So I had to take off work today b/c my body is so sore and I am so exhausted from having two panic attacks yesterday. It's really upsetting b/c I havent had a panic attack for a couple of months now and I have proudly been anxiety med free for over a year now. Yesterday managed to bring me down though. Apparently my brothers little accident is destroying my wedding. First off he's getting married in febuary. Feburary 23 to be exact. Assuming inspections and all come back good, we're supposed to be closing on febuary 15th and we have to be moved out of our apartment by march 1st. Oh did I mention my brother, like the rest of my family, is still in MS so I have to drive 500 miles after getting off work to be there for his wedding on the next day and then the day after it I have to leave and turn around and drive 500 miles back so I can get a house ready and Move. Now if we don't get the house, I have to find us another apartment. :/ I am so tired. Anyhow his wedding makes me have to change mine b/c his bride is using the colors I was going to use. AND BECAUSE I HAD TO CHNAGE MY FUCKING DATE. WHICH MEANS I HAD TO CHANGE MY LOCATION. WHICH MEANS I HAD TO CHANGE ALL MY FUCKING PLANS.

That was the cause of panic attack number 2. I was supposed to be getting married with a small ceremony on the beaches of NC on october 4.

Now I'm having a huge wedding, at a winery in ky, June 26th.

That changes food plans, deco plans, guest list, location, honeymoon costs. EVERYTHING.

This is all on top of dealing with this house stuff, some family issues, having a friend move in with me (she's paying rent so I can stay out of debt in the process of trying to get a house lol) and dealing with S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder).

Aside from all of that Panic attack number 1 came from almost being in 3 wrecks in less than 2 minutes, all because 2 stupid big ass trucks (Well one was a hummer but that just makes it more stupid to me) kept darting in and out of different lanes on an exit ramp and I was in the middle of it, then the stupid hummer beeotch wasnt following the lines when she turned and came all the way into my lane forcing me to come to a dead stop in the middle of the busiest road in the whole fucking town.

I think I'm going to go make some tea and try and relax.

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So, my mom calls me last night and we talk about the plans for my wedding. She then says, Speaking of weddings I need to talk to you about something, are you sitting down. I, already seated, told her to go on and she tells me that my oldest brother (he's 31) is getting married (this is the brother I thought would be last, if her got married). And he's also having a baby, well his girlfriend is technically having it but you catch my drift. OMG. CRAZY. AND Noone else besides me and my mom & step-dad know. I think they are telling our dad tonight. That is not going to be fun. Oh yeah..his girlfriend is 23. She's really sweet and pretty and I think they do genuinely love one another so lets all just keep our fingers crossed for them.

THEN I get on the computer, while I waited for a couple friends to come over, to kind of help me let the shock wear off. I get on facebook and I have a message from my 17 yr old cousin type person (my mom's now ex best friends daughter, but we always we're told we were cousins and what not bc we've known each other for like ever) who is also more like a sister to me than anything. She asks, you had a baby that you gave up for adoption right? bc I need to talk to about something. Oh Shit. Apparently she is pregnant and due in may and wants to talk to me about adoption. Oh shit. I dont know what to say or do. I mean I'm going to talk to her and just be honest but I think this is going to be very insane. And our mom's are in the middle of this huge dispute and her mom apparently kicked her out (she has somewhere to stay) and so she's pissed at her mom as well (her mom has always been off, but it's been worse lately). I'm like what to do....I think I should tell my mom but I have to figure out if I trust her enough to not tell sylvia she knows. Aaaagh! AND THERE'S MORE GOING ON WITH ME RIGHT NOW TOO!!

So, when I get off work this afternoon we are going out to a little town about 10 mins out of the city, giving our house that we want one last look over and then making an offer!! I said I would try to not move out of the city but the house we found is absolutely dreamy. It has a large privacy fenced back-yard not to mention 12 ft ceilings and the fact that it's 77 years old! It has so much character and charm plus modern updates. It's perfect lol. After we make the offer, if it's accepted then all we have to do is get an inspection and assuming all goes well, then we will be buying a huge, awesome house!! Whoot! And if it doesn't work out my back up house is in the city :-P It's just not as big. Also we make get another downtown apartment if it doesn't work.

