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the choice i have to make
PROFILE the term doppelganger describe me in a certain way as i'm not whom i seem to be, to my friends i bring joy and laughter, to my family some pride but mostly a sense of dispair... to have an alter ego that treat others with respect and how i behave towards certain group of pple is what i'm doing..and i have been doing it for so long that the i dun even know the real me... so i'm lost and basically trying to find which doppelganger i want to be... the gentlemanly person who follows all the rules and becomes a nice but boring person OR a rascal that breaks all the rules and have fun resulting in a peson that nobody likes coz i can be quite an ass...so confusing but thats bascially my life my previous grievance motive in life
Growing old is inevitable, Growing up is optional... Someone else pain is someone else happiness... To love is to know when to let go... To love someone, u have to give her the best, even if the best isn't u... Listen to ur heart, ur eyes may trick u, ur brain may be muddle, but ur hearts knows the way... Death is lighter than a feather, Duty is heavier than a mountain... song of the month
Artist: Nickelback Song: Photograph Look at this photograph, everytime I do it makes me laugh. How did our eyes get so red, and what the hell is on Joey's head. And this is where I grew up, I think the present owner fixed it up. I never knew we ever went without, the second florr was high for sneaking out. And this is where I went to school, most of the time had better things to do. Criminal record says I broke in twice, I must have done it half a dozen times. I wonder if its too late, should I go back and try to graduate. Life's better now than it was back then, if I was them I wouldn't let me in! Oh oh oh... Oh God I! Every memory of lookin' out the back door, I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor, It's hard to say it, time to say it, Good-bye good-bye. Every memory of walkin' out the front door, I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for, It's hard to say it, time to say it, Good-bye good-bye. We used to listen to the radio, and sing along to every song we'd know. We said someday we'd find out how it feels, to sing to more than just the steering wheel. Kim's the first girl I kissed, I was so nervous that I nearly missed. She's had a couple of kids since then, I haven't seen her since god knows when! Oh oh oh... Oh God I! Every memory of lookin' out the back door, I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor, It's hard to say it, time to say it, Good-bye good-bye. Every memory of walkin' out the front door, I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for, It's hard to say it, time to say it, Good-bye good-bye. I miss that town, I can't believe it, So hard to stay, So hard to leave it. If I could relive those days, I know the one thing that would never change. Every memory of lookin' out the back door, I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor, It's hard to say it, time to say it, Good-bye good-bye. Every memory of walkin' out the front door, I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for, It's hard to say it, time to say it, Good-bye good-bye. Look at this photograph, everytime I do it makes me laugh. Everytime I do it makes me... | quicksand Monday. 1.17.05 haiz...its been like 5 days now... still can't get over this black mood of mine, resulting in me acting like a total ass at some point in time to most of my friends... i know its wrong, but i cant help it, i'm not gg to apologize and i'm not gg to explain what happen,jus that i'm trying my best to be the usual again, although my usual personality is still an ass, but a sunny ass is better then a thunderstorm one... those that have seen my face will understand... those that haven't, be thankful for small favors!!! right now i have seriously no idea whats happening to me,can't be my usual self. can't be my other self, the longest black mood that i have had was abt a week and that was with reasons, now its 5 days and i'm still clueless abt whats happening to me, i feel like i'm in quicksand, the more i try to struggle out of it, the deeper and faster i sink in, i can't relax as the sand is slowly pulling me in... what i need is a branch, a vine or a hand to lift me up, but what can these do as even i dun know whats wrong with me... my friends have tried to ask me to confide in them, i appreciate the effort made by them, but i'm a intensively private person, i prefer to keep things to myself, even thought its not healthy, i jus cant make myself talk abt to them abt my problems... well... we all go thru life with up and downs, and right now,it been gg downhill for me in terms of moodwise, maybe what a friend of mine say