you suck. get out of here.

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Yeah, my friend actually dragged me to this 4-hour long class with her where we learn to... ummm.. i dont know, i'm been chatting and playing puzzle bobble! How someone managed to talk me out of a nap when I only had 4 hours of sleep the night before to come to another class.. is beyond me.. oh actually, i think food was promised. :)

anyway, boyfriend and i are good good peachy good again. i think no matter what happens, how frustrated we get, we just care about each other too much to let it come between. we love each other and we're way beyond that. bottomline.

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I really love my boyfriend, but sometimes love, "feelings," attraction, it just isn't enough.

I get really upset sometimes and lose my temper, but i usually end up apologizing within a couple minutes, a couple hours at MOST, and thats only happened a few times.... but he just takes it soo bad, so personal, and just can't let it go. I admit, i do say unnecessarily mean things from time to time, but i openly admit right away that it was wrong, and that it isn't true, and it was just frustration talking. But more than that what makes me so sad is that all the good times we have are overlooked by him. ... all the millions of hours we ARENT fighting mean nothing, and he even went as far as to say he doesnt even know if hes happy overall. How discouraging is that?!

After every single fight, big or small, IM the one that takes the initiative to just go up and hug him and tell him it all doesnt matter and that i love him. And last night he had the ballsacks to say that he thinks its all just words sometimes. the ballsacks!!

He makes me feel like such a loser sometimes, he says he doesnt have fun with me because i'm not "active" like i used to be. ie running, playing sports, etc. because of what happened last year. I know that eventually i'll get the confidence to be back to my old self, but i just wish you was patient and enjoy just BEING WITH ME!

He said that his problem is that I make him feel so low when I say mean things, but how many times can I apologize and tell him I don't mean it before i explode? why can't he take encouragement when i tell him how great i think he is.. He just wants to sit on his high horse and not have anything bad said about him (even when its justified).

i just think its time for him-his unrelentingly prideful self- to make his own self happy.

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Lately, I've been doing well.......... but now its all coming undone, everything I've been consciously trying to avoid i've done. this time is worse tho, i'm actually aware of the wrongness of everything.. i want to stop, and its easy to say i'll stop, but it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel like i've undone the deeds just by stopping. i want to go in reverse and try again :(

woe me

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so im graduating today! 3 hours to be exact :D

i kind of regret being yell-y at people today.. itll get better tho.. sun is already coming out. yay

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I officially dislike TGIFridays food. After not eating there for a long time, I start to forget I dislike it, but after eating there tonight, its more than official. Also, one time we ordered a Christmas drink there, and it was disgusting, it looked/tasted like sink water. yuck yuck yuck.

Anyway, I took my first final tonight. yay!

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