watching: Red Vs. Blue
listening to: Chop Suey by System Of A Down
mood: Bored


Aloha, Morons.

What's up?

Yea, you can tell I'm bored, cuz I'm posting. Wellllll.... I'm debating whether to go to Liz's party or not.. >.> I mean, it was a surprise party that she recently found out about.. >.> And I was invited... and I wanna give her my present... >.>;

When angels dserve to die..
In my self-righteous suicide...
I... cry...
When angels deserve to die...
Father, father, father, father
Father, into your hands
I commend my spirit
Father, into your hands
Why have you forsaken me?
In your eyes, forsaken me..
In your thoughts, forsaken me..
In your heart, forsaken me
I'll trust in my..
self-righteous suicide
I... cry...
When angels deserve to die
In my self-righteous suicide...
Why... cry
When angels deserve to die...


Ahh, good song, good song. -mumbles incoherently- Ya know what? I got one loosy comment and it was 'huh?'. I mean, I know I'm random and shiz-nit, but GEEZ!! --.--; -goes off to annoy random people on chatarea.com-


>.> <.< v.v My tummy hurts.



The randomness of that was amazing.

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mood: Selfish
listening to: Jet Black New Year by Thursday
watching: The AMV for it

Oh damn I feel Selfish. I'm all WRAPPED up in my 'Oh my gosh, my friend hates me, I nearly got raped and my mother threw a burning hot cookie-cutter thing at my head and now I have an damn L on my forehead!" I'M LIKE A STUPID SHOJO MANGA!Shojo =

I'm dwelling on MY pain and how much I hurt when their are tons of people much worse then myself!! I am so STUPID! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Somebody SHOOT me >.

-calms down-

Oh well... Today is Liz's b-day, she still won't talk to me... Oh well. You can't stay mad forever, because one day you'll forget. But I hope she forgives me before she forgets me. Kinda scary part is, I dun know what I did. v.v; Yay for my pitiful memory....

I need pocky. I'm gonna go get some.

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mood: Suicidal
listening to: Barrel Of A .45 by Chevelle (I think)
watching: My computer screen?



It's been one week, since I wrote to you, cocked my head to the side and said 'I'm fucked up'. Well, one week and two days.

Well, Sunday passed again. I had to fake being really sore from Michelle's Bat Mitzvah so I didn't have to see him. -sighs softly- Whatever. I'm not allowed on the computer, stupid parents. I'm technically doing my Science Current Event.

I was at school again today... 'joy supreme'. My friend Liz is mad at me, I hate Lara because she CANT KEEP HER FUCKING MOUTH SHUT! She doesn't understand that I don't want my private life blurted around the school! I HATE her sometimes! But ya know what, I'm sick of her fucked up shit, so she can go to hell. She thinks that by going "Oh, I didn't know. Sorry- Oh look, that looks nice to eat" will cut it. I just... hate people. I wish I wasn't so scared to kill myself. I wish I could just take my dads .45 and shoot myself.

Screaming is an option right now. It really is.

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mood: Pissed Off
listening to: My Imaginary by Evanesence
watching: My Life Crumble




Well... It's Sunday... Went to Church...

Interesting thing happened...

Had my shirt taken off, and a guys hand shoved down my pants in an effort to get them off. This - Attempted Rape.

I don't know why I'm writing it in this stupid blog, I really don't... Maybe because it's easier to let go in here. Maybe because I've been turned away from my friends, and maybe because the ones I have left can't shut their mouths.

Maybe I'll just stay here and sink further into myself, giving forth shallow screams. I cut myself before, I can't do it again... I feel so empty, I had to feel something.. Pain happened to be the only thing I could feel.

I tried to tell a friend of mine, Tony. I didn't want other people to tell him, because... I just wanted only select people to know, but my 'friends' have big mouths.. He thought I was making it up. I was so shocked..

It's ok, if people turn away. I've lost half my friends already by just being different. But it hurts more if they make it into a cruel spear in my side they twist and push in farther, just to see me scream.

But it's ok, I guess. I'm seriously considering death anyway.

