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dave
Age. 31
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. Chinese
Location Valley Village, CA
School. Cornell Univ
» More info.
smackdown and ecw
165th day of 2006
As many of you might've guessed, I was recently invited to wwe smackdown and the premiere of ecw to prove my warriorhood. That's how most stories begin, and that's exactly how this one began.

I always arrive in style. To these events, I arrived in an ambulance. Little did I know, I was about to get ambushed by a couple middle aged guys wearing blue TEMS shirts, some random street wrestler in a fake leather jacket, and Taz, a might warrior who was carrying a cleverly disguised weapon.


After I successful fought my way out of that mess, I entered the arena to face my real challengers.


My bro came with me and we said our goodbyes. He knew there was only a 2% chance of my surviving the night. But then again, I also drink 2% milk.


Undertaker was my first opponent. He had an infamous reputation of disemboweling his opponents alive and crushing their skulls in his gigantic, smelly armpit as they scream for mercy and a higher-paying contract.

However, as Vince Mcdonalds, the inventor of unrealistic fighting, soon realized, I was a seasoned warrior who read the Book of Calamari Wresting (BoCW). As it turns out, the Undertaker, who used Macabre Ghoul's Claw style of wrestling was unable to defend himself against the slippery jabs and python-like tongue whips of CW.

And then it happened! Vince sent his minions into the opium ring and true, undeniably mayhem quickly ensued.


As you can clearly see from the pictures above, I am winning the battle against the 187 other wrestlers that were all simultaneously attacking my groins in the opium ring.


I win!! I win!!! But, don't let my bestial cries of victory fool you. Fifty-four of my 289 organs exploded during the course of these battles, including my 4 lungs and 2 gills. I lost 8 gallons of blood, including 4 pints that bled from my body through my opponents' hearts and 16 pints that were discovered 2 days lat0r in an old, abandoned well in the Mexican village of San Buanito belonging to an old chupacabra farmer known by all as El Bano.

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The College Survival Guide (for cheapskates)
163th day of 2006
You may be wondering why you are here, reading this crappy blog. Well, I'll tell you why! It's because you're a cheapskate. Birds of a feather flock together.

Don't be embarrassed by it, though. Don't ever be. In fact, though few people openly admit to being a complete cheapskate (I am one of the few), over 98% of the US are complete cheapskates.

Anyway, the reason you are here is because you are a cheapskate and you want to learn the art of surviving college as a complete cheapskate. Let me teach you this rare (martial) art. As the biggest and cheapest cheapskate on campus, I am a pundit on this topic.

The College Survival Guide (for cheapskates)
College is an expensive endeavor. Though your parents are probably paying for all of your college expenses (because you're a cheapskate), you should hold you weight by becoming the biggest cheapskate you can be.

In the cheapskate's mind, there are two types of expenses: necessary ones and unnecessary ones. A necessary expense is defined as a cost that is required to survive. For instance, housing and food are two necessary expenses. An unnecessary expense is not needed for survival. An example would be getting a haircut.

Your first step, thus, is to eliminate all unnecessary expenses. Don't get a bus pass (walk instead). Don't get haircuts (steal a rubberband from someone). Don't get a gym membership (do push-ups).

The necessary expenses are the problems. But, remember, as Sebastian Voltaire once said, there is no problem with no solution. Let me share some solutions.

Problem 1 - clothing
I assume you already have clothing. The objective then is not spend any more money on clothing during the entirety of your college years, while still increasing the size of your wardrobe. This is very easy to do!

You see, usually two times a year, many people come to campus to give college students free clothes. These benefactors all gather in the same room and put their free and new clothes on tables for college students to come and take. This is often called the cheapskate's christmas -- aka the career fair. Do not miss career fairs!

Problem 2 - books
College textbooks are incredibly expensive -- IF you buy them from the campus store.

Here are some tips for finding cheap textbooks:
- always buy your textbooks online
- use search engines that search for used books, e.g. www.campusbooks.com
- the cheapest ones are the low-price-edition paperbacks (aside: these books smell like gasoline, but who cares)

Problem 3 - stationary
For most pens, pencils, and the like, you can get them for free from the "cheapskate's christmas" events. In the beginning of the school year, you just need to go to some offices to swipe a few pens (e.g. career services office, registrars office). Or, you can always ask to borrow a pen from someone you know you'll never talk to (hopefully and see) again, and just conveniently forget to return his pen.

