I dont know why, well I kinda do, but I'm dying to get out of here, out of San Deigo, out of Ventura, out of California, its definately time for a change of venue. Lets see.. not counting the rest of this week.. I have 6 more weeks to go.. my, thats a long time, hope it goes by painlessly..

I really really want to move to Hawaii sometime soon, by soon I mean next couple of years.. 2-3? I dont know.. does anyone really think i will? well, for sure i'd be insanely homesick for a good whole month, then, I think I'll be okay..

I think part of my problem is that I cant stay in one place for too long, well I never have, I wonder if i would like it..

My life feels unsettled right now.. I think I need a "session"

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so i think i need a spiritual make over, no seriously, its not funny. I always tell people that i think Christianity is a way of life, not just going to church on Sundays, following certain dogmas and saying you are religous. I dont think I've been Christian AT ALL for the past few years, except praying when times were difficult, does that even count? anyone would do that.. Christianity has been like a light switch I turn on and off, off to conceal my dark ventures which i want no one to see and on when i'm in the mood. It's been a week, failing struggle to keep it on. so it's definately time to change all that and I'm gonna make an effort:

give up the chase completely

definately stay abstinate till i'm married

no more lying /cheating

give everything into what i'm doing
"Whatever you do, do heartily as for the Lord rather than for men.. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve." --Colossians 3:23-24

always put God first in the decisions I make
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." --Matthew 6:33.

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"In uncertainty I am certain that underneath their topsoil layers of failty, men want to be good and want to be loved. Indeed, most of their vices are attempted short cuts to love. When a man comes to die, no matter what his talents and influnce and genius, if he dies unloved his life must be a failure to him and his dying a cold horror. It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure to the world.

We have only one story. All novels, all poetry are build on the neverending contest in oursevles of good and evil. And it occurs to me that evil must constantly respawn, while good, while virtue, is immortal. Vice has always a new fresh young face, while virtue is venerable as nothing else in the world is."


-east of eden
john steinbeck

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i didnt know it was in the elevator and then janice told me i was stepping on a butter fly, i looked down and lo and behold i was! i screamed, like twice when i saw it. half of it was flattened out and the other half was popping up. Twas a beautiful butterfly.

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went to utc today and ate soo much, soo uncomfortably full, so we made mac and cheese! haha, i dont think i can eat it for a little while.. hmm..

i gotta go home again to pack all my belongings.. moving sucks!

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