Items of interest
My photo album
Policies of Von-Nation
*~ Be happy, think positive, SMILE!
*~ Love simply
*~ Live the day like there is no tomorrow
*~ Live without regrets
*~ Dispose of your rubbish carefully
*~ Reduce your usage of plastic shopping bags
*~ Love the world, be charitable
*~ Respect Cross-cultural relationships
*~ Respect same-sex relationships
*~ Be kind to your family, respect ur parents
*~ Enjoy song & dance
*~ Swear till your hearts' content
*~ Love who you are and be satisfied
*~ Eat when u r hungry
*~ Money is not the most important thing
*~ Have faith in something you feel strongly about
*~ Respect all religions
*~ Don't take life so seriously
*~ Give hugs
*~ Have manners! Be polite
*~ Cherish ur group of friends
*~ Don't talk shit, get to the pt
*~ Be passionate about your job
*~ Invest in a good eye cream
*~ Don't waste food
*~ Respect elders
*~ Don't be afraid to have a say!
*~ Love animals
Subject to alteration..
What do you think?
Karen Cheng - This lady must love perth
as much as I do!! Great read, web designer
Ayu - Another nutang bud, luv her
site designs! Sweet person..
Bitch- a "bitch" NOT! Cool Nutang girl!
KOban - NUtang boy who likes ff like me!, from sg too.
ShaShaBoo - she mah home girl..hehe
Vera - Frm Atlanta, US, alwiz has
something interesting to say!
JulAngel - Friend from 1st yr uni at Murdoch, Honkie at heart but living in Perth.
Phoid_hearted - another nutanger...very cool blog, she knows how to write!
Aussie Poida - A work friend, also from Perth. A live journal junkie/nintendo person
I adopted a cute lil' tempura fetus
from Fetusmart! mm..yummy.
Isn't he adorable?
Count me in
If you love someone would you hurt them?
Thursday. 10.5.06 5:44pm
It seems every where I go now a days it is the same picture I see...girl and boy fight and tears come out. You must be so sick and tired of me talking about this same topic for the last 3 entries. Hehe. I'm definitely feeling much better now a days about the whole drama with the couple, but still it is not properly resolved. But I thought I might dedicate a few of my thoughts to the couples of today who cant seem to stay together to work things out...even if they try and work things out they are not listening to each other.
I got an email from the gf of the couple coming to me for advice. I know it is strange becuz her bf is chasing me! And she says that I am the innocent one in the equation. I have accepted that it isnt my problem and it is theirs to fix, their communication is not so in tuned and both of not listening to each others wants and needs. She is sticking around becuz she still loves the guy but he is sticking around cuz he still loves her deep down...but cant keep his eyes of other women. It is quite disturbing that people in couples do not realize they have the best of what's infront of them, why do they need to look elsewhere?
By looking elsewhere it is only creating another new fight with another significant other. The same problems will arise, so why not stick around with the one you with and work it out? By working stuff out it makes the rship stronger, understanding better, though it will hurt at first to learn the truths you dont want to hear. It's funny how people fall in love so easily and want to fall out of it so easily too...becuz they dont want to go through the hard work. These people will only result in many broken heartsdown the road...and never be truely satisfied with one person.
Also when you are in love with someone, would you go out to intentionally hurt them? Like this guy, he is looking at other girls but he doesnt really think his gf should get upset about. Even though she says she is hurt, he says he feels hurt too...but he doesnt really understand the pain of infidelity. Or another couple who I know who does not respect one another, by hurting each other and even to the point of shouting and belittling one another just to win an arguement! It is a wonder why they are even still together. But somehow they still stick to each other, and neither wants to leave...both are stubborn and are probably sticking to each other for companionship. When there is no respect or trust in a rship it will eventually breakdown becuz those are the foundations of a strong bond.
I have come to the realisation that nobody in the world comes close to my baby -Fernando, he is my best friend, my lover, my family, my twin. Cuz when he hurts, I hurt...when he is down, I'm down... When he is sick, I feel sick too.. lol! I have a strong belief in my head and that he is the love of my life and even though we a part sometimes I think of him constantly and cannot wait til the next time I see him. Cuz it sucks being apart, in my Why is it when I see couples in strife it reminds me of the good things I have in our rship.
Worse F*CKING weekend!
Monday. 10.2.06 5:31PM
I know that is a big statement, but it sure was the shittiest and most fucking piece of turd weekend I have had this year! Everything was just fucking screwed up, everyone was screwing each other over and nothing was happening the way it was supposed to. I did get into some drama with that couple, but it is all sorted now. The girlfriend actually called me on Friday night to chat about her bf and his actions. I was quite shocked to have her call me, and say 'SORRY'. Why does she have to say sorry? It wasn't even her fault! It was the dickhead's fault.... *sigh* Stupid men, who cant make up their minds about who they care about.Anyways I had a good chat with her and in the end it was ok. I just hope she is ok, cuz I understand how a gf feels when her bf's thoughts on another girl...
