I walked out of my class and as I was on my way next door I could smell the stench from there. As we entered the door i almost fell flat on my face as it hit me ten times harder..... the stench of a kadaver.... what is a kadaver you might ask.... well this one died in their sixties, donated their body to science, skinned, chest was cut open and folded down, and the top of the head was sawed off. It was like as soon as i stepped throught the door I walked right into a horror movie. As we saw and learned about the organs of a human body I thought to my self hmm... I wonder if its male or female, and my question was vulgarly answered when the professor folded the chest cavity back up and i caught a glimpse of her privates, hair in tact..... whoa! i thought, thats not something i ever expected in my biology class.... tendon manipulation produced movement in her hands and fingers.... Her body looked like beef jerky, in which i will never be able to even look at again..... when the professor turned her over we saw her brain and spinal cord..... and all i could think was....... i need to take a shower....

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well to be exact i've got 41 dolla's and 37 cents..... thats it... thats all i have left.... and im lucky i have that.... but i wont be like that for long though..... went to a second interview at macy's and i got the job....... or at least i think i did.... they said that i did well on the floor and that the GM really liked me and so did the other manager so im really excited... YAY!!!! o and side note i think i met the guy thats going to be my next boyfriend..... but im trying not to think about it too much........

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ok so i have been thinking a lot lately about sex......... (it doesnt help that thats what im studying about right now in biology)...... no but really.... I was thinking about all the factors besides the pleasure that come out of it and im like WOW.... and not in a good way either...... Cause besides the usual fears of STD's and Preg's there is so much more attached to it..... for instance a personaly connection..... WHAT?!? EXPLAIN YOURSELF....... ok lemme ask you something, do you remember who your first was..... Do you remember what they looked like..... How it went down...... How old you were...... What about how good it was...... What about your second..... or your third..... (asuming they exist)........ I do... and unless you have no conscience at all, or a high level of tixicity in your blood all the time, you probably do too. and why.... I mean i dont remember everyone i talk with, or kiss, or even date, but i remember everyone i've had sex with.... (and no im not a hoe) why?? I really think its because you are putting yourself on a personal level with them.... I mean you completly open up to volnuralbility (at least in the physical sense)...... Lets face it....we are getting extremely personal with eachother...... OK STEPHANIE DUH!!! WE ALREADY KNOW THAT..... ok well my point is.... fuck buddies.... you know friends with benefits..... what then..... if your getting so personal with a few people and then you find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with... what then..... wouldn't that affect something.... and what happens... god forbid.... if the one wasn't as good as your former fuck buddy..... then you might be opted to cheat..... and that is definately not good.... not good at all...... look im not against sex.... in fact last night i..... well nevermind.... all im saying is im not sure if people think about this part.... and to me anyways its just as important as stds and pregs...... you know....

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great in the aspect that you dont have any bills.....

Ok so last night I was laying in bed about ready to pass out when my best friend came in out of nowhere...... She said that she went home after work, which was like 11:30 and she was trying to get in the house and when she finally did her mom yelled at her for coming home so late and waking everyone up.......Then she told her to go find another place to stay for the night....... how messed up is that....But then she proceeded to tell me how her mom is charging her another hundred out of her next check..... Thats 3 times in one month...... when they had said before it was only going to be one hundred a month..... So when she come over last night she was in tears and i told her to just stay with me...... so today we asked my parents and they were like yeah thats fine..... And when she asked them how much rent they would want they said dont worry about it you need to save to get into that apartment you guys are going to get into...... WOW!!!! I love my parents..... my mom knows what its like to have to get everything for yourself....and thats why she is so nice about stuff like that.....

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Ok so last night I was getting ready to go play pool when my dad walks in and was all complaining about how i made an 86% on my last test and that i needed to stay home and study..... and i told him that I had been studying all week.... and that i was confident but he just didnt want to take anything for an answer..... so he got all mad last night because i was going out..... and his exact comment was "we'll see where your priorities lie with this next test!!!!" and i was like yeah we will...... so today i took that damn test and guess what not only did I get 110 on it... (and no that is not a typo i really did get 10% extra credit) but I also got the highest score on the test out of everyone in the class..... so when i got home and i told him.... drunk as he is, he got up and apologized and i was just like whatever.......

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So I went to see the College Counselor yesterday after my re visit to sex ed (*side note* No joke we watched a video about sperm and eggs and how they're made etc. I felt as if I was back in Highschool again......) and I talked to her about what i needed to do to get into cal poly to eventually become an architect seeing thats what i want to do..... I have never felt the weight of the world on my shoulders like that ever before..... I left so discouraged cause its so much work and so much time..... But as I was driving home I hit a brick wall.... NO NOT LITERALLY.... but it was like something said to me.... "how bad do you want it?" Ok so heres how the conversation in my head went as best as I remember....

_How bad do you want it?
-I mean i want it but...
_No butts, How bad do you want it?
- I want it really bad i mean its one of my life goals...
_Then go after it, fight for it
-But its so much work and so time consuming
_Who cares! Life is all about decisions about giving something up in order to get something you want..... If your not willing to fight for it, then you cant have it!


at that point i realized i was talking to myself and anyone who saw me as I was driving by had to of thought i was absolutely insane!!! or singing... You know everyone always say that you should take your own advice..... Well i think for once im finally doing that.... Its not going to be easy though. But if it was, would it be worth it???

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