tuesday-mall w/ wendi, work from 4-9, organize room
wednesday-ROOMIE's BDAY!! class from 2-4:40
thursday-grocery shopping, surfing
friday-show at soma, hopefully jaby and cindy can come w/us
saturday-work, go to irvine for the night
sunday-go back to sd sd

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heres my goals for this week

1. get job applications
2. find possible organizations for volunteering
3. study excel
4. possibly go to group interview on thursday

in good news: a got a job! its only about 5 hours a week + help whenever they need help on "projects" so i want to get another job.

in bad news: i have to start this saturday.. or do i?

i think im still in summer mode because my friends havent started school yet, its dumb because they are on summer vacation and not me, yet i still act and feel like i am in summer vacation. i dropped many of my classes, so im trying to work a lot to make up for it.. im hoping that my lack of classes will rejuvenate me and i will have this unbelieveable desire to study next semester, thats what im hoping, but its doesnt look likely, im thinking of getting an AA. oh yeah, im staying in college, non of that "i dont need a college degree" crap anymore, but who knows ill probably change my mind again tomorrow, or in an hour.

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HIG HAG

so i left SD on thursday and went to annabelle's grandfather's viewing. I thought it was going to be a sad event, since death usually is, but I was surprised to see everyone in the viewing room in such good spirits. There was another viewing earlier which was intense so this was more like a celebration of his life, I would say. The place was nice, it was big white, with a park-looking cemetary in the back complete with a "mozollia" i dont know how to spell that. As I walk thru the door into the building Annabee is sitting there. how awesome! and it was at the exact moment she was thinking of taking a break from her hW. So I met a couple of the cousins including some Ive seen before (ie alvin!), we eat a little and then they show me around the cemetary and "mozollia". I assumed the "mozollia" was a refridgerator-like place where the stored the dead bodies until they were ready for burial. so i had to ask "can we pull them out?" (the answer was "no." why am i so interested in dead bodies? i do not know..) ACTUALLY it is where they put people into the wall, with the deceased's name on a plaque. The whole garden cemetary and "mozollia" was decorated with mosaics and statues, very nice I would say. and inside the "mozollia" building was sad music playing and the smell of corpses? I cant be sure.

Back in the building there was this random kid walking by and annabelle goes. "hey are you from hawaii??" and the kids like.. "no, im from anaheim." hahah. Ok, annabelle was thinking it was one of her relatives from Hawaii so that was funny. The kids name was Edwin and he ended up playing cards with us and exchanging "ghost stories" Also as we were sitting there whiffs of rotting corpses would pass us by every now and again, it made me nervous.. but overall it was a fun night I would say since I got to ssee annabee and jonjon. I miss you guys already .and I am sorry for your loss .

Ok and today cindy and janice came to my house. cool huh? i didnt think they would show. haha. thanks guys. OH ! and they delivered me el ranchero taco. IT WAS THE BEST! THANK YOU. it totally made my day

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why oh why do i get so homesick whenever i get here? its like all i wanna do is go home, and whats wrong with me? its only TWO nights that im gonna be here, yet i still feel like this. i miss my mom.

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I'm leaving you again, Vta county, tomorrow, bright and early, but this time I shall only be gone for TWO nights =D.

And it WILL be okay, because mis amigas might be coming with me, maybe, HOPEFULLY. I HOPE SO!

so heres some stuff i have to do before i leave..
finish reading intro
skim thru writer's reference
read haunted america
QSR on Haunted America
prepare for interview (still not sure how)
pack other things i left

Stuff to do in SD
interview (wed)
pick up applications
go to class & do hw.

random things to do:
look for alt. careers. =)

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Today was tough.

I sometimes get sad knowing I'll never be "great" at anything that requires talent (ie surfing), pro level I mean. My time has passed, I'm 19, and I'm not a kid anymore. But why do I even think about that stuff, its not like it really matters. It just seems like all this college stuff is so mainstream, I know it'll give me great opportunity in the future and everything, but it just seems like its been done and done again. I admire the all the professional buisness people out there but I just cant see myself in it. I cant see myself sitting in an office, or being in a buisness suit, or caring about anything related to that, I cant even see myself in college anymore. Its sad, I feel confused and I really dont know what I want to do with myself. Friends, people, tell me to take it one semester at a time. I just want to prove to all these people that college is overrated, that you can become something without "college" but what exactly, I dont know. I want to explore other options.

Sometimes when Im out in the ocean, not even out too far, I look back to shore and everything looks so small, its amazing, its like taking a step back and looking at the world. I love being out there, when Im not catching waves (which is like 99% of the time) I just enjoy being in the ocean. It just gives my an appreciation for nature, God and all its wonders. It satisfies my soul.

Also, I know people care about me but I wish sometimes they would show it in a flamboyant way. Like I just want someone to throw their arms around me and say "hey, youre awesome!" then id say "hey thanks buddy!!" ..I ask for a lot, i know.

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