Then there was the ASIA Cocktail which had DISASTER written all over it. No longer, am I gonna organise anything again! I dont give a fuck anymore bout what people r doing and what they want to do. Just don't ask me to do the organising... I had ended up in tears at the beginning of the night. And just dont ask me why. I was sick of everything that has happened up to that point. The rest of the night was alright, but it wasnt enough to balance out the bad stuff that had happened. My friend Yohana came in the end, which made me so happy, cuz I thought she wouldnt come. Then...by the end of the night, she was feeling down and sad and everyone was just feeling crap. Even F was sick and Yo too...so it was just a terrible start to the weekend.
Maybe the only good thing that came out of it was EAGLES WON! HELL YEA! I was so excited, it was my first Aussie Rules Footy game that I have watched the whole length of. Cuz F was around and we were just having a cruisey day. He is the only one who can make my worries go away. *sigh* I can forget everything that happened on Friday. I just dont want anymore dramas.
Then sunday comes and I have to work. After Tiff and I make a gourmet dinner at Yo's apartment expecting her home, but she didnt pick up the phone. So we were worried an all, since she was so sad on Fri. She didnt come back, we stayed there til 12 and ate the dinner and cleaned up. I think she went to uni, but it was kinda depressing just Tiff and I worrying about her and watching 'Love Actually' on tv..though cooking gourmet was fun. Man I couldnt wait to go home and just fall into bed and forget this weekend ever happened. I was so sick of this whole week all together! *sobs* I really didnt mind dying this week. hehe. I know I take that lightly, but honestly dying isnt such a bad thing. Just been real philosophical with F on Sat and it has kinda made us think our lives can be very insignificant looking at the bigger picture.
Sorry...I am at it again...being all morbid. *sigh* funny how a bad week can turn your thinking around.
i hate feeling like this...
Friday. 9.29.06 4:52pm
I feel really really shit today, like my brain is in overload thinking about lots of shit stuff. I just want to chill out tonight at the ASIA cocktail (an annual event) with my friends. Yohana my best friend cannot come cuz she is sick, but I think it isnt true...she is probably bz with her druggie friends and rather not hang out with Tiff and I. I feel really crap about that, that she is the one tat decided to go. I dunno, I just get disappointed really easy now a days...I have no tolerance for it.
Plus since the drama with the uni grp mate things have gotten worse. Yesterday we had a grp meeting, I was hoping Ling the Chinese girl would come back in time. She did, but she in the morning, so she was too tired to attend the meeting. We sat to chat about our law assignment, and after he said he was sorry bout the email, cuz he thought he had upset me. I was feeling rather awkward, especially when he passed me a gift. I didnt want it, but it was a friends bracelet and he insisted. I asked if that girl, who hangs around him is his girlfriend, and she is! So he is someone's bf, which made me kinda sick. I didnt want to be the "homewrecker", the girl who the bf is secretly seeing. Anyways we just chat about general stuff, and he says he is having probs with his girl...I wanted to offer him advice to help but he wouldn't hear of it. He even wanted to see me after graduation, whateva tat means. But i felt so uncomfortable..
Now today he tells me that he told his gf about our meeting and she of course is pissed off! Probably wants to kill me, but I have not done anything wrong. Or have I? I have not encouraged him at all... She broke it off with him, which is not a surprise, I would do the same. I just cant believe what is happening, and I feel like I have caused some couple to break up, even though I havent done nothing at all! Just the stupid guy likes me! Especially since they been going out for 3 yrs, *sigh*. I wish he never got me involved...I honestly feel like crap and I hurt for the girl cuz she is such a nice person, for I have met her. I don't know what to say wen I see her again, cuz she hates me for her bf liking me. I cant say sorry...sorry for what? That the rship ended like this...
My head just hurts, I hate dramas and anything tat is related to conflict. And especially when it involves other parties who are innocent, why do I feel like the guilty one? I told him that we should not meet up unless it is for uni and when someone else is there, like LING!!! His gf made it clear she doesnt want him to have anything to do with me. So yea...pls advise somebody, anybody!! I want to say something to this girl, but I dunno whether I should...could make things worse :(
getting better at this
Wednesday. 9.27.06 9:30am
About 2 days ago I had a group meeting with one of team mates from Industrial Law 313, we have the task of writing up a report on a case and give recommendations to the company on how to solve it. One of my other grp mates have flown back to China for a family emergency, so it is just me and this other guy. At 12pm during the day we met up at the library to talk about the assignment, he called the meeting. We both have not prepared anything for the meeting and go on for about 15 mins talking bout crap and what we should 'really' be doing. I felt it was a waste of time, cuz I had caught the bus to uni to only stay for a few minutes!
