This is one damn funny clip...

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Let me start me list here...

I really want...

1) a beer (yum yum)
2) to go to a concert...in England
3) be at peace when I go home
4) have my phone send/receive my text message (ALL THE TIME)
5) to go on a small vacation (some of you know where...hehe)

Those are really the 5 things that I really want to do right now. I am assuming that I'm going to be able to have a beer tomorrow, so that works for me :) Who knows, I might be able to have a beer tonight...it all depends on if Gregory gets to stay at Grandma and Grandpa's house tonight. If he's staying there tonight, I'll have the whole evening to have a yummy YUMMY beer. Tomorrow, Melissa (pyrogrrl12) are going to go to some Rock Bottom food tasting event and ususally, they should pair those with beer...yummy ROCK BOTTOM beer :)

In regards to me going to a concert, why is it that only the good bands (in my opinion) play in Europe and never come to the states? My favorite guitar player of all time (Graham Coxon - former guitar player for Blur) only plays in Europe...smart guy, I suppose. Before I die, I want to see him at least once. He's just so amazing and wonderful!

The third, being at peace when I get home. Ah...for once, I'd like to just sit down and relax and not have to worry about Gregory being pissed off and screaming at the top of his lungs...not worrying about how dirty my kitchen is...not wanting to go in the bathroom and scream my head off. It would be absolutely nice.

The fourth is in regards to my text messages...I sent some last night and they didn't get there for almost 2 hours...what the hell is that? It's fucking screwy if you ask me! Now, I'm sending some this morning...and I don't know if they're going through or not. It's nervewracking...you constantly think "Is it something I said?" BUT NO...it's my damn phone (or service) or something...

THEN, #5...the best of all...I just need to get away. Not to Washington (where my family is), not to anywhere else with my family...just myself. I need to get away from life and all that. It will be FOREVER nice....

BUT, I have to get back to work...

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I constantly find myself asking myself this EVERY SINGLE DAY. I do not know what it is. I can't seem to escape it either. I come to work and they're everywhere...I go home, and it's not necessarily at home that there are stupid people...but places I go...stupid drivers, etc.

UGH...

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You know, I'm at work this morning...why? I've been here since 5am...is my job really worth all this BS? Probably not, but I still do it...I must be a masochist or something.

I'm already running on mostly empty because I was up at midnight on Friday night waiting in line for my Harry Potter book. We went there around 6pm and I checked in and got my wrist band. Unfortunately, I was in the 3rd wave of people that would get to buy the book. I think it was close to damn near 1am when I finally got my book and I was just tired as all hell. Gregory, for some reason, was up at 2am just playing. I think we fucked his sleep up that day or something because he's been ornery and unruly here the past few nights...ugh...

Since I'm here at work, I've not had a lot of time to read the book like I wanted to. I've only gotten to pay 300 so far and I should be MUCH MUCH further. DAMMIT...

Anyway, I better get back to work so I can try and get out of here by atleast 1pm this afternoon.

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I really hate when life throws you a curve ball. Believe me, I'm so completely confused about my life at this point. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing here...it really gets to me sometimes.

In other news, I'm going to actively start trying to lose weight. I'm tired of feeling like a cow and I need to do something about it. Ever since Greg was born, I sort of let myself go. How I'm going to miraculously try and lose 80 pounds, I don't know, but I'm gonna start doing it. I'm gonna start riding the bike...and I'm gonna go to the gym when Brian gets home at night. I really want to do this...and I'm going to make it happen! Does anyone know of a place where I can find a good plan of action to follow? What is hard for me is just trying to get up and do it. If I have a goal or some sort of chart to follow, I think I can do it. I don't know how much cardio I need to do to lose weight. I don't know how many times a week I need to do it to lose weight. I need to know these things...

But yeah...I also decided to move to the 2 bedroom in the same apartment complex I'm in right now. The guy in the office said it'd be ready by August 7th, so we'd move in then...and slowly move our stuff across the parking lot to the other unit to be out of mine by August 12th. It'll work out perfectly. NOW...to straighten the money issues out and we might be okay. It's about $150 more to live in that apartment, so we really need to hunker down and BUDGET. This fucking NSF fees we were getting here this past week drive me NUTS.

Anyway, I've gotta get to work.

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Often times, I feel like everyone comes to me for advice. Sometimes I am up to the challenge and other times, I just want to make everything better. Sometimes people come to me to just complain and other times, they want a legitimate answer.

I have always wondered why they choose me to unload this burden. Why do they look to me for answers? Hell, half the time, I could probably use my own advice. I seriously wonder what it is about me that makes people want to tell me their problems and seek answers.

This past week has been a thinking week for me. More and more, I find myself thinking "What if Gregory dies?" I know I shouldn't think like this, but seriously, what would I do if he all of a sudden died...in his sleep, in a car accident, whereve. To be honest, I do not know if I could go on living without the little guy. I would have a complete meltdown. He's such a LARGE part of my life right now and if he were gone, it would be so empty. Would I kill myself? Probably not. Would I wallow in depression, DEEP DEPRESSION...most likely. The other thing I think of is Gregory being taken away from me. What if I do something that would cause him to be taken away from me? If Brian and I were to separate, who would have custody? Would his parents fight me for custody? Would I ever see him again? All I ever wanted since I was 16 was to have a son named Gregory. Now that he's here, I don't know what I'd ever do without him!!! It's so nervewracking!!

In other news, Melissa (pyrogrrl12) and I went to see License to Wed last night. That movie was SOOOO funny. I don't know if you've seen the commercials, but it's about a couple who has to do a marriage class before they can get married in this church and Robin Williams (funniest man alive) is the reverand. Well, at one point in the course, they have these mechanical babies and I laughed so hard I was crying. Those babies did some of the things that Gregory did and it was just so funny watching them try to handle these babies. Now I know that people probably laugh at me when Gregory is being unruly in the store or something because I was sure laughing at them. I liked when the babies went into meltdown mode...lol...they were flailing their arms and crying like real babies do. It was great!

Another person is starting in my area today. We'll see if she stays longer than 1 week. When I was gone on maternity leave, I guess my job was like a revolving door. People came in and a week later, they went out. It happened like this for 4 weeks! They had 5 people within a month. It was a nightmare. Why the hell do I stay in this position then? I told my manager that I think when people start in the position, they're like, "Oh, this is okay." As the week progresses, they actually see how crappy the things we do are and by Friday, they're like, "Screw this...it's not worth my time." I've seen it happen 2 times already since I've been back (I came back full time in April). The one person that I thought would thrive over here and she was over here for a month, they moved to the cash receipts department. It completely SUCKED.

Anyway, I better get to work. I have TONS of things to do today and essentially, not a lot of time to do them. Fun stuff...fun stuff...

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I'm somewhat addicted to Facebook now.

I like it SOOOOO much better than Myspace...lol

Anyone else have a Facebook that isn't Lostsoul13?

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I walk in the door at work this morning and I already feel so overwhelmed. THIS SUCKS...

I haven't even started doing anything and I feel like shit. I have 41 e-mails too...all of which I got after I left the office yesterday at 1:30. What the hell...

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