Me: do you think turtles are scary at all?
Varsha: i think it's just you
Me: no, i never had a fear of them before today
Me: except for in the ocean
Varsha: what happened today?
Me: oh, i had this dream last night
Me: i was in a different house that had a pool
Me: there was a walkway over the pool, made of wood
Me: the whole place was kind of dirty and unkempt
Me: anyway, there were a couple of brown ducks swimming around in the water
Me: (i was on the walkway)
Me: and i was like "oh, ducks!"
Me: and then this gigantic duck... walked through the fence or something...
Me: and i was like "fuck! duck!"
Me: so i screamed to my mom, "MOM! there's a freaking huge duck here! what did you do!"
Me: and she replied "oh, we were using the backyard to experiment"
Me: "we were making animals gigantic"
Me: and then this really huge cow came through the fence
Me: and i was freaked out
Me: (these animals looked really plasticky and were about the size of Hummers)
Me: so that was scary enough
Me: but THEN
Me: THEN i was still standing there, and the huge duck and cow had vanished
Me: and this totally MASSIVE turtle appeared
Me: scariest thing i've ever dreamt, i swear
Me: i thought it was going to eat me
Me: it was the size of a freakin' house!
Me: a really BIG house
Me: so i was screaming madly
Me: because i was extremely terrified
Me: and now i am slightly afraid of turtles
Varsha: oh wow
Varsha: sorry, man, but that's pretty funny
Me: i don't know, usually the feelings you get in dreams, they don't stay when you wake up
Me: but i'm still scared of turtles
Varsha: that is odd
Varsha: but still funny
Me: man, if you saw a turtle the size of a house, i think you would be very frightened of them too
Me: or maybe not
Me: but probably
Varsha: well yeah
Varsha: if it was in real life
Me: i just can't shake the image of the turtle
Varsha: maybe if you saw a normal turtle it'll soothe the nerves?
Me: i really don't know...
Varsha: no harm in trying
Me: where am i going to find a turtle?
Varsha: doesn't tiffany have one?
Me: it was a certain kind of turtle though
Varsha: oh jeez
Me: that kind that always looks mean
Varsha: the mean species of turtle now is it?
Me: i can tell you're not taking me completely serious
Me: that was a scary fucking dream!
Me: oh, i don't know what kind it was X|
Me: but turtles... they have this evil gleam in their eye
Me: i've seen it before but it never made a difference to me
Varsha: maybe they just don't like you?
Me: maybe they hate me
Me: they look like those bitter old men, really they do
Me: the kind that want to beat you with a cane because you're a whippersnapper
Varsha: maybe you should stop doing things that whippersnappers love to do
And also, because I have apparently never posted it?
Me: once upon a time... there were five small orphans
Me: panda orphans
Me: with clothes
Varsha: the saddest kind
Me: made from cheese
Me: the clothes were made of cheese, not the panda orphans
Me: one day they got so hungry that they had to eat their cheese-clothes
Me: so then they were naked
Me: and still orphans
Me: and one panda telepathically sent a message to another one
Me: because pandas can't talk like we can
Me: and it thought
Me: "we need to find new clothes, new parents, and food"
Me: and the other one telepathically responded: "BAMBOO BAMBOO BAMBOO"
Me: which of course was the appropriate way to reply
Varsha: oh, but of coruse
Me: so they trekked across the stars looking for the things they needed
Me: well, wanted and needed
Me: after many eons they realized that they could not breathe in space because there was no air
Me: and they didn't last long enough to understand that if they just believed they could breathe then they would be saved
Me: so they all imploded and had horrible naked deaths in the vacuum of space
Me: and that is why pandas are almost extinct
Me: the end
Varsha: i was told about some random poachers before hand
Varsha: thank you, ------
Varsha: thank you for opening my eyes to the truth!
Me: just doing my job
Varsha: well, you were brilliant
Varsha: here's $400 for your cause!
Me: why thank you
Me: i will spend it on cheese-clothes for pandas
Varsha: ...but they might eat them
Varsha: shouldn't you get them real clothes?
Me: if i get them cheese-clothes then they can eat them if they need to
Me: multipurpose items are important to survival
Varsha: ...but isn't that unsanitary?
Me: they're pandas
Me: and everyone knows pandas are antibacterial
Me: ever since 1894
Varsha: hey, SORRY, but no one ever told me!
Varsha: how can you people do this?!
Varsha: keeping valuable information from me?!
Me: sorry, i guess i figured you would know
Me: another reason why pandas are endangered is because people use them to make antibacterial products
Me: it's really a horrible thing but it's apparently the most economical
Varsha: that's why they call them "panda shots"!
Varsha: they're made from REAL PANDAS!
Me: some people pretend they're made from fake pandas, but they know the truth
Dude: (DID YOU SEE I USED THAN RIGHT)
Me: oh my! such improvement!
Dude: YAY!. see i told you i would start to after a while =p. just need to be trained.
Me: ...like a dog?
Me: perhaps i should hit you on the nose with a virtual newspaper every time you use a word incorrectly
Me: "bad boy! no! it has an apostrophe!"
Dude: i'll bite you bitch.
Me: then you get to sleep outside
Me: on the grass
why did you put up a "looking at porn and enjoying it a lot" face?
Its my Gary Busey face
"Jizz In My Pants" face
seems more like "was enjoying porn and then accidentally clicked on 2 Girls 1 Cup"