Today has been CHILL.


Cleaning and whatnot. Getting new shutters for most of the windows in the house, I think?


As of right now, I'm trying to think of ways to keep the walls in my room from being so humdrum and yet, not so disarray.


So basically I'm just giving myself some alone time at home. It's not so boring. It's kind of refreshing. I really just needed this time.


I need a haircut. ):


Tomorrow, Joshy's coming!! That means, babysitting time. I get to hang out with my godson. Yay, a baby in the house. So that's something to look forward to. Kind of.


I should be getting some rest soon anyways. 7AM baby's here, 8:30AM taking cousin to work, 2PM new shutters, and plus I need to return DVD's to Blockbuster and stop by school to see how much my books cost and maybe even find my classes.


Good night.

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Ever feel like you just don't deserve anything?

You don't deserve the people in your life, the things you own, just EVERYTHING.

You just feel like you should just disappear because in turn, you feel like it will make everything better?


yeah, well I do right now.


I am constantly battling with not letting myself down. Not letting the bad things get to you, because you know what?..

"Pain is something you just have to fight through, because the truth is that you can't outrun it and life always makes more."


I feel like I just need to isolate myself. I don't know what else to do? I know I have my friends to turn to, but I really feel like I should do this on my own. I'm not the type that will just let it out, I'm a private person. And not that I don't want to be open and with that enable you to judge me and my circumstances, but because I just find it hard in general to be open with anyone (including family).


I'm used to just pretending nothing's wrong with me, when I'm around people. When really, I'm slowly just collapsing inside. The world doesn't just revolve around me. I mean, it's NOT all about me. So I'm not going to make it all about me. Why burden other people with MY troubles. I was raised to just DEAL with it.. myself.. in my own time. And this is one way I cope with it. I write it out here, because everything is easier said when it's written down. With that said, I learned to rely on no one but myself and that made me somewhat headstrong.


Let me mope around. I'm allowed to mope once in a while! So don't take it that I'm pushing you away..

What's the next step from here? Honestly, I really don't know.

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