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Nothing says "I wish I was a secret agent" like a pair of dark aviators.

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I'm Back!

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
For the moment, believe it or not, I have returned. The one, the only, the MoDS.
Music to Wear Aviators To...
If a pair of mirrored aviators could play music, it would sound something like this...
The School Field Trip: Adventure of the Racist Cab Ride
Friday. 1.19.07 3:44 pm
Way back in the old days, back when ManOfDarkSunglasses was still BoyOfDarkSunglasses, he used to attend Hebrew school about once a week. It was your typical not-for-profit organization type of thing... and like all not-for-profit organizations, they engaged in the occasional fundraiser. Be it a charity dinner for the parents to drag their kids to, or a raffel for tickets to Yankee games that always seemed to fall on the most inconvenient of days, or perhaps a field trip that just never seemed to turn out as fun as the mass-mailed flyers made it sound.

This time it was bowling: A short trip to a nearby bowling alley for the students and alumni of the Hebrew school. It was an appealing idea, and when the day finally came for us all to meet at the school in preperation, we were surprised to discover that the van provided for us wasn't big enough to fit everybody. And so, a taxi service was called, and a few of the students were selected to ride to the bowling alley under the watchful supervising eye of an older alumnist.

The driver was friendly enough. Him and the alumni (who I remember being around the age of a high-school senior, although I may have overestimated his age due to my own youth) made some of the usual dull small talk, while I zoned out and watched the traffic. Things were boring... but not for long. For all of a sudden, out of the dull and mindless haze of their prefunctory chit-chat, arose disaster.

"What the hell is wrong with that woman? Isn't she watching the road? Its those gaddamn Japs I tell ya, they just can't drive at all. See, look. She's Asian."

And thus it began. Apparently, this had struck a nerve with our driver, for he spent the next ten minutes or so discussing the poor driving abilities of Japanese people. Actually, it wasn't really much of a discussion... more like a lecture. Or, for the alumnist (who was responsible for taking care of us until we reached the bowling alley) it was more like a ten-minute-long attempt to change the subject. For the three of us kids, on the other hand... well, we didn't really know what to make of it. We had grown up on such multiculturalist PBS shows as "Arthur" and "The Magic Schoolbus". Asians were innately poor at driving? Barney never mentioned that when he was teaching us safety tips for crossing the street. This just didn't make sense...

As if reading our minds, it seemed to suddenly dawn on the driver that he might have gone a bit too far. He concluded the lecture and quickly began attempts at damage control.

"Asians as a race aren't really bad drivers. I mean, the Chinese aren't so bad..."

"But the Japanese," he reiterated, "Are just horrible."

Needless to say, the hebrew school never skimped on the field-trip vans again after that little incident.

Thank you, that is all.

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The New Layout
Thursday. 1.18.07 10:08 pm
Well, all right I guess its not really a new layout... more like heavily modified. But unfortunately, I spent most of my time tonight editing the new banner and getting the background music up, and left myself little time to study for my final tomorrow. And as much as I enjoy writing here, I'm afraid that my future comes before nuTang (though it was a close call). Thus, tonight's blog entry will have to be postponed until tomorrow.

But in the meantime... any thought's on the changes I've made to the page? I'm thinking of removing the music, I'm not sure if it fits.

And if you're wondering who that old guy is in my new banner (the one wearing the sunglasses and smoking the cigar) he's a character from the movie Boondock Saints... best remembered for the following photo:

When the day comes that I have grandkids, I am so gonna be like this guy.

Anyway... let me know what you think of the new layout and music.

Thank you, that is all.

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Springtime for Hitler! (And Germany)
Wednesday. 1.17.07 3:20 pm
Winter, for Poland, and France....

Damn, I watched The Producers last night and now I can't get that song out of my head. All right, so we've established that nuTang isn't exactly the number one fan site for 24... but you guys must at least have some sort of passing familiarity with the Mel Brooks classics... right? Please, tell me you read the title for this entry and said to yourself "Hehe, I remember that movie..." instead of "Hitler? He's still alive?!"

If you still have no clue what I'm talking about (or if you're an old fan in need of a refresher), please turn your attention to the clip below for a crash course on the most infamous of Mel Brooks comedic masterpieces... The one and only, Springtime for Hitler music-and-dance number.

And remember, next time someone tells you to "be a smarty" and join the Nazi party, they either hold some very screwed up political beliefs or some very good taste in films.

Thank you, that is all.

