Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

So today in class we were talking about all this stuff about women. And we started talking about abortion and how sometimes woman (as late as the 70’s) would go in to have an abortion and the doctors would sterilize them. And in the early 1900’s until like the 30’s doctors used to cut the clitoris because it really serves no purpose expect to give the female pleasure and apparently there was a female masturbation “epidemic” and the men didn’t like it so they just started cutting them off. And they said it tamed women and they did it to people who were insane or mentally challenged and stuff. But if you were either of those and if you were a minority they just sterilized you because the United States was doing eugenics, just like Hitler. We just didn’t advertise it like he did.
There was this one case of these two African American sisters one 12 the other 14 who were in an experience for the birth control shot back in like the 60’s. The doctors told the mother she was signing paperwork to continue the shots. Knowing the mother couldn’t read they had her sign papers saying they could sterilize her children.
It is just so horrid to read about all of this. And then our teacher shows us this ad for the CRACK (Children Requiring a Caring Kommunity’s) or Project Prevention is a campaign that is legal and has the paperwork through the government to do what they do. It is a woman who pays drug addicts to let her sterilize them and all she has to do is pay them like $200. And her reasoning is that if she does this there will be less drug addicted babies without parents. And sure that is true but is that really fixing the problem? What are those women going to spend that 200 bucks on?
They have had 2024 paying clients so far according to their site. http://www.projectprevention.org/
I just can’t see how this is really helping in the long run. If the gov’t would just spend money on rehab clinics and education programs….I mean what happens if that woman gets clean and in 5 years wants to have a baby…she can’t. I don’t even see how the contract could be learn I mean someone on drugs is considered under the influence and I don’t think that can allow them to sign a contract like that. I mean even if you aren’t high at the time you aren’t thinking clearly if you are going through withdrawal.
Let’s be honest here too they is obviously a class and race thing going on here. She isn’t advertising to soccer mom’s who are high on Valium or who are stealing their kids Riddelin(sp?). She is adverting to inner city women addicted to crack or heroin. I mean if you sterilize vast classes like that there will be no next generation or it will be off balanced. I don’t know I can’t say for sure but I mean….there has to be a better idea out there then taking away a woman’s right to motherhood when she isn’t thinking clearly….
It was just really mind opening to see what people are doing in the world I guess…..

Comment! (7) | Recommend!

I am sitting here in my EMF class waiting for it to begin. I got here too early because my partner and I finished our meeting early and I just walked over because there was no point in going anywhere else. But on my way here I heard these two girls talking about their weekend and how amazing it was because of the parties they went to and I began to think…Have I missed out on some crucial part of my youth?
I was too uptight in my childhood and late teens to just let loose and experience college life?
I am 19 years old and I have never been to a party. Not so much because I don’t want to go to one, bust just because I do not hang around with people who party or know who parties. In essence I am too much of a dork to even know where a party is in order to go to one.
And I feel like I have missed out on some weird form of bonding that everyone goes through while in college. Like in 40 years people will be telling stories of their college days and I will not have single one to tell.
I sometimes feel like I am not living my life the way I want to. I want to have fun, and do things and have stories. This is why I want to travel so badly, I want to have something to say something to talk about.
It is now February and what am I thinking about? Not spring break in Cancun, not even spring break. I am thinking about jobs for the summer, should I get an office job? Work at a bank? These would be good resume builders. Or should I manage Rita’s this summer? It’s a good job, okay money, great bosses, a little far away, but I did it all last summer. Or should I look toward my future and think about getting an internship?? And if so, where? Kim mentioned that there are a lot of them in D.C.
I just sometimes feel like I have two people inside of me, one that wants to be an adult right now and do the grownup thing and get the internship so I am one step ahead of everything. And another and just wants to stay young and have as much fun as possible.
At this point in time I am leaning towards Rita’s or Internship….and I don’t know which will win out….
I wish I knew what to do.

Comment! (6) | Recommend!

i am never going to get anything done on the days i don't have class until 1230... i can't get myself up early without something to do, like work or class.
i got up early enough to get a shower and that's about it.
I need to work on this. I just hate getting out of bed, it's so warm.

Comment! (3) | Recommend!

So I am done with my first week of classes. I am really excited for this semester to be done because then I can say I am half way to graduating and I won’t want to quit because I have made it so far already.
My classes….well they basically are awesome. I am taking history of EMF and I have a documentary film maker as a teacher who will only answer if we call him Danny. We are all equals in his class just sharing ideas on our field of interest. It’s amazing!
I am in the “make or break” me class for my major, it’s going to be so extremely hard to get a good grade so I am aiming for a C and I will be happy. I hate how scary my teacher is and she is going to get a hard grader and everything like that. But I love the way she lectures she gives so many real life examples. I am hoping that because I am so interested in the subject I will absorb a lot of info in that class.
Then I am in a production class and is kinda hands on and everything and the teacher just came out of the field so she has lots of advice and examples so I am excited there as well.
My other two classes are just gen eds. Psych 101 which I hope will just be AP Psych over again so it won’t be a big deal. And international women’s studies which already seems awesome because of the subject matter and the teacher who really just wants to have a lot of discussion and not a lot of straight lecture.

