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2014
pRoFiLe!


ruiyan
Age. 30
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. AzN
Location , Australia
School. Other
» More info.
2010
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sHouT BoX
OMG... I must be dead...
by sirpaulmccartneyfan
I haven*t been on here since forever....
Hi Ravennah!
by Zanzibar

by randomjunk
Hey! I*m doing well at the moment, how are you?
Wow.... Been a while
by Ravennah
since I*ve been on here. How the heck are ya?

by randomjunk
Haha, I keep meaning to write a post...
You should all update to give me
by Zanzibar
something to read

by bauhaus
Hello
eek
by AmbyrJayde
I thought you were all gone :o But then it all came back

by undisputed
o.o;
Thank the heavens
by dannixfresh
Nutang is still around! I thought I lost you guys

by
Wednesday. 3.12.08 9:29 pm
im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed im stressed

why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why

why did i have to break my promise... and now hes borken his promise, but hes unaware because he probably doesnt even know about this, this is becoming more and more alike the other one. why are we starting to fight so much now. it seems like hes not understanding me anymore. or maybe its i dont understand him anymore. my tolerance runs low now days. im too stressed. theres too much on my mind and too little (right) time to tell him about it. sometimes i dont even know how to tell him things. i hate this stress. i just want to leave everything. i just want to scream i want to release everything there is inside me. i want to cry and run and scream and hide. i dont to go away forever. i dont want to come back. why DOES IT REALLY SEEM LIKE I WANT TO STAY AT HOME? i fucking want to move out more than he does. why am i constantly having so many problems. all i want is someone there to lend me a shoulder and to listen to everything. is it that hard? am i asking for too much. i have enough stress as it is. i dont need more. i dont want more. im not a fucking idiot. like i dont know he has his own problems and issues to worry about. what does he think i am? a selfish asshole who just thinks about myself? or maybe thats how im acting? i dont fucking know, but clearly if he cant see that i do care and know then theres something wrong. im sick of this. why am i putting up with this shit? whether its at home or my social life or whatever.

i was expecting this year to run a fuck of a lot more smoother than every other yr, but it totally FUCKING SUCKS!

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[no subject]
Wednesday. 3.12.08 8:31 pm
i just wished i couldve kept walking on

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all the space for me
Tuesday. 3.11.08 11:39 pm
i find that this is the only place i can be myself and express how i feel without consequence. i wont have people shouting back at me and giving me attitude. i can swear all i like because im pissed and no one can say a thing. i dont need someone telling me 'stop swearing, you're swearing too much' when themselves, swear on a regular every day basis. FUCKING HYPOCRIT! ive so had enough now. i cant stand it anymore. why is it that whatever the fuck happens with anyone, whether it be in a relationship or just friendship, im always the person stuck in the middle. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALL FORCE ME TO CHOOSE A SIDE. I DONT CARE IF YOU NEED PEOPLE TO TALK TO IM HERE TO LISTEN BUT DONT FUCKING FORCE ME TO YOUR SIDE YOU SELFISH ASSHOLES! i absolutely HATE it when i try to talk to someone about something, and they just throw in their opinion to defend what i've just said that ive heard from someone else. FUCK YOU! WHAT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND! I DIDNT MAKE THAT COMMENT/STATEMENT, THE OTHER PERSON DID, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME QUESTIONS GIVING ME A FUCKING HARD TIME TRYING TO GIVE YOU ANSWERS WHEN ITS NONE OF MINE OR YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS UNLESS YOU REALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE WHO HATE EACHOTHER! WHERE THE HELL DO I GO WHEN IM UNHAPPY ABOUT SOMETHING HUH? I JUST GET ATTITUDE THROWN BACK AT ME FOR RAGING, HOW ABOUT WHEN YOU ALL RAGE? WHAT DO I DO? I HATE THIS! what did i ever do huh? fucking hell, just let me rust in peace thanks, i rather go die than put up with all you people's bullshit!

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caged again
Saturday. 3.8.08 11:44 pm
why does everyone cage me and then tell me its all for my own good? its ridiculous. i always have the feeling that in the end, they'll be the ones complaining that im restricting them just simply because what i cant do, they shouldnt do either. ok, fine, they really do care. but why dont they ever care about my feelings and how i would feel or think towards anything at all? so many things seem so unimportant now... things forgotten, oh i dont even want to care anymore.

my next mission impossible is to regrain trust. someone teach me how to. how do you forget all the disappointments.

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45 mins
Friday. 3.7.08 10:41 pm
maybe i was being too critical... or maybe its indicative of something.

do i really have to pray that they were wrong. damn, that killed confidence.

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tried, trying and still trying
Wednesday. 3.5.08 10:33 pm
its tiring, theres so much to remember, the limits... im still trying, all i hope for is a good outcome. i dont want all my effort wasted. we both sacrificed a lot, or at least i know i did. its scary, i feel like im in a vicious circle. i only hope it wont happen again. i wont have the courage to confront it again.

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a significant day made simple
Monday. 3.3.08 8:27 pm
my boyfriend's birthday today. didnt really expect that he had to work but oh well. we took a few hrs off to try sign up for a phone plan. that didnt go too well really. totally stupid as a matter of fact, 2 hrs wasted as opposed to a 2 min job...

life is so tedious. everything's about money these days. if you dont have money, you can't get what you want. gee does that sound stupidly logical. how am i going to find the time to work anymore. im really tired. its so stressful, theres too much to think about, to worry about, to take responsibility for. there are so many people you have to put up, make happy/keep happy, avoid, or whatever it is. is this what life is all about? i really need a break, or else I'LL be the one breaking i just want to get away from everyone and everything. i need to breathe. i just want to have a short holiday. escape from everything. away from friends, mum, dad, siblings... i want clean air! I HATE THE CITY. WHY DO PEOPLE SMOKE? I DONT UNDERSTAND! IF YOU WANT TO DIE, GO FUCKING JUMP OFF A BUILDING ALREADY! SMOKING IS LITERALLY A SLOW AND PAINFUL WAY OF SUICIDE! ITS RIDICULOUS! I HATE PEOPLE WHO SMOKE! it's the smokers who take up so many beds in hospitals cos they have their lungs FULL OF SHIT, its them with the retarded babies at birth or blood/breathing disorders and infections! its those people who waste the government's money on drugs in finding cures for this cause. its them! its them, who cause death of others by taking up beds in hospitals and the TRULY SICK ONES WHO ACTUALLY STRIVE TO LIVE don't get beds! IT'S UNFAIR! they cause grief for so many others through passive smoking which is more harmful than first hand smoke! i swear man, in the future, if any of those are admitted to hospitals, IM NOT TAKING CARE OF THEM. IF YOU WANNA DIE, GO PISS THE HELL OFF! I DONT WANT TO LOOK AFTER YOU, IM NOT GOING TO STOP YOU KILLING YOURSELF!

and why does it also piss me off so much? is it cos i havent let go of it? every time it happens, why do i always grip the way i gripped my friend that night? i just want a break...

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trust
Friday. 2.29.08 9:52 pm
i have no reason to not trust, i shouldnt not trust, i have to keep trusting, why is it getting harder instead of easier? is it because we've been together longer so not only him but i also care about the rs more? i think its time i let go a bit, let myself breathe, and trust people around myself more, including believing him that whats happened to me in the past wont happen again.

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