i guess its true-that tomorrow is another day. and im so glad yesterday is over. i feel.. so much better. i woke up, cleaned my room, did the dishes and hmm i guess ill take a shower now, buy my uniform and go to training..

oh and rj called me last night, cuz i told him how much my day sucked, and well.. hes kinda immature and naive about stuff, but it was so nice the way he cared so much. so thanks!

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maybe i just feel stressed-
its the last week before everyone leaves and im all alone, a part of me just wants everyone to go and get this next year of my life over it. theres nothing im looking forward to. i'll be some loner-but thats okay.. i dont talk to anyone at all in college and no one talks to me.. well i have met some people, but i wouldnt call them friends. whatever happened to my friends that are still in high school? i guess i dont have any.. friends from high school would call me, or talk to me, at least online.. without me having to IM them first and then constantly try to make conversation while they just give me these one word answers.. -tired of caring.

a part of me wishes i was going to riverside or fullerton, another part wishes i had applied more schools.. more than 3.. and for the most part i just wants everything to be ok.. happiness is too much to hope for right now.. im stuck

is it so bad that when i say "yeah its alright.. just forget about it" i dont really mean it? i mean how am i supposed to tell the truth? how would you feel hearing.. "no it really hurt" -it makes you seem petty and childish .. esp. if whatever they did isnt a big deal to them, but was to you. and sometimes you wish they knew how much they disappointed you.. but you cant tell them, and instead you hold it in. and it just reminds you of how insignificant you are to them. that really sucks.

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if its gone, then let it go..

i screwed up today

i set my alarm for 4am so i could wake up and do my my take home test, but i failed to wake up as usual. i should never trust myself to wake up early. so, i ended up waking up at 7:15 which is not good since my first class starts at 7:30 - so i just said screw it, and took a shower and did my test then. it sucks cuz today was the demo in my photography class and now that i missed it im gonna have to find someone to show me how to do it and take a proficiency test. the rest of my classes were ok. also, cathy finally called me and i sounded like a complete idiot when i talked to her on the phone.. s i g h

i just keep telling myself that its ok. that i can still pull off getting 'straight A's' this semester (something i never accomplished in high school) and that i can still get that job. ..(and if not, theres other jobs) so yeah, posisitve attitude all the way.. well not positive, but hopeful.. is it hopeful or wishful? its like a solemn hopeful/wishful feeling..

theres just a lot of possible/potential disappointments pending within these next few weeks..

but im gonna be ok.. right?

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We continued to turn and climb, turn and climb-so many curves you could not tell what lay ahead beyond yet another bend. Until finally we came out of the wind and the clouds entirely. And we all gasped out loud-the surprise of it-then sighed. Because where we now were was like a place you read about only in a story-the blue heavens above, the white clouds beneath, all the problems of the world forgotten.

-Amy Tan, The Kitchen God's Wife

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so i went to another interview again today. it was actually the first, the one last wednesday was a pre-screening.. and so now i have three more interviews to go, the next one is to be sometime next week after wednesday.. wow this is a really really long process and after passing all four interviews you need to go thru massive training, but i think you get paid during the training, anyhow, this whole interview this is making me anxious. i just wanna get it all over with.. sigh, im losing strength..

well afterwards, i went to cinder's house and waited for jaby, matt came with don and it was cool seeing him again. hmm then we went to the mall, movies (but didnt see a movie), ect. we ended up at starbucks and realized we take a very very long time to do things. and also, wherever we go, we always manage to have fun, cuz its not where go that matters, its the company.. that was so CHEESY.. haha COCKA-DOODLE-DOO!!

oh yeah! i got a cool megaphone/telescope. you can have one too! ask me for details..

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oh twas sucha cool day mainly cuz i knew people were in school and i wasnt, didnt need to be .. =D anyhow, i wrote about it on vexthis, so theres no point writing about it again. oh yeah at the outlets, i

so after the outlets, when we were pulling into the school parking lot, it was weird. like i was seeing the school, but from a new perspective, then i saw the massive crowd of students i'd never know, but it didnt feel like anything at all. i had this ecstatic feeling inside me knowing id never have to go there again. its just so great! maybe i disliked going to school cuz it was .. well boring, school was always too structured in the sense that everyday, youd have to wake up early, and do the same thing over and over for five days in a row. It just became so rountine and monotonous. college is better cuz they dont care if you come to class, where you sit, if your chewing gum. its just refreshing.. but it is understandble why they'd have those rules at school. its just that high school was so anal about EVERYTHING and thats why im glad to be out of there.

and then we went to say hi to some high schoolers, sometimes its weird.. like feeling unwelcomed and unwanted, like your a stranger to somewhere you thought you'd always be welcome. but one person did make things better, maybe two. so thanks you two. -you have no idea how far a little kindness can go.

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