I'm pretty sure that everyone who uses any instant messaging program has at least one of these things. I know I always have lots. I just don't want to keep making new posts just to show them. :P

Feel free to post your own conversations. I'll probably double-post a lot since I have so much to share...

Me: you KNOW that would never work
Angie: whatever
Angie: its like your plan to destroy humanity
Me: ...
Me: a girl can have dreams!

Joey:
if i was at a blind internet date, and i never seen this girl, and we met at a resturaunt the next day
Joey:
and she was REALLY REALLY fat
Joey:
and REALLY REALLY ugly
Joey:
would it hurt to tell her?
Me:
er...

wiseguysupreme4: You...like the taste of chlorine?
Romanticocabrita: Yes I do.
Romanticocabrita: Only on humans.
Romanticocabrita: There's a certain mix of sweat and chlorine...
Romanticocabrita: Eeh./
Romanticocabrita: Anyway.
Romanticocabrita: :3
wiseguysupreme4: *gag*

Hey, ya never know what turns people on. :P

No freaking kidding. Hahaha.

At least it's out in the open. Better than those people who repress everything and end up going into like, BDSM when they're old. Creeeeeeeepy.

Sophia: are you really typing?
Sophia: i don't think so
Me: sorry
Me: there was a knot of spaghetti that needed attending to
Sophia: that's okay
Sophia: but to repent
Sophia: will you tell me what a knot of spaghetti is?
Me: a complex ritual involving pasta, sacrifice, and airplanes
Sophia: ooh
Sophia: sounds exciting
Sophia: can you share more, or is it secret?
Me: well
Me: in order for airplanes to fly safely, we must appease the air gods
Me: the only offering they accept is pasta
Sophia: *nods* that makes sense...
Me: so we have to sacrifice the pasta, by boiling it until it's dead
Me: and limp
Me: you see, for pasta, there's no rigor mortis
Me: they get floppy
Me: so then you offer up the pasta water to the gods
Me: because they aren't physical
Me: they're sort of in an interesting state of existence
Me: it's like offering fat to Greek gods
Me: then you eat the pasta
Me: or meat, if it's Greek gods
Sophia: wow
Sophia: i'm impressed

Sophia: i'm going to get water
Sophia: did you appease the water gods?
Me: i don't need to appease the water gods
Me: they can only control wild water
Me: and i don't really go far enough into wild water to need to make sacrifices to them
Sophia: dude
Sophia: only wild water?
Sophia: !??
Me: well the air gods can only control wild air
Sophia: you could have saved me so much ritual material if you had just told me earlier
Sophia: dang
Me: the water gods aren't very demanding, though
Me: they'll settle for a newborn baby every hundred years
Me: or one of those little calendars you get in the mail
Sophia: oh those
Sophia: i use them
Sophia: but... we all must make sacrifices
Me: yes
Me: baby sacrifices!
Sophia: nooo
Me: they're not very punctual
Me: usually they collect the baby about ninety years after it's due
Sophia: oh...
Me: so you see, usually they only get dead old people
Me: or almost dead old people
Sophia: oh
Sophia: and that appeases them?
Me: yeah
Me: what they do with the "baby" is basically they just like to sniff it
Me: babies are like crack to water gods

Amazing. Simply amazing.

