Today started out as a fun day then wound itself down to medicore.

Woke up at 8am to go surfing, but we decided to watch a movie first, The Endless Summer II. It had "5 year old TJ BARRON"!! how cute!! so cute!! Well it got us thinking that.. if the movie was made in 1994, and he was five then, and its 2004 now, doesnt that mean that hes .. umm15? haha, but I figure they shot the TJ footage about three years before the movie was actually released since it took awhile for those guys to surf the world, so that would make him 8 on its release, thus making him 18 now. haha. It would be so awesome to meet that kid. Anyway, that movie is cool, and inspiring in a way. So when we got to the beach it was super windy and the current seemed extremely strong. It was as though I was paddling the whole time yet seemed keep going southward. Twas weird. So then we went to get chili cheese fries but I again locked the keys in the car. After that, just came home, took a shower, and am doing "homework." I had "other plans" but they were foiled. It's okay, I'm babysitting my little sister, and i <3 her so, so its okay.

Yesterday was cool as well. We (janby and I) decorated a surfboard for Cinder and then got her some other birthday gifts. Then went to Mac Grill w/ wendi to celebrate her bday. Twas cool because the waitress lady sang to her in Italian and everything. Plus free chocolate cake. hehe. We had some "discussions" afterwards at the beach and we decided that we're moving to Hawaii after we graduate college. I so want to move there but I could never do it alone. I mean I can barely live in SD and thats only how far from here? like 3 hours. So how hard would it be for me to live in Hawaii by myself?

Other stuff is .. I was bummed because I didnt really know what I was doing with my life. But now, thanks to someone's advice, I'm just "going with the flo" I want to finish college, and if I dont get to transfer next fall , then I'll apply again the fall after that. Who cares if its gonna take me 5 years to get a bachelors, at least I'm doing it, after that I can go on to do whatever I want since Id have a degree. I'll probably get a job and just wait a little while before thinking of getting a masters. I dont know if all that is necessary tho. I dont care about making bank, I just wanna be happy, if youre happy youre set-Being happy plus trying your best to make other people's lives better.

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I'm not homesick right now..

but i was extremely homesick my first and second nights here.

I am okay now.

SCHOOL was a mess. in one word, CROWDED. Like sardines in a sardine can. I was driving around the parking lot and neighboring areas yesterday for about 2 hours and was not successful in finding a place to park my car. I missed my first class because of it as a matter of fact.

the APT. what can i say? theres one girl thats moved in here already, she lives upstairs and I havent talked to her much because I haven't seen her much. The other girl that lives here, Jennifer, works at Len's Crafters all day so I dont see her much either. I can't wait for the other roomies to move in ESPECIALLY "roomie" - my roomie. Although, I dont know how to live with someone in the same room, so that will definately be interesting.

the FOOD. I've been losing weight I think because I haven't been eating much. One, because I didn't have much appetite due to my "homesickness" and two, I dont really know how to "cook." All that I eat is stuff that's easy to make. IE. EASY mac &Cheese, Ramen, peanut butter sandwich, nectarine, apples, ice cream, tangerines and chips.

why IM EXCITED: I'm going home TOMORROW. I MADE IT BABY. so my first week of living here is coming to it's conclusion. I miss home so much because I am very much attatched to everyone there, my mom, ava, tim, and the friends of course. I like that I can be completely myself and theres just something about it.

IM SURE that I'll learn to be "myself" here and that everything will be just fine in a few weeks, after everything has settled, but right now I am just estatic about going home!!

I WORRY, tomorrow I have an interview with this psychologist lady. She just needs someone to help her move papers thru her office, organize and maybe (if I show initiative) help with certain projects. I WORRY, but I tell myself not to. If I dont get this job its fine because I have other jobs I'm persuing,and I'll never have to see her again, but then, I WORRY that I'll make a fool out of myself. anyway..

I KNOW ILL BE OKAY

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so it's Friday night and I'm leaving Sunday morning. SO that means only one day left in this house. Sure I'll be back all the time, so the separation is gradual. The first week, I'm coming home on Thursday, after my last class. Then the week after that my friends are coming to spend most of the week at the apt with me. After that I'll have another week by myself , and then Wendi moves in. So im set!

I guess theres good stuff, stuff that I'm excited about in SD. SChool, a new environment, two new jobs, La Jolla, cooking for myself, being on my own, and new things.

Then theres the sad stuff of course, leaving the house, the family, being away from the "comfort zone".

But in the end It'll be okay because I've gotta move out sometime, might as well start now . Most people don't care that they're leaving, or are completely glad about it. Sometimes I wish I were like that. But instead I have anxiety inside. I dont know why. I hate the feeling and so I just tell myself not to feel that way. It's easier said than done.

So now I'm packing.