Also, we should have the official wedding date by the end of this week! As I may have mentioned, we'll be getting married on the beach in the obx! As far as whose invited, pretty much everyone we know is welcome, they'll just have to make their own arangements as far as a hotel or small house if some of them want to get together and get crazy with it lol :)

2008 is going to be a crazy year.

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Unlike so many blogs I read that are always "well I don’t have much to talk about", I have not been on here because there are so many things going on in my life right now I barely have the time to keep up with them, much less blog about them. Aside from that, I always worry who will read this or whose going to think that and, quite frankly, I don't care anymore. I've kind of got this new life motto...”Fuck It". I've actually been surprised how much it has helped me lol. I feel I should also throw out there that my biggest problem in life is being a little neurotic. Now, you have to use "Fuck It" in the appropriate manner. You can't be like "I'm supposed to go into work today....Fuck It" because then it's not only not helpful, but it’s actually damaging. I like to use "Fuck It" when I let myself get too worried, because most of the time what's going to happen is going to happen and freaking myself out isn’t going to make it any better. I don't know, I feel like I'm not explaining things right. I do much better speaking in person. I should probably be some form of semi-vulgar motivational speaker but not only am I somewhat shy around people I don't know, but I really don't know if people want to hear the truth and the truth is what I bring to the table. I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life lately. I've narrowed it down to a few different things: Author/Advice Columnist, Something to do with animals and or charity, something to do with young children (teaching/daycare), or my own business (I have one in mind but I don’t like telling a lot of people I don’t really know about it lol). I've also decided I'm going to write a book. I don't care if it ever is read by anyone other than myself it's just a personal goal I have set for myself. I want the general idea of the book to be a mix of being crazy & living with it, going through hard times and coming through aka something similar to personality development and advice & truth that I feel need to be said. Just a mix of my life story and how my brain works with a little Ask Lyndee in it. That’s about it for now.

Oh and I'm kind of dieting with a little bit of exercise and seeing some pretty good results. I may be kind of cute by my wedding!! Fingers Crossed!

Peace~

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Damnit nutang. Why are you down again? It doesnt feel quite the same blogging in a document. Oh well. Here goes.

So I'm really excited b/c today my vision insurance kicks in and I get to go have my eyes checked and get new glasses/contacts. It will be really nice to have some relief from all the migraines, not to mention to be able to drive at night and not feel like I'm going to die lol. Plus some new glasses will just be fun. Thats right I said they'll be fun. New things are fun what can I say.

Anyhow. So thanksgiving went as smooth as smooth could be. Mine and Marc's parents hung out and chatted for at least an hour or so and they all seemed to get along very well. This is important seeing how we'll all be staying in one huge beach house for the weddding. Aside from that all the food was marvelous! We had turkey, ham, homeade dressing, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, deviled eggs, hay stacks, pumpkin pie and a few other things. It was absolutely divine.

Everything else in my life has been going pretty well too. I've lost a noticeable amount of weight from a few small diet changes and some excercise. Also we're almost done with everything to be approved for a home loan. We're just waiting on one thing to go through. Im so excited. That means at the end of the month we'll be putting in our two months notice and we'll be diving head first into the house buying pool. Whoo Hoo. Anyhow. I wish nutang were'nt dead so much lately. Oh yeah for the record it's 2:12 on saturday afternoon. Maybe I'll remember to log that later. I doubt it though lol. Only and hour till I can leave work for the dr's office! Yay!

I'll try an update more, assuming nutang allows me too ;)

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Something cool that Xerox is doing

If you go to this web site, www.letssaythanks.com , you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq. You can ' t pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services.

How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!! This is a great site.

Please send a card.

It is FREE and it only takes a second.

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listening to: Feng Shui - Music for balance & harmony -- Im at work lol
mood: Angsty


Like today. Apparently not only does drama follow me but it tries to hack my email, dies and cuts its hair like mine, and stalks me. Whoot.

My mom and Step-dad will be here tomorrow. I'm super excited. Like super super SUPER excited. We're going to cook a traditional thanksgiving meal on thursday and have marc's parents over so they can get to know one another. Im kinda nervous. Oh yeah my parents live 500 miles away. Literally. It's like 496 or something lol.

Anyhoot. I'll update later.
Yeah right.
I always say that.
Maybe this time will be different.

But probably not lol :-)

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