wiseguysupreme4: You know what I think?
wiseguysupreme4: I think that the food you eat gets teleported.
FlyingKat419: ?
FlyingKat419: to where?
wiseguysupreme4: Somewhere in space, there's an asteroid.
wiseguysupreme4: And on that asteroid, there's a stomach as big as a house.
FlyingKat419: theres probably more than one
wiseguysupreme4: Just sitting there. Pink and gurgling.
FlyingKat419: u should write a sci fi book about that
wiseguysupreme4: Pah.
wiseguysupreme4: It's not interesting enough.
wiseguysupreme4: You'd have a very boring stomach.
FlyingKat419: u just have to make it a malevolent stomach
FlyingKat419: that want to control the universe
wiseguysupreme4: Through you?
FlyingKat419: and make a Captain Amazing who will save the galaxy
FlyingKat419: in his cool shiney state of the art ship
wiseguysupreme4: Just the galaxy? I thought the whole Universe was at danger.
wiseguysupreme4: Is he galaxy-ist?
FlyingKat419: probably
wiseguysupreme4: (racist)
wiseguysupreme4: Let their Captain Amazings solve their own problems.
FlyingKat419: but then theres this heroine who comes along and makes him want to save the universe b/c shes from a different galaxy made up of tree huggers
wiseguysupreme4: And they coexist with a galaxy made up of trees!
FlyingKat419: yup
wiseguysupreme4: So that's two extra galaxies to save.
wiseguysupreme4: And he's like, "might as well."
FlyingKat419: yup
FlyingKat419: b/c theres got to be a cheesy love story in there
wiseguysupreme4: Then they're make a movie out of it.
wiseguysupreme4: *they'll*
FlyingKat419: yup
wiseguysupreme4: Well, what happens to the other Captain Amazins?
wiseguysupreme4: amazings
FlyingKat419: theres only one
wiseguysupreme4: Oh.
FlyingKat419: thats why hes special
wiseguysupreme4: There goes that plot hole.
FlyingKat419: and why the heroine thinks hes worth the effort
wiseguysupreme4: So how do they meet?
wiseguysupreme4: Is she planning to use him, but in the end she really loves him?
wiseguysupreme4: Or just happy coincidence?
FlyingKat419: either
FlyingKat419: and there has to be a weird alien sidekick
FlyingKat419: or it could be a robot
wiseguysupreme4: Eh. Robots are a bit overused these days.

Write a comic book about Captain Amazing and chances are it'll be made into a movie. :P

Angie: omg...i think i just convinced phoebe you can get prego from kissing
Angie: and i was joking!
Me: Prego the pasta sauce?

lauren: my dog crapped in my room
I am pissed
what is more anoying is that my parents did nto notice till today

me: what? how did they take so long to notice it?

Lauren: they did not think to look in my room
I am at home I come up stairs to my room and thats what I fould
*found
dogcrap and piss that has been there for 2 days

me: I mean... wouldn't it give off... I dunno.. A odor?
A odor that ur parents would be able 2 smell?

Lauren: ya they smelled it but thought it was my grandma

me: oh... damn... that's messed up

Lauren: ya I smacked my dog for punishment
a couple of times

Aww, poor dog. Although it really should be housebroken...

Yea, that's what Lauren thought too...

I dug Deep down in the archives for this one:

this was between me and my friend quint and it was talking about another person we both know...

DarkDragon3008: I hope he dies.
DarkDragon3008: I hope a plane crash lands directly on top of him.
DarkDragon3008: And then he's brutally raped.
DarkDragon3008: And gets his wrists and throat cut.
DarkDragon3008: And raped again.
DarkDragon3008: Then shit on.
DarkDragon3008: Repeatedly.
DarkDragon3008: That would make my day.
machinaviperpheo: Damn, that's so cruel
DarkDragon3008: I think it's funny. Imagine it.
DarkDragon3008: BOOM!
DarkDragon3008: FUCK FUCK FUCK
DarkDragon3008: CUT
DarkDragon3008: FUCK FUCK FUCK
DarkDragon3008: SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT
DarkDragon3008: HAHAHA!

Good thing there are no old people here waiting to swoop down and censor stuff?

Me: my bottom lip tastes like kettle corn :S
Me: but my upper lip tastes like... lip
Angie: great...
Me: this is strange, because i haven't eaten any kettle corn
Me: or lips
Angie: glad to hear it?
Angie: ...
Me: just thought i'd share
Angie: well were you making out with anyone who just ate kettle corn?
Me: why....
Me: no
Me: actually, i wasn't
Me: at least not to my knowledge
Angie: well then that is very odd