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"I dont think anyone is having as much fun as we are right now"
-rinasab @ 10:10
-cinder block @ 10:45
-janice boy @ 10:46

A good word to sum up the SD trip yesterday was exhilerating.
So Janiceboy and Cinder came around 8am, on time as usual, but i wasnt ready till around 8:30 and we left at almost 9. Stopped in Irvine and then straight do SD. Placements tests suck. Anyway, we went to the beach after, La Jolla Shores, there were soo many people, it was hard to find a place to park the car and a then place to park ourselves on the beach.

THE BEACH
I originally wanted to go the the beach because I <3 beaches and also because I wanted to surf. When we first got there I just watched wavesets to see how big they were. They were bigger than any of the ones I've ever encountered, not very big, but big for me. In addition, there were lots of experienced surfers out there so of course I was intimidated. I tried to paddle out past the breaking waves but I got knocked over, so I situatated myself in a place very close to shore. The waves were smaller but they still beat me around. It was okay tho, overall I caught maybe.. umm 7 waves (I was out there for a long time) and out of those seven, I actually rode maybe 4 or 5. The other two walked around and took pics of each other. hahah, oh and of me, i shall post them later. ALSO there were many surfer kudas. They make me smizzle .

THE MALL
Went back to the apt, took a shower then hit Fashion Valley. That place was interesting. Walked around for a couple hours without buying anything, crazy. Then as we were walking back to the food court Cinder humilated herself by taking about her bodily functions very loudly. Do you still see the look onhis face? hehe its ok, he's over it.

THE ROADTRIP BACK HOME
That was one of the funnest parts. Lots of laughs followed by a very enlightening discussion. "It's time for a more mature look" hehe

home sweet home at about 12:30am


Cinder and I have decided to change things up for Jaby. Like her hair and clothes. haha, we just want to expand her horizons, hehe. Anyway I think I need a spiritual make over. Theres a lot of things I dont like about my attitude and the way I am.

So first of all, absolutely NO MORE LYING ABOUT ANYTHING, sometimes I'll lie about the littlest things, and later when I think about it, I wonder.. why? or sometimes I'll know why I lied but I'll wish I just took the consequces of whatever I did instead of lying. I think owning up to your mistakes and taking responsibility for it builds character.

next thing is being ORGANIZED, RESPONSIBLE and HARD WORKING. This has been a goal of mine ever since I can remember. It's long overdue. If I was organized and NON LAZY then I would do so much better in school, work, life, and just so many things. Being lazy is sucha a waste.

Also, i think i should be more CONSIDERATE/ACTIVE. Caring is good. Doing something is better. I want to do something to make other to make other people's lives better, not just the poverty, but also my friends and family.

I know I can only do all this if I put God first in my life, so thats my last and most important goal.

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SARS left today. I was sad, I must admit, but I was okay overall. It sucked last night tho, because there was this sad feeling about me. I hated that SARS was leaving, that school is starting soon, that I only have ONE week left, that summer is ending, but most of all I'm apprehensive about moving out, its weird because I didnt live with my mom for a couple of years and now I cant imagine not living here.

I like how my life is right now. No school, no work, no worries and just being at home with ava-clingy and pleather, and going out with friends. But thats not what life's about. I guess I should appreciate that I have this time and enjoy it instead of worrying about whats going to happen.

after the airport today I went home, took a nap and then went with my mom and ava to a baby birthday party. There was this guy there there that is getting married and his wedding invite has a surfer boy and girl. twas super cute, once they are married they are going to puerto rico to open a surf shop. sounds like so much fun.

we have a plan for this week:
monday - accompany cheese to do errands and then ???
tuesday - something free and local, like the beach or park
wednesday - SD to take test, go surfing/beach, go shopping
thursday - SB
friday - SD again for me, but this time with the familia

Oh yeah, my last official day at CPK was last Saturday the 7th of August. I would describe the feeling at bittersweet because it was a happy feeling mixed in with sadness. I know when I look back on it in a few years I wont remember how sore my feet got whenever I worked doubles, or how some customers made you feel like dirt, I'll just remember the smiles of happy customers and the friendships and kindness of my coworkers and all the laughs we shared in between.

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tonight is one of those exciting nights where its like your gonna do something super fun early the next morning.

i got a stomach ache after dinner tonight because we were laughing so much. we were impersonating each other and other people in the family. twas great. oh yeah, and rene zelleweger, her pout thing. and how SARS has super slow respond, like if you ask her something shell stare at you for 5 seconds before her face forms some kind of reaction. its funny and true.

well, for SARS bday we went to get cake, mango cake to be exact and then just ate out, and went to chinatown amongst other places. I noticed that mother dearest drives ever so slowly.

theres nothing much else to say. everyone is leaving, well wendi is leaving for scotland, janice is in hawaii, cindy is recovering from "surgery". I have a feeling she'll need a "session" soon-thats it.

if i sleep now ill get 2 hours and 45mins of sleep.

sleep i love, yo!

oh yeah im back online in my own computer again!
i can post pics from my camera, but its late now, or early..

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