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What Did Los Angeles Ever Do to Them?
Tuesday. 1.16.07 4:36 pm
Anyone else watch the season 6 premier of 24 last night and Sunday? I didn't think so... nuTang doesn't seem to have many fans of 24. For those of you who don't watch 24, imagine a stereotypical 90s action flick spread out over the course of a televised series. For those of you who don't watch stereotypical 90s action flicks, I assume that you've noticed that sensation of an empty void deep within your soul?

That's right, the 90s action flick is an integral part of the American identity. Denying yourself such audiovisual bliss for too long can lead to such adverse effects as a desire to join the democratic party and persuasive communist tendencies. To avoid such a situation, I would suggest starting out on some of the lighter Chuck Norris masterpieces (Delta Force II is a nice introductory work), and slowly building up your tolerance until you feel ready to take on the heavier stuff (Die Hard 1, 2 and 3 are good picks for the intermediate-level 90s fan). The clip below is a good example of what you should be looking for.

But I digress. To begin this season of 24, main character Jack Bauer has been released from his imprisonment in China and is once again working for the U.S. Counter-Terrorism Unit.

I'm sorry, did I say Jack Bauer? I meant Jack Power. Honestly, for all of the times that that man has saved America, he truly deserves the formal superheroization of his name.

I'm sorry, did I say America? I meant Los Angeles. You see, as if drawn to his spectacular embodiment of American ideals like bees drawn to honey, every single terrorist and generic evildoer of the series has chosen to focus their attacks on Jack Bauer's hometown of Los Angeles. Again, for those of you who are not patriotic enough to watch 24, allow me to recap the previous five seasons:

Season 1: Terrorists attempt to assassinate a presidential candidate in Los Angeles.
Season 2: Terrorists attempt to detonate a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles.
Season 3: Terrorists attempt to release a deadly virus in Los Angeles
Season 4: Terrorists attempt to kidnap the Secretary of Defense, meltdown a nuclear reactor, shoot down Air Force One and detonate a nuclear weapon, all in Los Angeles.
Season 5: Terrorists attempt to hijack a Russian submarine to launch its missiles at... Washington D.C.? But only after Jack Bauer stopped their plot to destroy Los Angeles. Oh, and the submarine was in Los Angeles when they hijacked it.

This season, Los Angeles is once again facing the threat of nuclear annihilation at the hands of terrorists. Nonetheless, we can all sleep easy, secure in the knowledge that our nation rest safely in the ever-ready hands of Jack Bauer. And besides, I don't live in L.A. anyway.

Thank you, that is all.

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Tom & Jerry & the Jewish Conspiracy
Monday. 1.15.07 4:29 pm
It has come to my attention through reliable sources (The Iranian Ministry of Propaganda and False Accusations) that Tom and Jerry have been exposed as a ploy of Walt Disney to improve the image of Jews in Europe. I have managed to secure a video report, available at the bottom of this blog entry, which proves this theory beyond a shadow of a doubt.

That's right, those lovable cartoon characters (still visible today as part of Cartoon Network's afternoon programming content) were actually part of our conspiracy to take control of the world. You see, back in the 40s, Europeans were starting to call us Jews nasty names like "dirty mice". So, we figured that we'd take the lemons and make lemonade, and trick you all into thinking of us mice as cute, lovable creatures. To accomplish this, we commissioned Walt Disney to create Tom & Jerry. This wasn't easy, seeing as Walt was a known antisemite and all, but apparently we pulled it off.

But if Disney created the cartoon, then why was there an MGM logo at the beginning each episode, you ask?

Well, that too can be explained. You see, Walt Disney only wanted to pay the Jewish Conspiracy 5% of the royalties for Tom & Jerry, which was unacceptable. But since Disney had created the cartoon, he owned the copyright and we were bound by our contract to produce it through him. So, using the nuclear-powered time machine that Albert Einstein had secretly built for us, we took Disney's proposal back in time and asked MGM to produce it instead, in exchange for 6% royalties. They agreed, and Tom & Jerry immediately went to work seducing the minds of children and adults everywhere. It was a great success, and managed to usher in an era of peace and prosperity all over Europe throughout the 1940s.

And we would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids...

Thank you, that is all.

Tom & Jerry and the Jewish Conspiracy

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The Blog Entry that Never Was...
Monday. 1.15.07 12:51 pm
Attention citizens:

In accordance with a condition of mental emergency declared in response to the imminent attack of educational anomalies known as "finals", today's blog entry has been indefinitely detained on charges of time-wasting. For your daily dose of humor and hilarity, please refer to the blog's of theZebra and RandomJunk.

Alternatively, if you feel the distinct urge to enjoy my own unique brand of comedy, please turn your attention to the video below.
Thank you, that is all.

So true...

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