I believe one of the hardest things in the world is to tell the truth. Not just to yourself even though many times that step is hard to make as well. But to tell someone you care for the truth about your feelings knowing it will hurt them….
But it’s best to be honest right? It’s not fair to lead people on… And just because my feelings are different, that shouldn’t mean they were true in the past.
In case people didn’t know I am an emotional roller coaster and I try very hard to control my feelings. But it seems that every time I do that I just find myself at the top of a hill at the point where you loose your breath and your stomach I about 5 feet above your head while you are falling down what you think is the steepest hill on earth.
As the years go on I realize that every new hill seems steeper then the last and so I just remind myself that it will all be okay in the end.
That cliché saying “time heals all wounds” is very true.
I never mean to hurt people. But I know I do…the words “I’m sorry” don’t seem to mean enough to make up for it though.
In the end I know I made the right choice. I don’t want to hear that in time I will realize what I mistake I made, and that later in life I will regret my decision. I have made more decisions in my life then many people realize. And I really don’t regret anything I have done. I believe if people want to make me feel bad for the choices I have made, then they were never really my friend in the first place. Or in time I will see that no one could love me as much…. No one knows how much anyone loves me except themselves.
I won’t be sorry for being happy.

Love is more than a feeling;
it's a state of mind.
- Lisa Grude –

The way to love anything
is to realize that it might be lost.
- G. K. Chesterton –

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."

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I had the most amazing night. :-)

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Today was on of those days that if I had known what was going to happen I would have just stayed in my room and gotten more accomplished.
1) my physics exam was canceled due to the fact my teacher was 30 mins late. Meaning I crammed last night for nothing.
2) I read a 10 page article about being a mommy that I thought I would have to write about and was just told what was said…so I didn’t have to actually read it.
3) I didn’t pay attention in my last class for a good 30 mins because I was trying to sign up for classes.
SOOOOOOOOOO if I had known this I wouldn’t have gone to classes finished my work I needed to do. And I wouldn’t have gotten caught in a freaking monsoon that drenched me through and through. My shoes had puddles and I squeezed water out of my hoodie, jeans, and socks.
UGH now I need to study for bio and maybe get my freaking paper started. Friday will be dedicated to writing my paper. That is final!

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is it bad i want to egg the pro-life people today? how long are the going to stay? i understand their views, but the big signs screaming genocide reeeeeeeeeeeeally bug me. Like say how egg on their face would reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally annoy them.

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i believe one of the worst things in the world is to have to talk to a group of 30 college students right after you broke down in tears. Jamie hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay, i splashed cold water on my face and walked out the door.
People asked if i was okay...i said i was sick. it's easy to see who really cares and who just asks if you are okay because they feel like they have to. So with a low voice and blurry eyes i went over the meeting info at lighting speed. had them fill out what they needed and let them go.
i was not so good at lying when it came to some people. when i walked in my room tommy had left me a note telling me everything would be okay and to remember i am beautiful. it made me smile.
i hate to cry.
i hate to have ppl see me cry.
i hate that i cried.

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Is abortion genocide? I think not. Today while walking across campus there were huge photo’s of abortions can Pro-Life idiots calling it genocide… The thing that angered me the most was the fact that there were men down there wearing pro-life shirts.
Excuse me but when did the male gender grow vagina’s? Because last time I checked women were the only one’s growing fetuses inside THEIR body! How dare anyone male or female think they can possibly tell another human being what to do with her own body.
A man can never know what it is like to be in that situation. Yes when a woman becomes pregnant and has to contemplate abortion many men try to “help” with the choice. But in the end it falls on our shoulders. WE are the ones that have to go to the doctors and we are the ones that have to worry about hurting our bodies so badly that we may not be able to have kids in the future. I don’t believe that men can go through the same physiological struggle that a woman goes through before during and after an abortion.
I am not saying that everyone should get an abortion and I not even saying that I would ever be emotionally strong enough to have one myself. It really pisses me off that some people have the nerve to tell someone else what they can and cannot do with their body. And I really gets me when people preach about how bad and evil abortion is and how it should never be done. But then they can say..but it’s okay if the girl was raped. Well why is it okay then? That would be baby can’t help what its dead beat father did.
For me there is no middle ground about this subject you are either pro-choice or pro-life. I saw a sign today that made me smile, it said “Anti-Choice is Anti-American”, I think I will make that a shirt. It seems so true to me. This is meant to be he land of the free, were we can make our own choices…good or bad. And the idea that some believe this is a choice that shouldn’t be aloud to me seems like they are against the structure of our government. Freedoms me all freedoms not some, not only the one’s that fit the Christian religion; you can’t take away freedoms just because they make you feel uncomfortable.
If you are pro-life that is fine. Be that, but DO NOT think that because you have that belief it is okay to force this idea on others. I respect people for their ideas…to a point. When they start trying to chance my ideas, and my views, just because I believe something different doesn’t mean you have the right to try to chance me.
At this point in my life, if I was pregnant…there is just no way I could have one. My life would be over. I’m still a kid…my parents still pay for school, and other things for me. How can I have a child when I myself am still a child. I wouldn’t be able to finish school in time, and I wouldn’t be able to get the job I have always planned on.
Perhaps some will call it selfish to think of myself if I was indeed ever pregnant. But if I can’t take care of me, there is no way I can take care of another human being.
this sounds poor because i wrote it in the middle of class. but i think you get my point.

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