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welcome to my life
the doppleganger awaits in each of us
the choice i have to make
PROFILE
the term doppelganger describe me in a certain way as i'm not whom i seem to be, to my friends i bring joy and laughter, to my family some pride but mostly a sense of dispair... to have an alter ego that treat others with respect and how i behave towards certain group of pple is what i'm doing..and i have been doing it for so long that the i dun even know the real me... so i'm lost and basically trying to find which doppelganger i want to be... the gentlemanly person who follows all the rules and becomes a nice but boring person OR a rascal that breaks all the rules and have fun resulting in a peson that nobody likes coz i can be quite an ass...so confusing but thats bascially my life
motive in life
Growing old is inevitable, Growing up is optional...
Someone else pain is someone else happiness...
To love is to know when to let go...
To love someone, u have to give her the best, even if the best isn't u...
Listen to ur heart, ur eyes may trick u, ur brain may be muddle, but ur hearts knows the way...
Death is lighter than a feather, Duty is heavier than a mountain...
song of the month
Artist: Nickelback
Song: Photograph

Look at this photograph,
everytime I do it makes me laugh.
How did our eyes get so red,
and what the hell is on Joey's head.
And this is where I grew up,
I think the present owner fixed it up.
I never knew we ever went without,
the second florr was high for sneaking out.
And this is where I went to school,
most of the time had better things to do.
Criminal record says I broke in twice,
I must have done it half a dozen times.
I wonder if its too late,
should I go back and try to graduate.
Life's better now than it was back then,
if I was them I wouldn't let me in!
Oh oh oh... Oh God I!

Every memory of lookin' out the back door,
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.
Every memory of walkin' out the front door,
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.

We used to listen to the radio,
and sing along to every song we'd know.
We said someday we'd find out how it feels,
to sing to more than just the steering wheel.
Kim's the first girl I kissed,

I was so nervous that I nearly missed.
She's had a couple of kids since then,
I haven't seen her since god knows when!
Oh oh oh... Oh God I!

Every memory of lookin' out the back door,
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.
Every memory of walkin' out the front door,
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.

I miss that town,
I can't believe it,
So hard to stay,
So hard to leave it.

If I could relive those days,
I know the one thing that would never change.

Every memory of lookin' out the back door,
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.
Every memory of walkin' out the front door,
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.

Look at this photograph,
everytime I do it makes me laugh.
Everytime I do it makes me...
Contemplation...
Wednesday. 12.29.04 7:20 am
In a another few more days, the New Year will be upon us and as usual this is THE time of the year that most people start to reflect on what they have done for the year, and as usual they will look upon things that they have not managed to achieve and attained... people mostly look upon things that they have not managed to do and harp upon it instead of looking at things that have managed to do or achieve...

take a look ard and think of what u have manage to do, what u have set out to become, think abt what u have now, life is not always abt what u have not managed to achieve but what u have instead TRIED or attempt to do to change the situation...

Its human nature to be pessimistic, but everything in the world even animals has the rights to be sad ... what makes us different from them is the ability to rise up above the challenge, to move against the tide or in other words to continuing to bang ur head against the wall even if u bleeding to death...

from the prayer of St.Francis
"God, grant me strength to accept those things i cannot change"

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something inside my skin
Monday. 12.27.04 7:15 am
hmmm....kinda sad to see human nature in work... i know xmas has jus pass but i feel that i have to say this...

dun always look out for ursleve or try to move urselve into a better position in work or in life, jus be urselve and dun try to backstab ur friends coz in the end, u gg to regret it and pple wun look kindly on u ... action speaks louder then words and actions are observed by pple and i dun like what i see... so there...

thats all i'm gg to say for now...

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How do they do it???
Monday. 12.20.04 9:57 am
R.E.S.P.E.C.T ....respect...that what i feel for working pple nowadays, why shld i feel respect these pple, coz simply i'm currently opereting in a low power mood, meaning i have been deprive of my usual 7-8 hrs of slp and currently operating in a less then 5 hr slp time, after which i have to wake up and do mind numbing chores such as school work, projects and daily chores...

how do these pple get up and do their work with their usual efficiency and how do they keep their humor level up and running???

is it becox these pple have a goal and determination in life to succeed in what they do and to move up the corporate level??? or is ot becox they have a greater survival instinct???

my friend say i'm smart but i lack the determination, but i find that i'm kinda normal, things i say are jus common sense that other pple know but jus dun wanna say becoz they are shy...is voicing ur opinion called smart??? kinda scary that my friends think so highly of me... when i'm jus talking what i overheard, a person can seldom meet the expectation that their friend expect of them, that why i prefer not to have goals in life and jus to take things one step at a time

having expectation will only lead to dissapointment as we are currently unable to make all these expectation come true and to reality... hmm... basically i think i'm jus too scare to commit into things and that i'm scare of failure, but then again aren't we all???

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long time???
Sunday. 12.19.04 8:45 am
wah....it only been less then a year and so much has changed!!!

today i celebrate my grand papa birthday... that means a gathering of relative into my grand mama house.... kinda sweet how my grandparents are, warms my heart to see how they can still be so sweet to each other after all these years but also worries me as they are getting old and face with common old age diesase ...sigh

well back to the topic, arrive at my grandparents place and got a shock, 1 cousin i never see for 2 weeks, cut her hair and looks so diff, then there was the younger cousins, they looks so different from what i can remember, one went from chubby to quite fit, another went from little tomboyish to a demure girl...

jus looking at them makes me feel old, and looking at my grandparents make me feel....shldn't go there.

all of a sudden i feel in a christmasy mood...so cheers!!! keep smiling !!! or pretend to !!!

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knowing? changing?
Saturday. 12.18.04 6:25 am
how can a person see so much and still be blind???
its the season to be jolly but somehow i cant seem to get into the mood... i'm so confused on trying to find the real me... i'm trying to change myself, for good or bad i dunnoe ... i find myself sometimes doing things that i would not have done previously and things that i know is not good for me, haiz, and its so unlike me, that even my family is quite unclear whats gg on (judging by the looks they giving me lately, no scolding)...
why why why...

to be a nice person is the ability to care for others, what makes a man a successful person is the ability to turn of his emotion and do what is necessary... HAHA emotions...can anyone ever be free of that shit... shld i or shldn't i.... choices are hard to make and i dunnoe what to do now coz i have no idea what i feeling now...


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Sorry my friends!!!
Wednesday. 12.15.04 9:26 am
for the first time in my schooling years, i will be spending my christmas eve in school!!!

this is bad in 2 ways....
1. X'mas eve in school says it all...
2. i find myself having to buy presents for my friends!!! its not that i dun wanna buy for them, coz they probably deserve something for putting up with me!!! that ain't a joke...haha... they could probably apply for sianthood...hehe....

well this is jus to let them know that they will definately get their presents but they may have to wait a while...trust me....

a thousand apologies...my friends

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