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the choice i have to make
PROFILE the term doppelganger describe me in a certain way as i'm not whom i seem to be, to my friends i bring joy and laughter, to my family some pride but mostly a sense of dispair... to have an alter ego that treat others with respect and how i behave towards certain group of pple is what i'm doing..and i have been doing it for so long that the i dun even know the real me... so i'm lost and basically trying to find which doppelganger i want to be... the gentlemanly person who follows all the rules and becomes a nice but boring person OR a rascal that breaks all the rules and have fun resulting in a peson that nobody likes coz i can be quite an ass...so confusing but thats bascially my life my previous grievance motive in life
Growing old is inevitable, Growing up is optional... Someone else pain is someone else happiness... To love is to know when to let go... To love someone, u have to give her the best, even if the best isn't u... Listen to ur heart, ur eyes may trick u, ur brain may be muddle, but ur hearts knows the way... Death is lighter than a feather, Duty is heavier than a mountain... song of the month
Artist: Nickelback Song: Photograph Look at this photograph, everytime I do it makes me laugh. How did our eyes get so red, and what the hell is on Joey's head. And this is where I grew up, I think the present owner fixed it up. I never knew we ever went without, the second florr was high for sneaking out. And this is where I went to school, most of the time had better things to do. Criminal record says I broke in twice, I must have done it half a dozen times. I wonder if its too late, should I go back and try to graduate. Life's better now than it was back then, if I was them I wouldn't let me in! Oh oh oh... Oh God I! Every memory of lookin' out the back door, I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor, It's hard to say it, time to say it, Good-bye good-bye. Every memory of walkin' out the front door, I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for, It's hard to say it, time to say it, Good-bye good-bye. We used to listen to the radio, and sing along to every song we'd know. We said someday we'd find out how it feels, to sing to more than just the steering wheel. Kim's the first girl I kissed, I was so nervous that I nearly missed. She's had a couple of kids since then, I haven't seen her since god knows when! Oh oh oh... Oh God I! Every memory of lookin' out the back door, I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor, It's hard to say it, time to say it, Good-bye good-bye. Every memory of walkin' out the front door, I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for, It's hard to say it, time to say it, Good-bye good-bye. I miss that town, I can't believe it, So hard to stay, So hard to leave it. If I could relive those days, I know the one thing that would never change. Every memory of lookin' out the back door, I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor, It's hard to say it, time to say it, Good-bye good-bye. Every memory of walkin' out the front door, I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for, It's hard to say it, time to say it, Good-bye good-bye. Look at this photograph, everytime I do it makes me laugh. Everytime I do it makes me... | regrets Saturday. 2.5.05 lots of thing gg thru my head at this time, and foremost of them is that we seem to be drifting apart... is it of my doing or urs i'm not sure. life is full of regrets , i used to think that fate is partially in my hands and that we live multiple live, every choice we make, every crossroads that we take, a seperate self goes on that journey, so if i'm living a sad life now, another of myself will be hapi with u... self dillusional??? i dun know.... i make my choice, i try to live with them, its hard, but if life deal u a hand u jus gotta live with it, like many of my friends do, so why can't i do it myself??? how can u lost something if u never had it at all.... sometimes u jus need a sign to let u know that u there is hope... but then again that might be wishful thinking... Nothing fixes a thing so intensively in the memory as the wish to forget it... Comment! (0) | Recommend! its over.... Friday. 2.4.05 well, one semester is gone jus like that, projects due were hand up and presentation done. firstly like to say good effort guys for doing the MMIT, we started off fast, lost a lot of steam but managed to at least cover our asses... felt that our report was not up to standard but well...no excuse since everyone had an equal load of things to settle... we can do better if we want to...jus need more time and effort...haha... duh!!! after MMIT was over, well i decided to slack with the girls... and we went to their 'new' found hangout which was the TcC at MW... haha as per usual, i suan pple or to be more specific...peilin!!! haha poor girl.... found out that me and yanty together was quite a terror to the poor girl.... at school its me and Lily... outside was me an yanty!!! haha... the suaning got a little bit out of hands thou and things was really COLD for a while... jialat attitude sia.... haha... then came the saviour, bridget!!! who decided that everything was my fault... FINE...haha... still didn't cool things off, but here comes TcC to the rescue and by the time we were sitting comfortably, we had already resume talking abt mundane stuff... i like numbers!!! didn't get to seat on the sofa so i shall not comment on the overall ambience, only think that i can think bad abt it was no alfreco....TcC is loacted inside the mall...so no nirvana for me...haha.... hmmm.... thinking that as thou that the number of projects may be lesser but the stress level is higher then previous...could it be that becoz some of these projects are for competitions and pple would be judge on how well they do since its a form of recognition... hmm... some people are competitive and some are not, haha... i know i piss some of my friends off, since i like to walk quietly behind them and read their report... haha... was it that neccessary to scroll down the page when u saw me walking towards u...hmm... relac lah.... i still have some intergrity in me... if u dun trust me,trust ur own judgement, do u expect ur friend to copy ur project work??? well its over and i wun change, and u wun change, so jus letting u all know that if i in the same room as u doing projects, expect me to wander ard, i like walking ard...haha... chance to talk to pple, suan pple and generally make them more stress!!! haha... evil am i , but someone has to do the dirty job!!! haha on another note, i decided that i like NUMBERS....haha... either u get it or u dun!!! Comment! (2) | Recommend! dun know what i feeling Monday. 