ok so last night i played piano and like i thought i sucked but everyone else told me i did good.....but i think they were just being....nice........i thought i sucked....... anyways i went out and kicked it till like 7 in tha morning....... and i realized something last night...well actually it was this morning..... I like tha hood...... lemme explain.... ive partied at with rich people (they are too stuck up for my taste), ive partied the christian way (very um......blah zay), ive partied at college parties (too many horny toads), ive partied at clubs (too many ugly horny toads), and ive partied at my own house (fun but i hate cleaning up)! But there is nothing like a hood party cause you are always amused.....always...... and i actually have a natural smile on my face right now..... like im really happy. and im not under any influences..... i just hella like the hood....and i know why too..... cause i can just kick it and as long as im respectful i dont really have that much to worry about.....cause i know hella people that got my back if shit pops off.... but really ive got some hella cool ass friends that when you just sit and get to know them, no they dont have no money and yes they'll ask you for a ride, and yeah they'll ask you to buy them somethin, but they got your back in any situation and they're real..... they dont have to fake who they are..... and thats like the best ever cause you know who gots your back and who doesn't...... but more than that...... they are hella funny to watch when they are lit......anyways.....im outtie i got stuff i gotta do like take a shower cause i just woke up and its like 5:30pm..... haha i love the summertime.....

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so today was my last day in my summer school class...... biology..... and i got a hundred on my final!!!!! can you believe that a hundred....... im like YAY!!!!... so anyways i passed this class with flying colors and currently have a 4.0 im totally excited.....but on the flip side I have a full 16 units coming this next fall, 3 of which ar architecture courses...... wow.....lots of work for me to keep that 4.0 i guess... well ok the real reason im writing this is because a really hot friend of mine randomly text me today asking me...... well ok heres how it went:
-=him _=me
-When are we going to mate its mating season
_um wat about right now (i thought he was playing)
(15 minutes later)_what no answer?!? Your scared arent you
-no, i was busy
_o sorry i was just playing
-i wasn't
_huh? about what?
-about wat i asked you
_uh..... k
-so, when?
_um, idk, dont you have a girlfriend you can do that with.
-yeah but she's not playing her role
_thats hella messed up...... what do you mean?
-we had sex like twice and she decided she wasnt going to do it anymore cause she promised herself she wouldnt until she got married....
_um.......wow that sux
-yeah so, when?
_uh, IDK, ive never jus fuked sum1 unless i was drunk
-so thats the plan ill get you drunk.....and thats when.... how about tonight
_k, problem... i dont drink anymore
-yeah whatever we'll see......

ok so what do you say to that cause i dont really like two facts:
1. he just wants to fuck its not gonna b a relationship
2. he already is in a relationship.....
what do you say....i mean i still wanna b friends but damn.....IDK

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Ok so like i went to the band practice last night and when i got home i felt so inadequate. and heres why: SO i was thinking that this whole band thing was going to be a little more permanent... and well i was totally wrong. as it turns out i am a fill in for the regular pianist cause she cant be there this friday. And that i am totally fine with cause i dont really like to play for people anyways cause i hate showing off and i feel like im showing off...... although to be completely honest i was a little let down but it wasnt really that bad....... what made me feel inadequate was that the regular pianist was there last night and she was playing with them and she was like God re-incarnate as a pianist...... I mean i first i was awed...... and then i saw what i wasn't, and then i saw what i could be........but then i realized how much work that was going to be and how i dont really have anyone to show me how to play that i just kinda teach myself......which i guess is a great accomplishment that im even filling in for her...... but I had to play like right after she played and i like really did not want to cause im NOWHERE near her level...... ugh so i practiced all day today....I have a final tomorrow and all i could think about is how i suck at the piano and i need to get better cause im playing in front of people on friday......2 days....AGH!!!!!!! NOTE: i used to just deal with this by drinking my fears away but since ive decided not to do that anymore i think im starting to go a little crazy....OMG i gotta go practice...typing isnt helping me get better.......blah......

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Ok so i've been doing a lot of thinking and well ive kinda decided on something..... well today is tuesday..... the first day for me to go practice with this band that i recently got pulled into and like im totally excited especially cause i never thought i was good wnough to be on a worship team or anything like that, and the fact that they are a traveling worship team is hella cool cause i like to travel and take road trips, its soooo much fun... but then like on sunday i really started thinking about hella crap, (note: drinking does not hinder your ability to think, it just hinders your ability to make good choices, you, if your like me, actually cant stop thinking about things.....) and the fact that im gonna be a part of this worship team is huge, especially when it comes to drinking. I mean i HATE hypocrites and i refuse to be one. So I 've decided that if im gonna be in a worship band that im actually going to be christian and not just say that im going to be it. which means no more getting drunk...... but you know what, given my family history im totally cool with that.....totally.... but i guess this means im going straight-edge now though huh!!!!! wow this is going to be hard...

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if someone handed you money would you take it........ Duh! ok so the reason i say this is cause i met this guy that works at AM/PM and OMG i got phat hookups from him, and its all because im a female, and hes a male..... yadadi mean...... NEWAYZ for my phone number, just the number, i got a 6 pack of mikes, a 12 pack of bud, a 20 pack of bud, a monster, some coffee, and some gum, some CD's andand some movies...... all for just my phone number....... da-da-da-da-da im loving it........ so again i ask...... if someone was handing you money would you take it???

update........................................................................................
last night i went back to the store and i got two twelve packs of corona, a twelve pack of heineken, a 6 pack of triple black, and a 40 of mikes...... and some gum..... see what I mean about taking money thats handed to me....

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Hmmm.... ive decided to put this entry in story form..... but it is true:

Service was over and paco and jordan were still playing guitar and drums..... and all i wanted to do was hop on the piano. so i sat there waiting and watching anxious to get on and get lost. after they finally left i got on, thinking everyone was gone i slowly pulled back and off the cover. 'hello friend' i thought as i sat down on the bench and brought my fingers to the keys. a fimiliar place where i lose sight of my problems and focus only on Him. So i start to play. and I close my eyes. I finish my song and slowly move into the next when i hear a voice say..... "I didn't know you play piano". I jump a little but i play it off "I tried to play earlier but you wouldnt tell me the chords.." it was paco, another youth leader. "so what do you do on tuesdays at like 7:30?" he asked. "Um nothing" i responded, "You should come here so you could practice with us"he said....... stunned but intriged i said "k". So it turns out that he is part of a traveling worship band..... really cool and excited.... but then i realized that id have to play in front of people........ scary....

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