Back from bowling, didnt play well cos i couldnt concentrate.. Immediately after bathing i was doing research again..
Apparently nth has changed.. i didnt think i made a diff in things.. i dun noe y.. this process is hurting me in some way... Right now i am trying to play cheeful mp3s.. it aint working much thu.. sigh.. Its a really big sigh man... i am so so so on a neutral stand to that.. I'm between the devil and the deep blue sea.. cant move either way...
1stly wad i felt was.. is friendship tt fragile? Looking back... me and my frenz have some disputes here and there.. lost some frenz.... but my close buddies still stay.. feeling super duper useless i can do nth...
2ndly Something... something is hurting me inside out.. i am unable to describe it... it is hitting at the boundaries of the life force...
3rdly i am at my wits end.. i am unable to offer miraculous advices nor can i make everything disappear like it nv happen be4.. the only think i can offer u is company.. but.. knowingly, i noe i wun be tt person.. i had the chance too but i lost it.. Yesh.. i am still hopeful...

Escaping from reality wun make things better.. face it.. with all might and courage.. Death nor non-existance wun solve anything.... wish i was the one there... its a contradiction gg in my head.. a nv ending cycle of headaches.. i am falling sick.. gd nite to 28th dec 2004, for there shall be no other such day..

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Back at home...AT LAST! woke up at 8 to get to DE.. do survey.. sheesh.. Nvm it was in the morning.. but the freaking drizzle was sickening.. drizzled the whole day.. gosh.. how humid it was.. Trying to thicken my skin to ask ppl help me do survey.. It was a long survey.. DE wanted a standardized survey.. Alvin enlighten me by saying DE wanted a larger respondent respond.. Their Making use of US!!! Unfortunately.. DE chose my grp's survey.. it was pleasing to the ear at 1st.. but... firstly.. it was unfair for other grps.. they spent time doing up their survey and upon completion.. they have to use ours.. think tt will piss ppl man.. secondly.. alot of my grp ideas were inside.. kaoz.. unfair leh.. thirdly.. for those last min fags.. they have a ready made survey for them to do, aint sure whether there were any but there is a possibility.. Argh.. y ah y?

Anyway.. the survey thingy was ok i guess... gabby got pissed off cos we nv do as much.. or do as hard.. kelly tt biao gia lah.. he say ok ask the ang mohs.. but back down at the last min.. hahaha tt was the last straw for gabby.. poof.. he went over to wild wild wet.. lolz.. Well dad came to pick me uup at 5 ++ I took over the wheel and picked mum for dinner.. long time since we had dinner as a family.. munch munch...

And i feel sickerish again.. No slp + Rain = wilson.. hahah the equation tt tells it all.. too bad couldnt walk under it when it poured like mad.. kekeke.. gg to play bowling later.. i must get back my spin.. do me proud bally!

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Ytd i was feeling so freaking vex.. for no reason.. sheesh.. and it brought over to today.. the Monday Blues was riding esp high man.. So nostalgic, slpt for 3 hrs nia.. didnt even wana turn up for school... Had to thu.. mum and dad were getting impatient... Usual stuff thu.. study.. copy lect notes... suan friends.. got suan... but something wasnt right... Was in the lab scanning thru friendster.. saw a weird nick.. it depicted a sigh ... did some research on it to see wad was gg on.. Fine.. i was kpo.. hahaha whu aint? tried not to think much of it.. but the vex feeling didnt go away.. a sign for things to come..

Came home feeling a lil relieved.. bought myself FHM cos felicia chin was on the cover page... Finished the book on Amour of Light.. shall wit for the next 2 volumes to come out.. the feeling still wasnt gone... However it was overtaken by pure sadness and sympathy towards those lives that were lost to the tsunamis tt roamed the seas... more details could be found out at AmenZ Chan's blog.. he basically pasted the whole damn article on the earthquake... I felt very dejected that 20k of lives were lost like that.. and there was nth i could do abt it... At a pt of time.. a could feel a small droplet of tear forming in my right eye.. I felt the pain of losing a love one so so suddenly.. It hit without warning.. Just like... sigh the memories... But i could imagine their pain were thousand times more painful than i can imagine.. sad...very sad...

After watching some tv.. tot i onlined to check a few emails be4 slping at 10pm which was right after dinner.. Have to conduct a survey at downtown east!!! at 9am!!! gabby set tt timing one.. wah kaoz eh!! i quit MMIT liao lah.. hahahah kidding....
However i was quite worried when i learnt of a certain dispute.. tried my best to think of solutions... used presents to pacify.. haha.. cant sae tt helped much but.. i did try.. Guess i tot too highly of myself.. tot i could help.. couldnt make the mark... I just hope i could do something to help.. dun wanna see friendships like this go to the drain.. i guess the vexness i felt ytd was to prepare me for today.. hahah and freaking.. i am having another headache with a slight increase in temperature.. Off to eat panadols and slp..

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Entries been coming pretty late these few days.. guess its all the xmas partying that's been gg on..

