I sometimes wish I was till a kid. Or at least I wish I still saw the world through the eyes of a child. I don’t know if my parents were always this messed up or if I was just too naïve to notice things before.
Normally when I come home my mother wakes me up…I never set my alarm and if I don’t do that people need to wake me because I will sleep the entire day….i like to sleep it’s a problem I know.
Well for some reason my mother decided today she didn’t feel like waking me or my father up…so we slept late. And she got pissed off at us like we had just killed the family dog. She wouldn’t talk and when she did, she sound really annoyed and when we tried to help we heard reasons like it is too late things are already done.
And when I told her she should have told me to get she just said she wanted me to sleep in but it would have been nice to have someone to talk to on Thanksgiving, and she was so pissed she was just going to eat without us and make us feel bad.
I have no fucking clue what her problem was…she has been waking me up on thanksgiving for 18 years why was today different?
She was freaking out so much she refused to say grace and then I said I didn’t want to and my dad was about to start and she said we just shouldn’t do it. So my dad told her to calm down and she looked like she was about to burst into tears…..Happy Thanksgiving! ..not
It was a very quiet meal until about the end when we started talking about random pointless crap that really had no meaning… I was picturing next thanksgiving…and how I am just going to stay in my apartment until Thanksgiving Day and leave that night, because I don’t like this house anymore.
I have been here for a day and I already want to go home (college). Because I don’t have a fucking room and it is really pissing me off that my room has become some storage workout room that I know they never use…..it’s so lame. I don’t want friends to come over and I don’t want to be here and I want to leave so bad because I don’t feel like I belong here, I feel like a stranger in my own home.
My dad just left he went to the bar to watch to football game….my mother is sitting downstairs watching a James Bond movie and at 7 we are all supposed to go to the movies and watch the newest James Bond movie.
I can’t wait until I am old enough to have my own family with my own thanksgiving. It will be at my house and my husband and I will cook it together and have a group of family members we like and friends. And I want it to be now, because my thanksgiving….was not what I planned it to be at all.
Bummer

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I just got this new Cd and it basically rocks. It’s like a greatest hits album of Elton John from 72-02 and it’s awesome.
Today is a pretty mellow day I am just waiting for all my residents to move out so I can do health and safety checks and then I can pack up, clean my room, and get out of here as fast as possible tomorrow.
I am so excited to be going home for more then a day or two. I want to see people but am a little nervous to call people and ask to hang out. I think maybe I will get some courage and text people. Haha
I am really not a huge fan of Thanksgiving, I don’t have a huge family my mom is British and doesn’t reeeeeally get it. And my extended family pretty much blows, and that is why they will not be joining us for dinner. So it will be my mom, dad, and lil ol’ me.
Then after dinner I will take stretchie boy for a walk and look at all the trees and how they have changed since the last time I took a walk around my neighborhood.
I can’t wait till winter break, I want to get a smaller tree for my room at home and have my friends help me decorate it. I think that would be fun.
And the fire’s my daddy makes are like no other, and the smell of my mommy cooking. And it’s the cutest thing to come down early in the morning when I smell coffee and catch my mom and dad dancing around the kitchen to some oldies music they have on in the background.
They aren’t perfect and they do fight and my dad is kinda a dumb ass and my mom is kinda a stubborn British…..person sometimes.
But there are just moments like that when I see the love they have for each other and I love them both very much, even though they have made mistakes they still love each other.
Plus they are about the cutest couple I have ever seen in my whole life.
I am a pretty lucky girl when I sit down and think about things.
That thought makes me smile

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i remember hearing that is you are sad just force yourself to smile. because soon it won't feel forced and you will actually be happy. i don't know if that it true but i think we all should try it.
Just one day everytime you are pissed off or sad or missing someone just smile and see if this saying is true.
then..get back to me about your findings. :-)

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I believe one of the hardest things in the world is to tell the truth. Not just to yourself even though many times that step is hard to make as well. But to tell someone you care for the truth about your feelings knowing it will hurt them….
But it’s best to be honest right? It’s not fair to lead people on… And just because my feelings are different, that shouldn’t mean they were true in the past.
In case people didn’t know I am an emotional roller coaster and I try very hard to control my feelings. But it seems that every time I do that I just find myself at the top of a hill at the point where you loose your breath and your stomach I about 5 feet above your head while you are falling down what you think is the steepest hill on earth.
As the years go on I realize that every new hill seems steeper then the last and so I just remind myself that it will all be okay in the end.
That cliché saying “time heals all wounds” is very true.
I never mean to hurt people. But I know I do…the words “I’m sorry” don’t seem to mean enough to make up for it though.
In the end I know I made the right choice. I don’t want to hear that in time I will realize what I mistake I made, and that later in life I will regret my decision. I have made more decisions in my life then many people realize. And I really don’t regret anything I have done. I believe if people want to make me feel bad for the choices I have made, then they were never really my friend in the first place. Or in time I will see that no one could love me as much…. No one knows how much anyone loves me except themselves.
I won’t be sorry for being happy.

Love is more than a feeling;
it's a state of mind.
- Lisa Grude –

The way to love anything
is to realize that it might be lost.
- G. K. Chesterton –

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."

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I had the most amazing night. :-)

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Today was on of those days that if I had known what was going to happen I would have just stayed in my room and gotten more accomplished.
1) my physics exam was canceled due to the fact my teacher was 30 mins late. Meaning I crammed last night for nothing.
2) I read a 10 page article about being a mommy that I thought I would have to write about and was just told what was said…so I didn’t have to actually read it.
3) I didn’t pay attention in my last class for a good 30 mins because I was trying to sign up for classes.
SOOOOOOOOOO if I had known this I wouldn’t have gone to classes finished my work I needed to do. And I wouldn’t have gotten caught in a freaking monsoon that drenched me through and through. My shoes had puddles and I squeezed water out of my hoodie, jeans, and socks.
UGH now I need to study for bio and maybe get my freaking paper started. Friday will be dedicated to writing my paper. That is final!

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