Varsha: you know what that smilie looks like?
Varsha: it looks like it has a fang
randomjunk: quite a useless fang, then
Varsha: yeah. i mean you might as well have two fangs or none....what would you do with one?
randomjunk: pop toddlers' balloons for mean-spirited fun?
Varsha: sounds twisted
Varsha: so you'd let a loose single-fanged vampire into a daycare?
randomjunk: perhaps, if he's been neutered sufficiently
Varsha: i dunno, man
Varsha: how'll you tell?
Varsha: "maybe i'm just like my father/ too bold"
randomjunk: let's see.....
randomjunk: perhaps we would have a "kick in the crotch" test
Varsha: would that work for a vampire's blood-sucking gland?
Varsha: is it a gland anyway?
Varsha: i mean...what is it?
randomjunk: i think, to neuter a vampire, you would have to get rid of his ability to turn others into vampires
Varsha: so you'd kick him in his crotch to stop him from turning humans into vampires?
randomjunk: well, perhaps that and just to see if it hurt him
Varsha: what if the vampire's a girl?
randomjunk: ....i have no idea....
randomjunk: you can't really go around kicking people in the boobs, can you?
Varsha: no, don't think so
Varsha: that might make them think that you were making a pass at them or soemthing
randomjunk: ah, good point
randomjunk: in that case, i'd probably have to add
randomjunk: "i have kicked you in your boob not because i am showing affection, but because i desire to halt your vampire-production"
Varsha: they might have finished attacking you while you were midway into your speech there
randomjunk: that could be a problem
Varsha: just the tiniest one
randomjunk: perhaps i should leave off with the vampire-kicking
randomjunk: it seems it will get me nowhere
Varsha: maybe you should lightly criticize the female vampire
Varsha: play with the emotional aspect
randomjunk: she will run off crying and i will be triumphant
Varsha: and that'll give you the upper hand so that you can figure out how to disengage her vampire-production gland or whatever it is that makes that happen
randomjunk: i will give her vampire-birth-control
randomjunk: in a mixed flavored soda
Varsha: don't forget some in the baked goods
Varsha: brownies and cookies
randomjunk: of course
randomjunk: i must not forget that, for it is crucial to my plan
randomjunk: to neuter all vampires
Varsha: good luck to you on your endeavor
Varsha: i shall supply the flavored sodas
randomjunk: that is very thoughtful of you
Varsha: as i cannot bake unless in connections with ready-to-bake supplies
Varsha: no prob
Varsha: it must be researched
Varsha: INTO THE LAB!
randomjunk: down the poles!
randomjunk: where's the Batmobile?!
randomjunk: YOU SAID IT CAME BACK FROM THE SHOP!
Varsha: i'm sorry!
Varsha: i'm so sorry
Varsha: i must've forgotten when michael called
Varsha: i couldn't help it!
Varsha: oh man!
randomjunk: damn that Michael
Varsha: i'm so busted!
randomjunk: he will be the end of me
Varsha: i'm sorry!!!!
Varsha: he means well!
randomjunk: so he says...
Varsha: he didn't mean to crash the car into the pole!
randomjunk: that Michael....
randomjunk: damn him! damn him into Superdickery!
Varsha: no! not superdickery!
randomjunk: i'm sorry
randomjunk: but this is how it must happen
Varsha: he means well!
randomjunk: i'm afraid Michael has got to go!
randomjunk: it's better this way
Varsha: *sob* no!
Varsha: i've got to warn michael
Varsha: *runs away*
randomjunk: no! no!
randomjunk: you have to understand!
randomjunk: Michael is a pure Superdick!
Varsha: i can't!
Varsha: it's too much!
randomjunk: if we can't send him to Superdickery, we're going to have to neuter him
randomjunk: you know how it has to be
randomjunk: if you love something... let it go
Varsha: you'll see
Varsha: you'll see!
Varsha: he'll come back to me!
randomjunk: no, he won't
randomjunk: i'm sorry Varsha
randomjunk: but he doesn't love you
randomjunk: he's been using you to get mixed flavored sodas
randomjunk: i didn't want to have to be the one to tell you
Varsha: i can't....i can't bare it!
Varsha: it's always been the sodas hasn't it?
randomjunk: i... i think so
Varsha: oh gosh
Varsha: oh gosh, how could i not have seen it coming
Varsha: he always locked himself inside the pantry
Varsha: always licked the inside of the soda caps
randomjunk: it was just a ploy, all along
Varsha: i can't believe i've been fooled for so long
Varsha: let's see how he likes it when i smash his favorite CD and flush it down the toilet!
randomjunk: how will he live without Britney Spears?!?!
Varsha: he'll jsut have to deal with it
Varsha: quit cold turkey
Varsha: that bleepin' bleep
randomjunk: i totally agree
randomjunk: what a bleepin' bleep bleep son of a bleep
Varsha: that's it!
Varsha: that's what he is!
Varsha: he can go to bleepin' bleep for all i care!
randomjunk: bleepin' bleep...?
randomjunk: but none but the worst are banished there!
Varsha: he is one of the wost
Varsha: lying to me
Varsha: lying to his family
Varsha: lying to himself!
randomjunk: lying to Britney Spears
Varsha: he can lie to her anytime he wants!
Varsha: he lay around all the time listening to her voice!
Varsha: picturing her in his mind!
Varsha: that bleepin' bleep of a bleep!
randomjunk: more like picturing her in his jacket
randomjunk: he has a really weird jacket fetish
Varsha: ew, i know, i never got what that was about
randomjunk: it's a frightening thing, that jacket fetish
Varsha: i brought up the idea of going to see a professional
Varsha: but then he turned me down and turned to britney
Varsha: things only got worse from there
randomjunk: you're better off without that bleep bleepzor
Varsha: thanks, man
Varsha: you are such a good friend
randomjunk: i think, the only thing for us to do now...
randomjunk: is neuter him or send him to Superdickery
Varsha: he's got to learj
Varsha: gotta get clean
Varsha: we'll see how things go from there, i guess
randomjunk: maybe you can give him a forty seventh chance
Varsha: no way
Varsha: we are SO over
randomjunk: or maybe we're going to have to take out the garden shears
randomjunk: and neuter him good