Its late afternoon outside Okayama Station, where our small squadron of Americans is congregating by an elegant fountain and discussing American stuff. Sex, money, and of course food. Delicious as Japanese home-style cooking may be, I have come to long for the simple New York days of pizza, burgers and other fast food. And so, when one of the girls in our group mentions that she saw a bagel shop just inside the station that morning, I suddenly leap to attention.

I immediately launch into a thorough interrogation of the girl. Where was this legendary shop? What had it looked like? And most importantly, how could I find it.

Five minutes later, I stood before its wonderful storefront. It was even better than I had anticipated. Not only had I discovered a bagel place, but it was actually named "New York Style Bagels". I begin to look over the menu... And then look up at the cashier in bewilderment.

"Hello," I say, "I am from New York."

"Oh, really?" She says with a smile.

"Yes." I respond. Then, doing my best to communicate an attitude of friendly confusion, I point to what appears to be a "shrimp and tofu" bagel on their menu and say (in the most coherent Japanese that I can muster) "We do not have this in New York."

"Oh, I see." She responds with a little chuckle.

With a resigned smile, I sigh and order myself a cream cheese bagel.

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Outside a KFC in Kyoto...



I'm surprised they didn't give him the traditional two samurai swords. After all, he is a colonel.

On a less enjoyable note, I am now stateside once again, working at a summer camp for the remainder of the summer. Nonetheless, I am hardly done recounting all of my wondrous tales from the mysterious east... stay tuned.

Thank you, that is all.

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[At Tamano High School in Okayama, Japan]

*I approach a group of two Americans speaking with two Japanese high school girls*

* 'Do you know the movie Kill Bill?' asks an American.*

*Students look puzzled.*

* 'Kill Bill' the American repeats*

*Students talk amongst themselves in beffudled beffudlement.*

*American begins to wave her arm as if she were holding a sword.*

* 'You know, Kill Bill, with Uma Thurman... swordfights, blood...' says the American*

*Students look even more beffuddled*

*I clear my throat*

* 'Kirr Birr?' I ask tentatively*

*Faces of students light up in recognition.*

* 'Reehhh! Kirr Birr! Hai hai hai! Shiteru!' says students*

[30 seconds later]

* 'Do you know Jet Li?' asks another American.*

*Students look puzzled.*

*I clear my throat*

* `Jeto Ri?` I ask tentatively*

*Faces of students light up in recognition.*

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[At a Buddhist Temple in Asakusa, Tokyo]

*Old man approaches our group of Americans*

*We look at old man*

*Old man looks at us.*

*Old man speaks a sentence of Japanese*

*We don't speak Japanese*

*Old man looks at us puzzled.*

*We look at old man puzzled.*

*Old man points to nearby statue.*

*'Buddha' old man says.*

*We nod in fascination.*

*Old man pulls out cell phone.*

*Old man points to Buddha figurine attached by key-chain to cell phone.*

*'Buddha' old man says.*

*We nod in fascination*

*Old man points to Hello Kitty figurine attached by chain to cell phone.*

*'Meow' old man says*

*We all break out laughing.*

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I emerge from Okayama station on a late afternoon in the Japanese rainy season, accompanied by a couple of fellow Americans. We munch on some snacks purchased from the train station vendors, and talk loudly in English. Being an American in Okayama is a kind of celebrity status. As opposed to Tokyo, where foreigners just melt into the other crowds of tourists, Okayama is a much less popular destination for non-Japanese. Thus, we attract the usual covert stares, and... to be honest, probably make a point of talking a little louder just for the hell of it.

As we cross the open area in front of the station, we pass a few schoolgirls... crisply uniformed in their manditory skirt and white shirt school clothes... sitting on a bench and chatting. I barely notice them, but a few steps later one of my comrades breaks from our conversation regarding the curiously high popularity of Red Hot Chilly Peppers cell phone ringtones among the Japanese middle-aged, turns to me, and says 'I think that girl was just checking out your ass.'

'Really?' I ask in surprise.

'It definetely looked like it. She was staring after you when we walked past.'

So I turn around, and sure enough... the girl on the end of the bench is still staring at us. Suddenly filled with that classic American bravado that only really exists in the imaginations of Hollywood script-writers and the foreigners who watch their movies, I turn fully to her, grin, wave, and then turn around again without another look back. My friends chuckle, and we move on without another thought.

Half an hour later, I return to catch my train back to my host family's house. Before I know it, I'm passing by the same bench, this time with more highschoolers around it. Among the throng, I recognize the girls from before, just as they recognize me. A sudden burst of brave-in-an-nervous-sort-of-Japanese-accented-way 'Herro!' calls burst from the crowd, and I jump back in surprise. Suddenly, the American bravado rushes back, and before I know it, I'm grinning arrogantly again, feeling like a jewish Tom Cruise (he's very popular here).

'Herro, nihonjin!' I call back, in the same Japanese-accented style. Wondering what else to do, I finally decide to grace them all with a stereotypically cocky American salute, and then march off with stereotypical American pride to my train.

'I love Japan,' I think to myself, as I listen to the nervously excited giggles that I've left in my wake and observe the puzzled looks of those around me as I break out into a loudly-hummed rendition of 'Yankee Doodle'.

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The day has finally come. I'm off to board an early morning flight to Los Angeles, and then Tokyo, and then move by train to Okayama. Who can tell what sorts of fascinating adventures await the ManOfDarkSunglasses on his mysterious journey? Stay tuned...

Thank you, that is all.

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