I want to kill myself. Not like the drawn out, par-suicide (suicide for attention)… I just, want to let go. I’ve gotten myself so wrapped up in all this pain and this entire fucking world, that I want it to go away, and never come back. I want to curl up and die. Just… slitting my wrists is too easy… You can survive that… Hanging is dramatic…But, mostly? I don’t care if my physical body dies, but my spirit? That died a long time a go… Now, I want to sever everything, every emotion, and every cell, every last bit that connects me to this world… But I am so scared. I want to die, but yet… I don’t want to kill myself. I lay awake at night, praying to God that he would just kill me... and save me the trouble… I just silently scream for him to get rid of me, let my tears become my blood, let it run so free. Why hasn’t he killed me? I really, truly don’t know. I used to think, when I got over depression, that I was meant to do something. But now… I’m really not, am I? Everyone says, friends solve everything. No, they truly don’t. They really help you… I have a friend… Who always smiles and it takes a hell of a lot to get him down, you couldn’t get him down with weights. I wish I could be him. I’ve envied him forever. I tried to steal that happiness, I tried to hate it, I tried to make it, and now I’m trying to fake it. I know gay guys, lesbians, evil people, and good people. They’re ALL happy. The evil, happy in their evildoing. The good are happy because they’re good, and the homosexuals happy in love. I hate them for it, I envy them for it and I love them for it. That’s just how they are. But why can’t that just be how I am?!?! What did I do?! Why do I not deserve joy?! Oh dear God, strike me down.

I wrote this. I don't know why, I can't remember why I was down.. Oh, that's a lie, yes I do. I'd been hurt by a 'friend' of mine opening her big mouth, not attempting to ruin my evening, but attempting to ruin my life.

I hate friends. I hate people. I much prefer my books.

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watching: Rock Concert Movements AMV
listening to: Rock Concert Movements AMV
mood: Eccentric

Yeah, whatever. Welcome to my Blog. Now you get to pry into my life, you fuckers. Oh joy.

Anyway, the true joy of the day ISH! I'm goin' to Otakon as Victoria Celas (Hellsing) and I get her gun!! GLEE!!!!!!! Erm, ok, I'm cool. Anyway, meh daddeh's makin' it.. and he's looking in the Plumbing section as I type, looking for large pipes to make the barrel. -.-;; I thought it was kinda sad, but hell, I dun care what he makes it out of, as long as it's coolio. ^.^ -eats pocky- Meh all happiful today...

Anyway, I am highly amused. This is my friends theory on 'Thongs'.

~Thongs, originally, were hairties, thin strips of leather tied around hair in the old-fashioned ponytails. Now they have been thinned, and strapped around the hips and across the lower backs of women. They are not attractive, they appear painful. If one does not wish to wear lower garmants, then do not wear them, do not wear thin straps pulled high up around the waist to show off the fact you are barely wearing anything. According to a ignorant source who deems herself my companion, they are comfortable. There is no way it could be confortable, it's like having being garroted from the crotch up. I can only deem this new form of MasoChrisism has come from Jack The Ripper's days.o.O

-snickers softly- Yea, I was amused too. Faye (girl whose theory this is) is...o.O Crazy. Well, not only crazy, she's many things, Crazy is just the best term for her. She runs around in bloody black dresses/navy dresses with petticoats and shit like that!! I'm like, da-mn child.

-dances-

<sub>It's time to start

Rock Concert Movement- Number 1- The Basic Head Bob
Ready
Go

Rock Concert Movement- Number 2- The One Armed Fist Pump
Ready
Go

In a moment, it will be time to execute Rock Concert Movement- Number 3- The Up And Down Jumping Motion
Here are your instructions-

Step One- Bend your knees, and then jump, into the air.
Step Two- Let gravity bring you back down, and upon landing, rock your head forward
Step Three- Repeat
Ready
Go

It's time to start

Rock Concert Movement- Number 4 - The Behind The Head, Leg Stretch
Ready
Go</sub>


Oh damn I love that song. :-d

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