Well xmas to me was a special day to celebrate and feel the singapore atmosphere on a festive mood.. This yr's one was especially hard for me to go thru it.. it felt very different from those xmas moods that i had... Not exactly happy but i've spent a meaning time with my frenz.. On friday, xmas eve, i skipped the 2 hours of tut. cos its rather dumb to go school for just 2 hrs when my travelling time is like 1 odd hr journey.. Woke up feeling nostalgic, wasnt that all hyped up.. took my time to get to cineleisure to meet weipeng to pass her the present i got for her.. its was a lancom perfume with 2 body lotion thingy.. smelt mild but it was pretty nice.. unusual thing was she was late, she's seldom late.. learn that she took a cab and was lucky enuff not to get caught in a jam. By the time she got here, i was ready for another cup of coffee.. she gave me a candy.. xmas present i guess... i rmb eating those candy which my other frens got me.. it all tasted the same.. very the sweet.... we had a chat at the rocky master cafe about everything under the sun.. she changed her hairstyle with steps now.. preferred her previous hairstyle with those dyes thu.. went to find wynn at taka.. chat a lil and vicky came to meet up with wp, off they went and wynn started looking at me weirdly.. hahaha.. i too left not long after to find alvin at GE. lao da was ald there.. It was the bachelor's nite out for us.

Alvin gave me a cig case and liter as present.. hahahaha si bei ge yan... too early still to meet up with ken and wernie so popped over to alvin's hse 1st. meet up with the rest at 7+, sky and his gf lifei were there too.. after a sumptous dinner.. we went to sky's place.. gaming... haha.. couldnt meet up with amenz and the others cos i would have been a wet blanket to my poly frenz. anyway they had a lot of fun by taking funny pics of themselves.. hahaha.. this was the 1st xmas spent with my poly frenz... one tt took me to lao da's hse and won $15 bucks playing "in between"... ken kena the double payment thing, followed by lao da... tt situation was the ultimate where the money pool was so big... me wernie alvin and ken all stood up, hands waving in the air and started running ard in mad circles to suan lao da.. hahaha... its was 3+ and wernie had to work the next day, sent wernie home with the company of ken.. got back to lao da's place and slp.. zuuuu...
Treated them all to breakfast, tot it would have been a more meaningful way of spending my winnings.. the main thing is we all had fun... and i almost forgot.. as the clock striked 12am.. the 1st smell of xmas.. i opened the window and started shouting.. followed by ken and wernie.. haha.. during the time.. i was indeed relieved of all my tension and thoughts.. i was really happy... now as time passed.. reality sets in and i return to my original self... i detest the confusion in my head.. but i certainly would like to have a normal schooling life without the partying and stuff.. i just wanna be normal...

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Merry Xmas to my friends and family!

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Well i wrote a blog in school today, but the sch server was down.. lucky i had my mp3 to store it.. haha here goes... 11:58pm
Hm.. its been a lil while since i blogged... Since i am waiting for ah chan, he releases at 1pm,. and i hav ard 2 hours to rot.. guess its time to jot down some memories... and freak! reached sch at 8:30 to meet Mr Lee for the MMIT survey thingy.. grrr.. tmr still gg to DE there look see... long tiring day tmr...Been having a great time during the past few days thu.. Well i get to catch the man u vs crystal palace match.. yippie ! 5 - 2 was the victorious outcome we came to see...

Went to do some shopping on sunday... Bought some Xmas prezzie and a checked shirt for myself... 1st time getting a checked one, nv like it since young but tot i'd give it a try... Still cracking my mind on wad other present shld i get, its like another 2 more days to Xmas eve.. wanna give it out on that day..

Ytd i had a frustrating time finding for the fone i wanna buy.. saw it ar orchard on sunday but was reluctant to buy.. now seems like other places are selling more expensive than expected.. so today gg to meet chan to get my arse back to wisma to find my hp! 7260.. hopefully the nokia shop there has stock.. den can start my wapping campaign le..

Ytd nite met jackie for a short supper session, seems like he didnt do very good in his last paper, tot i be a kind enuff bruddy to accompany him, besides the fact that i was too tired to drive.. he better appreciate it ~ haha.. he had 2 ko-song and 1 egg prata.. freaking big eater.. his excuse was he didnt have dinner, aiyah big eater just say lor ? hoho..

Been reading books during the last few days, always wanted to sit down and enjoy a good book, now i could do it. Reading this fantasy book called "Amour of Light" by 2 singaporean authors.. rather interesting, just finished a chpt with a twist to the whole story.. friends are calling me weird now that i am reading books.. "great!" i tot, i've become a nerd... haha..

Been wondering how's alvin doing, his BD presentation is on thurs and his kinda rushing it.. kinda worried for him cos i've heard stuff from alvin.. his stress again! the word "Ultimatum" flows into my mind and i think only a rare few would noe wad this word says abt... hahaha.. warned him be4 hand but seems like he himself couldnt take it le.. lolz.. alvin ah alvin.. relac one corner shoot hoon kee... hahaha!!!!!!! (mp3 plaiyng - Li Ren by Lin Zhi Xuan) Hm.. as i am writing this entry at this very instance.. saw this gal in the lib tt just walked in, told gab be4 i had a "soft spot" for tt gal... hahah mainly its a joke...but gab AGREED with me ! hahahaha.. freak...

Mou mou is getting his xbox today.. an unmod one.. gg to cost him another $120 to mod and he wants to get an additional controller, I offered to buy one den “lend” him.. lighten his burden a lil…

Freak… I better get outta the lib.. siam ah!!!! And freaking hell.. the stupid sch’s internet is down also.. cant upload the entry… grrr… sian diao liao lah ! okok I better get gg..

8:11pm
So back to the exact time of 8pm, got a lil disappointed.. couldnt find my hp.. its mostly out of stock.. even if stock was available, it was far more expecsive than wad other shops are quoting me.. seems like i am unable to change a fone.. stuck with my 8250.. full of memories.. So as sianified as i was, i reach the mac at cckcc at 4:30? Started reading "Amour of Light", not bad.. its getting really interesting... read till 6+ be4 i strode off back home.. Feeling extremely slpy now.. fading away by the second.. but have to do the UCCD tut.. better get gg...

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