was correct, we all have a quote of happiness and sadness, if u are sad now, u wun be sad in the future and vice versa... he who laughs last, laughs the longest looking ard me, the world is suffering more then me, and i feel bad abt my behaviour, i 'm fortunate to be safe with my loved ones ard me, but i jus cant stop the feeling of boredom and piss offfish from showing in my body language i walk alone surrounded by a miasma of the darkest color i trip and fall, no one knows i pick myself up already lost despair and bewildered i look to the sky my feet walk the paths my eyes to the sky, the feets find purchase in the dark i see the end but cant move on looking down, i see myself, half stuck in quicksand, struggle and panic i strive to free myself only to sink deeper and deeper till i'm gone... argghhhh.......tupid mood...if it was possible, i would probably go f**k myself... haiz.... bear with me... Comment! (4) | Recommend! how times flies 01/14/2005 Comment! (3) | Recommend! the starting point is the ending point Wednesday. 1.12.05 20 years of living and more to go, what have i achieve during this time??? friend and enemies both were made casual acquaintance to life long friends loyalty and intergrity i honored both but ..... disappointment and despair runs thru our veins never hapi with what we gain hapiness to sadness a state of mind an endless circle till death in time why do i feel like this, seldom have i care, i pride myself on indifference never have i trust my feeling, for never have my feeling been true from start to end i bounce ard, without feeling and currents underground the cycle goes round and never ends bad poetry by a guy in a black mood.... Comment! (2) | Recommend! am i weird??? Sunday. 1.9.05 9:49 am yesterday was shiok for me!!! i spent practically the whole day sitting in front of my Tv watching manga...and dun think "dirty" *waves fingers at u* ...it was a cartoon abt japaness chess and its called "Hikaru No Go"!!! 2 box,16 disc marthon !!! from 10.30am to 2 am the next day sitting in front of the Tv watching it...only stop for a short break to eat and do all necessary business. nows thats not weird, what is weird is that i was alone at home all day and i also had in my possession what we like to call " Adult cartoon" *yes u can start raising ur eyebrows and think dirty* and to a certain friend if u reading this, its not mine and so u cant borrow it...hehe...we all could probably guess him but lets not name names...hehe so what was amazing is that i never even thought of watching those DvD instead i was like chionging for the other cartoon... am i weird??? or maybe i jus turned Gay *yes i'm gay again, now is by the other sister!!!* "!@&^!&$^!@*@^%"... thats what she said said when she found out that instead of watching adult cartoon i watched cartoon... sigh....i'm malign!!! Comment! (3) | Recommend! bad timing.... Tuesday. 1.4.05 10:18 am i have jus found out what it feels to be baboozalise!!!! thats slang for getting ur Ass F*** till it resembles a baboon ass!!! in other words, genna blindsided by someone... nth to say , coz i dun like to bitch abt pple THAT much.....haha the world is Full of suffering, it is also full of the OVERCOMING of it... * p.s . my friend actually thought i came up with most of quotes u see here, actually its borrow from other source, which i have never accreditied too since it wun look so nice and its less then one page or 1/3 a chapter according to my teachers(if i can still remember), so i wun get sue...beside i'm sure they wun mind me quoting a few quotes, after all i'm spreading it ard??? Comment! (4) | Recommend! its a new year Saturday. 1.1.05 9:00 am another year is gone...in a blink of an eye, many things have happen, from life altering events to personal matters... to my friends who have been bitching abt their poor fate, i have only this to say we are not as poor as we thought we are, other people in the world and some around us are suffering more then us, some are obvious which other are suffering too but do no feel the need to said it ... try to look at the bigger picture, as with most advise, this is easier said then done, but u can at least think about it... The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; u can't go forward in life until you let go of ur past failure and heartache... Advise is what you ask for when you already know the answer but wish you didn't i wun end with the usual wishes and well being for the new year, instead i will advocate a feeling of maturity... think before u you act, think before u speak... look at the bigger picture of life, only thru hurt will one learn and remember! but dun let the hurt consume ur passion for life and all it holds... Hapi New Year to all Comment! (6) | Recommend! |
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