Uneasiness
I wonder why I have so many “ticks”. Like why is it that for about 30 minutes before I give someone a thank you gift I get nervous as hell, my heart starts to race, my mouth becomes dry and my legs won’t stop shaking/moving/twitching/whatever the hell you wanna call it. Once I give it I clam up and become very insecure like I’m doing something wrong and then there’s this wave of relief once they accept the gift and like it. Does this happen to anyone else? Am I the only one who over thinks, over analyzes this sort of thing? Even after I give it for at least 15 minutes I start to worry. Did I give too much? Did I give too little? Should I have given X instead of Y? Was the timing inappropriate?
Well it turns out two of those fears were right. I bought waaaaay too much food. I figured for 9 people (10 if they invited me to join, which they did…they are so nice! :D) 3 entrees, two appetizers, chow mein and fried rice would be perfect. I pick up the food and it’s in a large box!! I knew they gave a lot, but oh my God! The second thing is that turns out that I traded my lunch period for nothing. They said their lunch was at noon, but at 12:30 there were still 2 clients there. Oh well... On the bright side I was able to take some more pictures! I’ll be taking the rest after work since I wasn’t able to take any of Arnold or John. I just realized something. I STILL don’t know the guy’s name! I’ll have to get that too. XD
A comment about what Pa-lua put in the tagboard. I shouldn’t generalize since I hate when people generalize about me, HOWEVER I wasn’t kidding about the ratio of cool Asians I’ve met. I even included the ones from SnS and here and it STILL only came out to that. It’s extremely sad and pathetic considering most of you guys live so far away I’ll never meet you anyways. I also noticed that what Pa-lua said is very true too. The Koreans I have spoken with are very specific that it’s not that I’m with someone who’s white, it’s the fact I’m not with another Korean. When they find out about the no kids ever thing that just freaks them out even more, like I just shot them in the leg or something. Do I know that not all Asians are bad? Of course. The question still stands though. Why do I keep running into them? Did I do something in a past life that’s come back to bite me in the butt?
@Kuri: I love your last reason as to why the sudden mood change. I doubt that’s why, but I just love it! XD hehehe
@kkama67: Very true, but it seems to some Asians it does...and I'm with the wrong one. <_<
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Dirty looks...
Ok this has been on my mind since I came back from lunch and I just have to write about it otherwise I won’t quit thinking about it. What is up with the dirty looks I get from Asian guys?? I was with my boyfriend and we met up at Taco Bell for lunch. At his last job it was rare that we could meet up for a decent lunch since we worked so far apart. Him being closer is very nice since it means more lunches together. :) Any who, the Taco Bell we went to had mainly an Asian staff and mainly guys. Each one of them was nice to me until I called him one of my pet names, sweetie. After that it was death stares from all of them. No more smiles. No more twinkling eyes. /sigh If I wanted that kind of treatment I’d go back to that Asian store and have the mean oji-san make me feel like I was 2 inches tall and a disgrace to Koreans again.
What’s up with that? Why does this keep happening to me? It’s like I keep taking two steps forward and three steps back in my confidence. I grew up with race never being an issue so now that I’m older and in the “real world” each time this happens it’s a huge blow. Maybe it’s because I grew up being the only Asian in the group that this never happened when I was younger? Does it really matter if I’m not with someone who’s Asian? Is keeping the Korean bloodline pure that important? When I look in the mirror I can only tell I’m Asian by my eyes. My boyfriend laughs and says my looks show anyone who’s seen a full blooded Korean before that I am one, but can everyone tell? Am I once again the odd man out? Will I forever be getting these dirty looks and snide remarks about how I’m not being a good Korean? I know not everyone is like this, but why do I keep meeting them? For every nice Asian out there I meet I meet 20 more that treat me like crap. I wish I still could talk to Vong. He always made me feel like how I am is ok and liked how I went against the “norm” and expected. /sigh
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