I can not wait for the end of this week! I can’t wait to see Niagara Falls! It’s going to be really really really cold but that’s okay. We will be there for 2 nights and 2 days so we will just stay in doors except for when we go to see the falls. I am hoping maybe we can see them from our room that would be sweet! Because at night they are lit up!
I think it is safe to say this will be the most amazing Valentine’s Day I have ever had. It’s so awesome that Alex was my Valentine and now he is back in my life. It’s just so perfect. I am so happy at this point in my life.
Everything just seems to be going right *smiles*

Love is a beautiful thing.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

So there is this “person” that I am not exactly happy with. But can’t really tell them because they aren’t the type to actually listen to me. They would become defensive, then say okay and act like we worked things out. But actually they would just resent me and call me mean things behind my back.
There is just really nothing I really enjoy about this person. They don’t treat others well at all, not even people they say they love. And then they go over board with certain things. I mean everyone likes to get those cheesy myspace photo art things that say “I love You” and stuff. But I mean this person will post 3 in 10 minutes and then leave a stereotypical “I love you, you are the greatest person ever!”
I am all for public displays of affection, but what is that? It’s freaking weird is what it is. I mean I think one message saying I love you is nice, and maybe a written one too. But 3 in less then 10 minutes….I think at that point it starts to lose its meaning. (Did I mention it is like this everyday). If I ever post on this page you can bet it won’t be seen in a few hours, it’s like they have spam all over their page.
I was really proud of myself because earlier this month I tried to really talk things out with this person. And I was honest, which was hard because I know I wasn’t saying the nicest things. But I didn’t want to hear excuses ….there is no reason to flip your lid when your significant other hangs out with best friends like once a week, while you are at work. And there is really absolutely no reason to tell your significant other that they can’t go visit their best friend in the hospital, because you would be in the car with your other best friend too long (who happens to be of the opposite sex, but at the same time in love with the other best friend, the one in the hospital). Confusing I know but I just need to get this out a little.
And I don’t think that after being so rude, a phone call saying you are sorry (that you were forced to make) will suffice. And I kind of thought maybe the call was supposed to be an “I’m sorry….Oh me too I’m sorry,” but it was more like, “I’m sorry…..okay thanks, bye.”
Just because I know she didn’t really want to make the call and was most likely forced to do it.
Now I haven’t spoken with this person since then, not because I am avoiding them. But because they are only online really late, and I have been in training and work and school ever since. And I would rather be in bed on the phone with Alex at 1am then on-line listening to her sob story.
I feel like they are just really controlling of people who don’t need to be controlled and I feel like I am the only reason they are like that. Because I am a girl hanging out with 2 guys who happen to be my best friends… Like I can help that?
Apparently bad things between the love birds only occur when I am around. Because I have no idea why…oh yeah, we flirt. I love my best friend, but really….never going to happen. For one thing I am in love with someone else, and that someone else is also the other best friend in this triangle of friendship. And you don’t date you best friends ex….that’s just wrong. Not to mention I believe I have most likely been in love with Alex for 5 years and just kind of ignored the feeling because I didn’t think I would ever be with him again. SO I have no idea what she is worried about when I am around. If anything I am like a guy when with her “man” because I don’t even see him in that way at all, not even when I was single did I look at him that way.

So if I haven’t spoken with her what started this rant? Just the fact she was complaining to my boyfriend about if I hated her and being all annoying and forcing him to lie and say he had to get off the computer to get away from her… And the million myspace flashy things she leaves on people’s pages. AND her away, about buying my friend even more gifts for Valentine’s Day. I mean it’s like she has this need to tell the world every little thing she does so she can get attention. Like “aw you bought him more, that’s so nice of you.”
When in reality I think it’s lame because I don’t think you need to buy people lots of stuff for them to have a nice holiday and see that you love them. If you overload them with tons of crap what will you do next year?
I don’t know it just bothers me. Like when she asks me to ask my friend to bring her flowers at work….why would I do that? That’s weird, she needs to let people do what they want to do, and not feel this weird need to tell the world every little thing so she can get praised. It’s just weird, and she’s a meanie head, so humph.
-mean rant over-

I know this was rude but I just needed to let it out.
but he really likes her so i need to keep my cool. because i only want what's best for my buddy. even if she gives me the evil eye.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!