Friday. 10.23.04 10:46 pm
I told myself I
wasn't going to cry. I didn't cry during the prayer or anything. I just had my head down most of the time, but once the prayer ended and they were letting everyone go see Joel in his casket I started getting
nervous. I walked with Phillip and as soon as we got halfway down the aisle I was getting
scared and I started to tear up. Each step closer I squeezed the life out of Phillip's hand, not even kidding. There was like 4 people ahead of us and that's when I couldn't help it. The tears just kept on coming and like honetly just remembering seeing Joel in his casket makes me
cry as of now. I had my head down and the first thing I saw was the
rosary in his hands, that's when I looked at his face. He looked so
calm and
peaceful as if he was just
sleeping. Fuck. I can't believe he's
gone. I know I wasn't all that close with him, but dude I miss him already. Just seeing him lay there.. i'm
speechless. All it brings is just tears to my eyes. After I gave Jeremi and Juni a hug and I was just crying, up until we were already outside. It
hurts that someone as
wonderful as Joel had to simply
give up. Everyone loved him and he was always a
positive person and his friends are lucky they had a friend like him. And now he's watching over everyone as of now. =]
God Bless you Joel and the Rafael Family. <3
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Tuesday. 10.19.04 9:44 pm
R.I.P.
Joel
Rafael *08/15/86 -10/18/04
It was a tragic way to die. I still can't believe you're actually gone and did this to yourself. I know we weren't close, but you leaving was a big reality check for me. You made me think of how much I take things for granted and any of it could be gone in an instant. I should've realized it on my own, but something horrible like this had to happen. I know you'll be happy where you are. Your friends and family miss you a lot. Things won't be the same, but I know you would want everyone to move on. You'll never be really gone until you're actually forgotten, but it won't happen because we'll all keep you close to our hearts.
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