now I gotta write an apology to my teacher. >.<;

Joker Love Mucho love, lemme a message.

Ja ne.

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watching: Whee, pretty colors spinning
listening to: The Reason by Hoobastank
mood: Bored

Ahhh... And my mind kicks in again with an idea of pure genuis that I got my parents to agree too! -amazement-

I Get To Go To An Peace Rally.

Yeah, yeah, I see that mouth open in disbelief. Yesh, I'm a pasifist, okay!?! Just becomes I believe in plenty of violence, War does not happen to be one of them. >.<; I told Kyle I was a pasi. and he was all "DAMN! You're a fucking vegetarian, Christian and Pascifist, and you want, remind me again, an AK-47 for 'pest control'?!?! You're going to shoot ants full of bullets! And what about people who piss you off?!? Remind me NOT to cross you on a bad day!"

Well too late, he saw me yesterday. For everyone who DOESN'T know, read this.

Why does failure hurt? Aren’t we all set out with a purpose to live for? And when that gets taken away from us, why does it have to hurt? Why, when we work so hard, do we get rewarded by failure? There’s a phase. ‘If you try hard enough, you can accomplish anything you want.’ And when you try and you believe and you force yourself into until nothing is left and there’s NOTHING out of it?! We say ALL of the right words, and we believe in it. We get our nouns and our prepositions in correct order. But our verbs? The ‘try’ and ‘accomplish’? Where does it go!? It’s a perfect sentence grammatically but really? In the reality of the world? It’s not. Nothing if ever accomplished unless you’re lucky. Because Failure is the other 50% of the that coin. And Death? How does Death compete in this? It’s the ultimate failure, our giving up, our last STRING of humanity. Snapped. And this is what we’ve worked so hard for?! This is our modern, excellent system? No. We’ve gone right back where we started, and even worse, we’ve gone farther back then when we started and keep going there. Nothing is improving. We say ‘Look at us now, women realize they’re equal, no one’s enslaved, etc.’. But what are we? Hollow shells that sit there and smile to the rest of the world. Shells that think alone, but the other shells? The bigger shells, the shells with more material possessions controlling their lives. These shells tell us who we are, what we are and why. Completely and unashamedly Edited. We fail because we are edited. A pity, that I realize that. I was going to enjoy life. Ignorance is true bliss. Because you are ignorant of what you are missing.

And ya know what I get for that? A fucking D+. The Topic was 'Write about Things That Bother You. Must Include Two Things'. That's the version I got back. I had a few, light insults and curses and in general she put big black lines over it! ARGH! I hate this stupid school. I mean, I just play a few pranks and they piss at meh! Okay, maybe it's more then that.

Did TimeWarp In The Middle Of the Cafeteria - Citation
Got in a fistfight with Padro- Detention (2 weeks)
Argued With A Teacher In The Middle Of Class On Homosexuals- Citation
Punched A Guy For Making Fun Of Mary- Detention Afterschool
Slammed a Girls Head into Locker for ripping DD's paper- Lunch detention
Wore Anti-War shirt on dress-down day- Detention for a Month
Cursed in front of a teacher- Lunch detention
" - Two Days Detention
Wrote an Anti-Jefferson Paper- Citation
Smelt Of Cigarette Smoke (NOT MINE! SIRO'S!) - Phone Home, Citation
Small cuts on wrist - Guidance counslers for two hours
Fight - Citation
Getting In A Screaming Fight And Finally Punching The Homophobic Jack-Off- Detention for two weeks



>.< I hate this school. Well, the fact I'm a total brat and an opinionated one too doesn't help me.

Meh was reading meh friend Tony's blog, and apparently him and Pawel drank a ton of caffine to do a Cancer walk and are now pissed out of their heads.

Stupidity Points- +80!


Wow, people call me dumbass's. I'm flipping through my friends blogs. I have stupid friends. Glee. -.-;

Anyway, babes, Joker Love . Ja ne. LEMME A COMMENT! PRESS THE FUCKING BUTTON!

(This entry has very little cussing. Allow me to change that.)

Shit, fuck, damn, bitch, Bush!, crap, shit, fuck, damn, bitch, Bush!, crap, shit, fuck, damn, bitch, Bush!, crap, shit, fuck, damn, bitch, Bush!, crap, shit, fuck, damn, bitch, Bush!, crap, shit, fuck, damn, bitch, Bush!, crap, shit, fuck, damn, bitch, Bush!, crap, shit, fuck, damn, bitch, Bush!, crap, shit, fuck, damn, bitch, Bush!, crap, shit, fuck, damn, bitch, Bush!, crap, shit, fuck, damn, bitch, Bush!, crap, shit, fuck, damn, bitch, Bush!, crap.

Anyway. LEMME A COMMENT

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watching: nothing
listening to: Black Balloon by Goo-Goo Dolls
mood: Down

-sighs- We had a concert yesterday. Ah man it sucked. My mom apparently DID show up for a bit but was quite drunk and left early. My sister came and left right in the middle of my Orchestras section and my dad was bored. Oh yea.. we rocked. -sighs- Oh well, guess it's a bit extreme to want them there. They have lives too. But it was sorta okay, because meh, Shawn, Ron (Shawns little bitch), Meg and Jake all went out for ice-cream afterwards. It was good...

Yea, speaking of Meg. We were in Orchestra to day and I wasn't very joyous.. We were watching people clean up and I snapped at her. For the rest of the time she bitched at me. Yeah, I know, I know, I deserved it cuz I was mean. But geez... She gets mad really easily at people. She thinks she's so great cuz she forgives (some) people, but really, she's not. She's hypocrite and it's annoying. She's still my friend, just annoying as hell sometimes.

Shawn's really nice, but she was really obsessed over Ron for a while. Now, she's kinda like "Rons so hot, so is Felix, and Bob too!". -sighs- She says I act whorish. But it's ok.. life's good.. not really, actually, life sucks. Like the vatican.

Ohh, Vatican update of the day. "Muslims shouldn't marry Catholics. Catholisism is different from Pagan." Whoo, did I miss something? Last time I checked, Muslims don't worship the earth. Yesh, they have alot of terrorists but hey, Catholics had the Crusades! And they're going "Muslims need to determind that women and men are equal, a message Catholisism also proves." Uh huh.. No female vicars.. Oh yea, equal indeed. Muslims are a bit of a sexist bunch of towel-heads (Shauro said it, not me!) but the Vatican shouldn't be ragging on 'em. -grumbles- I despise the Vatican.

~Prostestant. Methodist To Be Exact~

Ah well, I can't have everything. I just want to have most things, and I get what I want. -shrugs- Easy. Personally, I say we blow up the Vatican and steal all their money. See how hoight-toighty they are then. They'd be miserable. They'd have to actually get out in the world and do shit for money, instead of listening to an old guy wheeze his way through a sermon. Yeck.


-gasps- It's a PENGUIN!! I love Penguins! Pen-Pen!!

Okay, that moment of happiness faded really fast.

Btw, Mary, if you're reading this, <^>-.-<^> Since I really don't think anyone reads this, I may as well put this in. I'm a 'polar bear'. Bi-polar. Oh yea, Mary, wait til it's just you, me and the stairs.

Anyway, Joker Love. . Lemme a Message, if you can people.

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