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2014
pRoFiLe!


ruiyan
Age. 30
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. AzN
Location , Australia
School. Other
» More info.
2010
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sHouT BoX
OMG... I must be dead...
by sirpaulmccartneyfan
I haven*t been on here since forever....
Hi Ravennah!
by Zanzibar

by randomjunk
Hey! I*m doing well at the moment, how are you?
Wow.... Been a while
by Ravennah
since I*ve been on here. How the heck are ya?

by randomjunk
Haha, I keep meaning to write a post...
You should all update to give me
by Zanzibar
something to read

by bauhaus
Hello
eek
by AmbyrJayde
I thought you were all gone :o But then it all came back

by undisputed
o.o;
Thank the heavens
by dannixfresh
Nutang is still around! I thought I lost you guys

by
thoughts
Thursday. 1.10.08 1:04 pm
ah, its so hot today, and someone had forgotten to wake me up mm well, i woke up and saw a sweet little message on my phone... hmmm not such a bad start to the day, EXCEPT THE HOTNESS ...

it hasnt rained for the past ages, i want it to rain!!!

ok, my last entry was ummmm... ages ago..... oh well, so we GOT our results [finally] ... not knowing what may happen this year still... but i guess the future is a tad more clearer... at least theres a rough idea of what is ahead of us... i cant wait till my course starts, but then again... what will happen when it all starts? it all somewhat seems like a whole new novel being written... a whole new setting is introduced, time place people ... what effect will that have? we're all busy again? hmmmm... is that a good or bad thing? where will i be?

ah yes! for those who have been bored enough to read my entry till this paragraph, does anyone have any suggestions as to how to persuade your mum to let you move out? ... errr... to your bf's place? ah yes, we're all little 18 yr olds.....

theres so much to worry about =[ .. sometimes i wonder if its even a good idea at all to move out to his place... how long will we be happy for? a few days? a few weeks? a few months? a few years? forever? [being too simple minded?] how do i conclude whether or not HES THE ONE! i mean .. ok compared to all my other bfs, i fight with him the least... well we dont really 'fight' since if the other few times i just got pissed and he didnt really bite back...... and how does he know that IM THE ONE? i mean when a guy's in a relationship, wouldnt he always say 'i love you forever' well most of the time anyway? and how many of those guys really mean it? how many of those guys end up saying that same line to 3 or more other girls?

maybe i shouldnt be thinking so much into this, but i cant avoid it. if some things happen once, they can happen again. someone who said they'd love me forever is now i dont even know where haha, i completely don't talk to them at all either, not that i'd want to. this has only been a 3 month relationship. it cant guaranteed that say another 3 months.. or 6 months... or 9 months later that he'll just randomly say 'game over' geees... ok thats just over analysing .. if everyone were to think that way, no one would be together ... or no one would be happy in their relationships -.-"

how many relationships have you all been in? how many of them did you initially think 'yes im going to be with them forever till the end of time'? and has that happened [well are u still with them lol]? how many of the relationships have you taken 'seriously'? as in.. you guys talked about the future, planned it, talked about kids, or even naming them [creepy for some huh]

yeh strangely enough, i been through all that, and i guess because it failed once, i sometimes do worry it'd happen again... but its all a learning/experience process huh... gosh i was 16 - 17 at the time, thats some insane age to think about all that crap, so i suppose i shouldnt and didnt really take it 100% serious... but what the diff with this one... im 18... hes TURNING18... meaning not 18 yet? and let alone guys mature later than girls.. if they ever mature that is..... he could just be another one of them, right?

eurgh this is getting lengthy, i dont know why im thinking so much, and its getting hot, and i need to hang out the washing...

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14/12/07
Friday. 12.14.07 3:29 am
friday today, im get so worried at night that i cant sleep. results come out on monday. what will happen? how have i gone? im really worried. then what course will i end up in?what course will he end up in? will it be like what he said? will we see eachother less often? will i really be able to move out 2 months into uni? will we still be together? am i willing to put up with a less reserved guy... there is too much to think about...

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uncertainty
Thursday. 12.6.07 9:13 am
and so the problems that existed tried to be solved. how long will this last? how long till another arises? i dont even know why im seeing it from such a pessimistic point of view. oh well....



hes such a busy guy. doesnt get home till 11 or 12. i know hes tired. he still stays up a bit... watches a bit of anime and talks to friends as a form of relaxing i guess.... i know he gets pretty damn tired... so he chooses to shut his computer and get me to call him instead, possibly so he doesnt have to read haha... but then i dont know ... because i know hes tired, i sometimes dont want to say much over the phone... especially about my problems or things im not happy about. i dont feel its fair ... hes tired enough as it is.. but i want him to be the one whose first there for me.. so i dont tell anyone else the problem either... unless it was something little or meaningless.... maybe things will improve over time?



less than 2 weeks to go... and we get our results. im worried sick

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rage
Sunday. 12.2.07 5:129 am
its becoming a replay of the past, everything i do is worthless. im not going to tolerate the attitude this time. once bitten twice shy, i suppose. i cant tell whether hes serious or not anymore, the future is just a blur. i dont want to think about it anymore. i dont know what to do anymore.

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horrible
Saturday. 11.17.07 2:32 am
a night that was supposed to be remembered forever, the last day with friends from school probably, ever.... turned into a day i hope i soon forget about

so many thoughts running through my head, will i regret what i've done? is this a vicious circle of what happened with my ex as well? how do i know? is this another blind risk? i feel uncertain, i totally lost all sense of security, what do i do?

im afraid of sleeping again, the images being so vivid in my head. i try to forget about it, but people i walk past in the street remind me... im afraid of nightmares, though worse yet, it actually happened?

what will my future days be like now that school is over? will it be generally the same? or will there be a dramatic change?

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hmm
Saturday. 11.10.07 8:17 pm
ÔÚÎÒ×îµÍÂäµÄ•rºò©oÔÚÎÒÉíß…µÄÈË…s²»ÊÇËû

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day before exam 1
Sunday. 11.4.07 3:15 pm
shitting myself really... lack confidence and some people just dont help... little do they know how much i worry for them when they're all frustrated and scary, i dont even know what to do anymore...

less than two weeks to go...

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rant
Saturday. 11.3.07 8:12 pm
school's over but exams havent even started for me
spesh exam on monday im really stressed no matter how much or little i prepare
and so he says he doesnt know anything, and that he can't study at home somehow, but woke up late and couldnt go to the library
fine, i try to help anyway, works for like what.. half an hr maybe? then he goes tunes out and does something else
i ask if hes still working
no response
IM TRYING TO STUDY HERE TOO, IT'D BE NICE TO FUCKING KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE STILL AT IT!
its attitude like that that makes one fail, always saying 'oh i cant do this or i cant do that'
im so frustrated at the moment, not only over my own problems but cos hes not even fucking helping fucking hell

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