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What Did Los Angeles Ever Do to Them?
Tuesday. 1.16.07 4:36 pm
Anyone else watch the season 6 premier of 24 last night and Sunday? I didn't think so... nuTang doesn't seem to have many fans of 24. For those of you who don't watch 24, imagine a stereotypical 90s action flick spread out over the course of a televised series. For those of you who don't watch stereotypical 90s action flicks, I assume that you've noticed that sensation of an empty void deep within your soul?
That's right, the 90s action flick is an integral part of the American identity. Denying yourself such audiovisual bliss for too long can lead to such adverse effects as a desire to join the democratic party and persuasive communist tendencies. To avoid such a situation, I would suggest starting out on some of the lighter Chuck Norris masterpieces (Delta Force II is a nice introductory work), and slowly building up your tolerance until you feel ready to take on the heavier stuff (Die Hard 1, 2 and 3 are good picks for the intermediate-level 90s fan). The clip below is a good example of what you should be looking for.
But I digress. To begin this season of 24, main character Jack Bauer has been released from his imprisonment in China and is once again working for the U.S. Counter-Terrorism Unit.
I'm sorry, did I say Jack Bauer? I meant Jack Power. Honestly, for all of the times that that man has saved America, he truly deserves the formal superheroization of his name.
I'm sorry, did I say America? I meant Los Angeles. You see, as if drawn to his spectacular embodiment of American ideals like bees drawn to honey, every single terrorist and generic evildoer of the series has chosen to focus their attacks on Jack Bauer's hometown of Los Angeles. Again, for those of you who are not patriotic enough to watch 24, allow me to recap the previous five seasons:
Season 1: Terrorists attempt to assassinate a presidential candidate in Los Angeles.
Season 2: Terrorists attempt to detonate a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles.
Season 3: Terrorists attempt to release a deadly virus in Los Angeles
Season 4: Terrorists attempt to kidnap the Secretary of Defense, meltdown a nuclear reactor, shoot down Air Force One and detonate a nuclear weapon, all in Los Angeles.
Season 5: Terrorists attempt to hijack a Russian submarine to launch its missiles at... Washington D.C.? But only after Jack Bauer stopped their plot to destroy Los Angeles. Oh, and the submarine was in Los Angeles when they hijacked it.
This season, Los Angeles is once again facing the threat of nuclear annihilation at the hands of terrorists. Nonetheless, we can all sleep easy, secure in the knowledge that our nation rest safely in the ever-ready hands of Jack Bauer. And besides, I don't live in L.A. anyway.
Thank you, that is all.
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