Sunday. 10.23.05 8:21 pm
I wish I could update everyday. I'm always so damn lazy
Well this weekend jimLAME
spent the night, but it wasn't planned. She also lent me her small guitar so I could practice and stuff on. I kinda wish I had my own guitar now. I keep asking my dad and he's willing to buy me one. Ah.. does that make me spoiled
? /= I mean I'm 18
and I don't
have a job. All my parents want me to do is go to school and get decent grades, but when I get into an argument with them they tell me how they buy all my stuff and say I should get a job and throw it all in my face, when they don't want me to get one in the first place? It's weird. I don't know.
Aaaaanyway, there is a Copeland
, Spill Canvas
show in Hollywood
tonight. The one I've been wanting to go in forever, but NO
. I'm here at home. Why you might ask? Well, there was no one to go with.. that DRIVES
at least. The people that can go, can't because they have to rely on me to drive. So why couldn't I just drive? Hollywood, about an hour away. Parents don't think I should be driving that far, but what they don't know is that I already have. Like I said, I'm 18. For some reason they don't think I'm capable of driving such distance. I'm old enough right? Maaaan. I swear I regret not going away for college, but staying home has a FEW
So yeah, I'm going to get back to practicing
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Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wednesday. 10.12.05 11:28 pm
So finally, another update. I kinda have a lot
on my mind, so this is going to be long
A part of me says I should keep this entry private
, but another part just wants me to be open
[to whoever that reads this].
I've been missing
a lot of my classes lately. I feel guilty
everytime, you think I'd learn from that sooner or later. And once again my procrastination has gone to an ultimate high. Does anyone have a cure for procrastination
Practice with the drill girls have been cool. I'm excited to perform for Homecoming
, but then I'm not. I'm not even in high school anymore, but it's a good alumni thing
As for today, I actually went to my math class. Afterwards I went home and did my chores and headed to CI for practice. Kids these days
. I swear, they're all having sex. I don't think anyone practices abstinence
nowadays.I got some bad news today
. I was going home with my friend Glacy to get my stuff for my sociology class. Then I walk inside to say HI to my parents. My mom's face was reddish, you could tell she cried. Then my mom says, "I have bad news," and she goes "your cousin died." And in my head I thought oh my cousin Chino from the Philippines because he's suffering from cancer and from what my mom told me, he doesn't have much time to live. I've never met him before in my life, so I find it hard to be sad. I know it's family, but if he were never to get sick.. I probably never would've heard of him? But that's beside the point. It wasn't
my cousin Chino. It was my cousin Badji in the Philippines. When my mom said his name, I was in complete awe
. How random is that? I would've never thought it'd be him. I just stood there with my jaw open and the first words that came out of my mouth were "How? Why?" My mom told me that he got shot
in the head. Then I had a ton of questions.. like, "Who did it? Why? When?" So my mom tells me that someone shot him in the head and they don't know who it is, or why. They just found his body leaned over his motorcycle and his brains and blood all over the place. It's so hard to even type this, let alone think about it. I can't help but cry.. it hasn't hit me till now. As I was leaving for class, I told myself I wouldn't let it get to me, that I won't think about it, and that I know it's going to get to me later on.. and now it has
I ended up not going to class and watched Waiting
with Jimlyn, Stephanie and Glacy. I have to admit it's a funny movie. Now that I think about it, how could I have had a good time when I know my cousin died
? It kinda hurts. I know I never spent everyday with him, but everytime I visited the Philippines he was always there for me. He's a good person. He's married and has a son who's probably around 10 years old. He's only in his mid 30's. He's too young to die. Just thinking about it hurts a lot. Why do bad things happen to such good people?
.. and why did this have to happen to him? There's probably more to the story I have yet to find out. It's really saddening. If it can happen to him, it can happen to anyone
. I wish I were there in the Philippines to be with them. I hope my family over there is okay. Imagine finding him dead? I think I'd be traumatized
for life. I'm not sure who found him. I guess I'll just have to talk to my parents. This sucks. I have so many thoughts running through my mind. I'm about to have a mental breakdown
. All I find myself saying/asking is "WHY
?" I have so many other things to say, but I'll just leave this as is for now..
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