is it bad i want to egg the pro-life people today? how long are the going to stay? i understand their views, but the big signs screaming genocide reeeeeeeeeeeeally bug me. Like say how egg on their face would reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally annoy them.

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i believe one of the worst things in the world is to have to talk to a group of 30 college students right after you broke down in tears. Jamie hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay, i splashed cold water on my face and walked out the door.
People asked if i was okay...i said i was sick. it's easy to see who really cares and who just asks if you are okay because they feel like they have to. So with a low voice and blurry eyes i went over the meeting info at lighting speed. had them fill out what they needed and let them go.
i was not so good at lying when it came to some people. when i walked in my room tommy had left me a note telling me everything would be okay and to remember i am beautiful. it made me smile.
i hate to cry.
i hate to have ppl see me cry.
i hate that i cried.

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Is abortion genocide? I think not. Today while walking across campus there were huge photo’s of abortions can Pro-Life idiots calling it genocide… The thing that angered me the most was the fact that there were men down there wearing pro-life shirts.
Excuse me but when did the male gender grow vagina’s? Because last time I checked women were the only one’s growing fetuses inside THEIR body! How dare anyone male or female think they can possibly tell another human being what to do with her own body.
A man can never know what it is like to be in that situation. Yes when a woman becomes pregnant and has to contemplate abortion many men try to “help” with the choice. But in the end it falls on our shoulders. WE are the ones that have to go to the doctors and we are the ones that have to worry about hurting our bodies so badly that we may not be able to have kids in the future. I don’t believe that men can go through the same physiological struggle that a woman goes through before during and after an abortion.
I am not saying that everyone should get an abortion and I not even saying that I would ever be emotionally strong enough to have one myself. It really pisses me off that some people have the nerve to tell someone else what they can and cannot do with their body. And I really gets me when people preach about how bad and evil abortion is and how it should never be done. But then they can say..but it’s okay if the girl was raped. Well why is it okay then? That would be baby can’t help what its dead beat father did.
For me there is no middle ground about this subject you are either pro-choice or pro-life. I saw a sign today that made me smile, it said “Anti-Choice is Anti-American”, I think I will make that a shirt. It seems so true to me. This is meant to be he land of the free, were we can make our own choices…good or bad. And the idea that some believe this is a choice that shouldn’t be aloud to me seems like they are against the structure of our government. Freedoms me all freedoms not some, not only the one’s that fit the Christian religion; you can’t take away freedoms just because they make you feel uncomfortable.
If you are pro-life that is fine. Be that, but DO NOT think that because you have that belief it is okay to force this idea on others. I respect people for their ideas…to a point. When they start trying to chance my ideas, and my views, just because I believe something different doesn’t mean you have the right to try to chance me.
At this point in my life, if I was pregnant…there is just no way I could have one. My life would be over. I’m still a kid…my parents still pay for school, and other things for me. How can I have a child when I myself am still a child. I wouldn’t be able to finish school in time, and I wouldn’t be able to get the job I have always planned on.
Perhaps some will call it selfish to think of myself if I was indeed ever pregnant. But if I can’t take care of me, there is no way I can take care of another human being.
this sounds poor because i wrote it in the middle of class. but i think you get my point.

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i will give anyone anything if they can just give me a couple extra hours in my day. Just a couple more and i could get everything done.

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just a note to the world:
I have a ton of work this week. I have a Breast Cancer event tonight, unservice tomorrow, meeting with my boss and coffee with my friend on wed., physics exam thursday, maybe salsa @ night???, a bio exam on friday, and a brunch and a movie on saturday. PLus i want to get my 5 page paper out of the way so i can have a nice weekend. PLUS i have to pick and sign up for classes on thursday as well.
BUT even with all of that....at this moment...i am very happy with my life.

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Change…it doesn’t happen over night. It is something that builds up over time. And in one moment it can explode. If it is simmering just below the surface then all it takes is one little pointless thing to break everything you were trying to build.
No it wasn’t one action; it wasn’t one word, not even one weekend. It was many things, repeated actions. Ignored requests. Over time things just stop being happy go lucky and people get stuck in ruts.
Well what does one do if that rut isn’t the best thing for them? Was it healthy of me to allow the things that were said to me to go unpunished….no. That is where I failed. I was afraid to stand up for myself. And one day I realized that is not who I am. I am not the girl who cries, and I am not the girl who does something just to make others happy. I am an extremely strong person who for some reason weakened over a year and a half. I never let people talk to me the way I let him talk to me…to chip away at my personality every time I was called a bitch, every time I was called huge, every time he pushed me to the point of tears.
So on my birthday I don’t even know what was wrong with me….we fought, but I knew at the time it wasn’t the same kind of fight it normally was…But I still wanted to fix the pain. I went to hold a hand and it was pulled away…I went for a good nigh kiss and was pulled away from, I was told to get out of the car…I was left on the sidewalk digging for my keys while you sped away from me….on my birthday.
It was the straw the broke the camel’s back…but the straw shouldn’t have been there to begin with.
Change is gradual… no one changes in a few days it is impossible. I believe people can want to change. That I believe. But I know that I am on the defense. Once again I backed down from a boy and got hurt. I told my self with Jordan I would follow my gut and make a clean cut when I knew it was right. And I didn’t with this one……I was talked out of it before and now I am between a rock and a hard place all because I was talked out of it….
Never again…I am stronger now. I am not the same little girl I was in 12th grade.
Can we be friends???
Because I would like that.

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