1.31.05 Haiz... is it stress??? i'm feeling funny ...keep wanting to punch something....... some of my bad habits are coming back... wun be long before, i change and it dun look like its a nice thing... its kinda self destruct mode and can't afford it to happen now esp now, when things are starting to get hot.... werid things are gg thru my head... things dun look that well now... am i trying to run from reality??? what is reality??? damm confuse... need to get it out of my system...over kill-----> stress. bored, Sian, bothered, tired, unmotivated... jus something i feel.... jus 4 more days to the deadline.... rush rush rush, pple are worried, i'm worried, but can't seem to get anything right... Comment! (4) | Recommend! stuck in a runt Saturday. 1.29.05 hmm... can't seem to be able to do anything properly this pass few days.. felt that the stuff i do/things is not up to par... today was watching cartoon and heard this phrase... "sometimes the person we fear the most is ourself"...this is quite a common phrase but it got me thinking... that maybe i'm stuck in a runt becoz I have already decided on what to do but i have no desire to follow thru with it... my mind is occupied with this matter and its distracting me... i dun blame anyone, its my own problem and i will solve it soon... God gave me the equipment to deal with crisis and thats what i'm gg to do... suffering is a sign of test, the greater the suffering the greater the test... makes no sense... but seldom does things make sense anymore... Comment! (4) | Recommend! the Hunter, the Deer and Nature Friday. 1.28.05 Let me tell you a story... In time long ago, there was Hunter, whose duty was to hunt for animal in his lords land for his lord table and feed his family. In the Hunter mind, to do his best, he seclude himself alone at times in the forest to be the best he can be. The Hunter grew into his craft and enjoyed his work, the joy of the chase, the satisfaction of the hunt and the praise of the lord. In time the forest accepted him for he hunted with care and respect and he befriended some animals, none more beautiful then a white Deer. The Hunter knew his duty to his lord and knew that any day, should his lord sight the deer, an order would be given for him to kill it either for the joy of the chase or for the fur, but as time goes past, his heart felt heavy and his arms felt weak, could he sight down his arrow, to commit himself to this act? For as time past, he has learned to respect the Nature around him and the role of the animals in the cycle of life, even one as insignificant as a Deer. Could the Hunter follow what he has been taught to be the only goal in his life (his service of his lord) ??? would the Hunter follow his mind or his heart??? for that is the one of the question in the story... his mind tells him for the safety of his family and his livelihood, he should kill the Deer and presented it to his lord, but his heart tells him, to keep the Deer and let its existance with Nature be, so that only he could appreciate its true splendor although it pains him inside to forgo the chase, to just let the Deer be with one with Nature and there is also the chance that this secret would be expose and would threaten his reputation... haha... damm the story didn't come out the way i wanted it to be... it was supposed to be some other thing in life that is bothering me right now... but then looking at the text, it could be read in many ways and pple could interprete it in diff ways ending this with a quote "Destiny is not a matter of chance. It is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." As with eveything else in the world, this is easier said then done... Comment! (10) | Recommend! hapi birthday wilby Thursday. 1.27.05 yupe today is wilson birthday so heres wishing him a Hapi birthday!!! may all your wishes come true!!! haha... you know which one man!!! hehe well its going to 3 years since i first met wilson and i can say that there never has been a dull moment with this guy!!! esp if you put him with Alvin cheong!! man, they are nearly impossible to talk to properly if they get in the mood!!! thio shoot no matter who you are... well today was a day to suan back wilson..after all we are his friends, its too good an opportunity to pass TRUST Me!!! if you were his friend you would have done it too lor!!! chuckles... haha...well lets see what i did to him today!! 1. met up with Alvin cheong and nicholas to get the Hong Bao ready to pass to wilson for his present, decide to play a prank on him by splitting up his present(money) into 4 seperate packets,each containing a certain denomination and one with an empty packet (stuff with Tissue Paper!!)... haha...then we let him choose and the barger was so greedy he took the biggest most stuff packet, which turn up to be the u guess it tissue paper!!! haha...laugh my head off, then we gave him a 2 chance, and he though he got it right coz, after all all 3 had money mah!!! 2. wanted to make him throw away his other packets, still containing the rest of his presents, unfortunately, he was smart enough to check them out first or else he will be digging in the trash man!!! haha 3. all birthday wun be proper without a proper thrashing!!! of course i am more civilised then that...so all i give him was jus a small flick of my fingers... of course the area of impact was a carefully selected one!!! haha...now now dun go thinking dirty...apparently wilson had a pimple on his arm, and he told me coz i was patting him on the shoulder, so being a concerned and curious friend i took a look at it and instinct took over....*puak* a flick of my finger and you could see wilson whole face turn RED!!! wahaha....he even bend over in pain!!! 4. for the safety of myself, and in the act of self preservation... i took over into the class room unfortunately the teacher already siam.... jialat... wilson enter the room, whole face still RED holding his arm and generally polluting the air with his words... of course i was praciaclly hiding and crawling to get away from him, unfortunately i have this bad habit of LAUGHING when ever i did something bad, so it was quite easy to find me... then i had to siam to the next class and have a mini poly 50 run, unfortunately he caught me but i managed to wiggle out.... well that was abt the most memorable stuff i can remember that i did to him, i''m sure there will be more when we meet up with the rest of the gang for dinner!!! haha... it was a pleasure to know you.... and also alvin cheong!!! all though we 4 have seperate from our year one(actually we weren't that close then either hor or were we???) haha... but at least i can say i can count on this guys whenever i need someone to talk and advise, haha thou its me so its highly unlikely!!! so once again hapi birthday BIAO GIA!!! Hahaha.... and thats also another story for another day... man...suppose to be doing projects but too sian to do so... must do....do... projects.... haha... Hapi birthday!!! ain't i a nice friend!!! haha Comment! (2) | Recommend! |
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