I don't have much time to write, but I'll try to fill you in on what I can. Matt's stepdad, Gordie, and Kim both lost their jobs because of the company shutting down. Gordie and Rose were already behind in house payments, and they haven't had cable tv or the internet for quite sometime. I'm so worried about all of them! Rose told me that they may have to move in with Kim, which would mean Matt going to a different school! I don't want him to leave me! I'm so scared!

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I think Matt's going to go, and that bothers me...a lot. I don't mind him hanging out with his friends, just not there! To tell you the truth, I was really hoping he would spend time with me after his game on Saturday, since I have the day off from work. Then, he could see his friends on Sunday or something when I have to work and he won't be able to see me. I wanted time with him this weekend. That's why I turned Amber, a girl I work with, down so I could go to his game and hopefully change his mind to seeing me the whole day. Now I'm stuck with going to Matt's football game, which will be freezing cold, and then going back to my house and probably stacking wood. Matt told me last night that I told him before to put friends before me, but not like this! I feel neglected, and I NEVER get to hang out with myfriends. I'm so jealous. It's not fair! I love him, and he won't listen to me when I really need him to. I think I'm going to tell him I don't even want to bother with seeing him this weekend if he goes. My entire life revolves around Matt, and I hate when he does this to me. I don't want something to happen that would make him go away, like Dad did.

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I just got done reading my influence paper for composition to the entire class. It was about my dad, and I cried. I tried not too, but I kept getting so choked up that I eventually lost it, and couldn't finish my last sentence. It sucked. The story was so sad that I couldn't keep myself from bawling. I started shaking and got a really bad headache too. Afterwards, when we got here to Mr. Rockwell's room, Ms. Segur, my composition teacher, came over and thanked me for sharing so much of my life with the class. Matt might be going to a party on Saturday that will include numerous ex-girlfriends of his, as well as a lot of people I don't get along with. I told him I don't want him to go, and his excuse was that it was only to hang out with friends. I asked him, "Well, why don't you do something else with your friends?" Then, Matt claimed, "It's not like they're going to think I'm going just to see them." I kept thinking, "Duh!" Why wouldn't someone think you wanted to see them if you went to their party?! Anyway, I really didn't want him to go! One time when he went to a party like that, Matt got talked into playing truth or dare and frenching his ex-girlfriend, Alec. That tore my heart out, and I'm paranoid that something like that will happen to me again. I was telling my best friend, Amber, the entire situation in physics during first block. She immediately came up with a plan. At the end of first block, I met Matt as usual in the hallway. I told him that Amber invited me to a surprise party for Dan, a guy I cheated on Matt with the first summer we were together. "Are you going to go?" Matt questioned. "Yeah, with Kat," I replied. Then Matt got really mad and shoved me. I was really upset, until he apologized after the next block. I never told him the party wasn't real, but I still hope he doesn't go...

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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I forgot to tell you in the last entry: Today, Matt and I have been together 1 year and 8 months!

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We won the game last night! The score was 20-0. The team we played throw a lot of cheap shots, but it didn't seem to get them anywhere. Matt got tackled once during the game and was kicked in the head before he got up. He didn't really get up right away because he said he felt dizzy at first. The coaches took him out for a play or two and then put him right back in. Rose was in the driveway before I even got off the bus yesterday. Then, she took me back to her house and gave me a toasted cheese sandwich. After that, Kim took us to Burger King, where I got a fish sandwich and a small Dr. Pepper. Rose got chicken nuggets, and Kim got a whopper and chicken nuggets. Kim actually payed for everyone's meal and payed our way into the game as well! It was a really tight squeeze in the truck when we had to shove Matt in with us. They dropped me off at my house at around 9:00PM. By then I was exhausted. I had to fold clothes for Vicky so I couldn't do my homework until this morning.

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