This guy is quite shy, know him to be like that since I met him at the beginning of the semester. He is friendly and overly nice though...which made kinda think why? He would always msg me to get notes for our assignments and just say hi and ask me to take care. I thought he was just being cool and I saw him as a bit of a pushover, cuz he was just so polite for a guy! I found it unusual...I'm especially wary of people being 'too nice'.
After the meeting I got back home, and I had to type out the notes we had discussed about and send them through email. He beat me to the email, but his email was one of confession not about our assignment. It really shocked me and it kinda made me a bit upset, cuz he told me he liked me. I just didnt want him to do that, I havent done anything to make him like me and I just want us to be friends and finish our assignment. But I remember in the past how I used to deal with these situations..usually get annoyed and upset and was cold towards the guy. Why? Just because he said he likes me, I should be flattered! I have certainly grown up now, matured into my own and not make such selfish moves as a girl to shoot these guys pride down. Still have the save their face. So I typed him an email back telling him I have a boyfriend and I felt flattered that he likes me, and we should be cool and remain friends. The outcome turned out better than expected, he was fine and he was glad he let it off his chest. PHEW!
It took him guts though to say something so straight forward without any warning. But to say it on email was pretty weird, when he could've just talked to me about it face to face at the grp meeting. Then...I wonder about my reaction, would I have replied as calmly or more shocked! I told my bf these things and he just laughs.
Saturday. 9.23.06 12.18pm
I got the sniffles...sick again. I think I am forever sick..it is not a good thing. I have a weak body that I try and protect with vitamins and covering up with layers but still I get cold. People say that they love winter because they can keep warm easier, but I disagree. It is far easier to cool down in Summer with an icy cold drink or ice-cream, even there is a swimming pool, or a piece of paper can be turned into a fan! Whereas in Winter, you have to stay indoors to keep warm, infront of the heater, warm drink and socks. Even with those I am still cold... *sigh*
Also I have been working lots more at the Thai Rest this week and at Fresh Salad Bars...my body is tired and running low on fuel. Last night I felt like chilling out after a long day of work with my best friend Tiff. It was good, both of us went to Oriels and had a chat about a lot of things. Which I love, cuz we have not had one on one chats in a while... I find out a lot of things going on with her and she finds out with me, we surprise each other with the upsetting things that have made a big impact on us recently. But we are close friends and dont catch up very often, so we miss out on the times that we feel the most down. I wish I could be there more for my friends when they need me, but it is hard since of our schedules. It sucks!
I have been spending lots of time with Fernando, and even though I love it. I forget that I havent seen my friends the whole week or even more. Plus being sick doesnt help, dont feel like leaving my bed during times like these. Also hanging around mum a lot. She is starting to talk about her years left in this world, which really upsets me when she tells me she has 40 yrs left. It is so cruel, I want to spend so much time with her because it is very important to appreciate the parents who brought you up. It hurts me very much that the circle of life has to be this way...it's a very morbid subject, sorry guys. But I couldn't imagine without her in my life, I would really lose a big part of my identity. *sigh* Better stop talking like that, just enjoy life with my parents as it comes. :)
Thursday. 9.21.06 9.10pm
This morning when I said bye to F, as he went to work at 6:30am. I started playing my DS and then came to 7:30am I decided to snooze for an hour. What happened that was so spine-chilling was that I started to fall asleep and I conscious of it, my eyes were heavy, my body was relaxed and I was about to doze off. But then all of a sudden I had a really weird feeling...my body started to feel extra heavy and I could feel myself trying to control my sleepyness by getting myself to sleep but wake up at the same time.
It was kinda like a trance state I was in, which totally freaked me out!!!!! Then my left hand started to feel heavy, then my right, they were both resting on my stomach. They started getting pins and needles and just like dead weights I couldnt move them. I could feel myself panicking a bit, and breathed as normal. My breath soon became quicker and just harder to take air in. It was soooo terrible this feeling.
I dunno why, I could still see the ceiling of my room but blacking out at the same time. Then in my head I began saying the Hail Mary over and over again. Then I said the Our Father. Prayers which I know off by heart since I was little. I couldnt really tell whether my mouth was moving, or mumbling it. Everything was silent and all I could hear was the audio waves. Then I used all my force to wake myself up from this dream/awake state and my heart was beating quite fast. I looked at the ceiling and it was just my fan, in a shape of a cross. I was just so relieved to be out of that trance like state, it's like I didnt have full control of my motor functions.
I think I should buy a rosary or a crucifix just to make me feel better. I dunno whether it will help.It might just be my paranoia and restlessness. Not getting very good sleep lately. But I dont need this at the moment...stressed out with work already...and getting really dependent on F to stay around more.
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