For paper, there's usually a box of free scrap paper by the public printers (public printers can be found in the libraries). If no librarian is looking, I think you're allowed to take fresh paper from the printer. When such an opportunity strikes, be true to your cheapskate heart and take as much as you can.

Problem 4 - housing
Try to sublet each semester. There two reasons for this:
1. the sublet price is cheaper than the original rent
2. you don't need to pay for extra months when you're not in school -- i.e. winter and summer months
If you're even cheaper than me (first, I give you my respek), you might be able to knock off this huge expense by living in campus buildings (like libraries). Good luck, my friend.

Problem 5 - food
Try and adopt the college student's lifestyle of going to bed at 3am and waking up at noon. This way, you wake up for lunch and, like magic, you saved yourself a meal.

EDIT: And, of course, hit the infosessions! (How could I have forgotten in my original post? I need to sharpen my cheapskate prowess.) Anyway, go to your school's career services website and look up all the infosessions. Infosessions are always in the evening and always provide free food (and maybe drinks). In other words, infosessions = free dinners. Note: oftentimes, multiple companies hold their infosessions on the same night. The infosessions with the best food are held by the investment banks.

If you must subscribe to a campus meal/dining plan, go for the cheapest plan. The most obvious reason for this is because the plans are extremely overpriced. It's much cheaper to eat microwaved rabid squirrels and grass salads.

Furthermore, usually the cheapest plan allows you one campus meal a day. In college, the dining hall typically operates like a buffet. A buffet = all-you-can-eat = a cheapskate's dream. There is like no security in a college dining hall, so just bring in your bookbag and purloin enough food for the coming day(s).

Well, this is all for now. I wish you luck in your ambitious and honorable goal of becoming a complete cheapskate. Remember, whenever you face the quandary of needing to spend money, take the time to ask yourself... Do I really need to spend money for this?

Do I really need to buy this CD to listen to this music... or can I download it?
Do I really need to go to the theatre to watch this movie... or can I download it?
Do I really need to purchase a legitimate copy of this software... or can I download it?
Do I really need to eat food tonight.. or can I download an image of it and print it from my roommate's printer when he's out of the room using the bathroom and then eat the paper that the image was printed on?

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getting away with murder
155th day of 2006
"I haven't shut off my laptop since 1997," my friend said to me.

I then took out my glock and fired two shots into his head, through both his eyes. No one lies to me... not even my friend.

So I joined last.fm. At first, I thought the site was real cool, but a few hours later, it became quite clear that the site sucked.

I want to start another site.

Next week, I'll be going to WWE Smackdown w/ my bro.


I still need to find some temporary housing in the LA area.

Here's a picture from the comic book convention. There were a lot of Spawns.


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It's been a damn while
152th day of 2006
Twas a long time since my last entry.

I've since graduated (again!) from grad school. You can now call me master dave.

Many friendly folks have been complaining about the spam on their comments. Sorry for not getting around to fixing it till now. Anyway, I implemented captcha, as recommended by chloefoxx. Let me know if you have any problems or still have the spam problem. I'll send my dawgsters after the culprits.

At the bottom of this month I'll be moving to the west coast.. to live the life of a movie star in LA.


My friend showed this blingo thing today. You should all join, because it's just like google, except you can win prizes for using their search engine. In fact, her bf has already won twice, so this is no hoax! Be sure to join under my referral URL so that everytime you win, I win too! Here are the rules, as taken verbatim from their site:
1. We pick a bunch of random winning times.
2. The first person to search after the winning time wins instantly.
3. Then tell us where to send the prize.

What I did this semester...
* went to the last U.S. Guns N' Roses concert (5/17). It was totally awesome. Surprise guests included Sebastian Bach (of Skid Row), Kid Rock, and Izzy (from the original gnr lineup). Here's the setlist to get your saliva fermenting:
1. Welcome to the Jungle
2. It's So Easy
3. Mr. Brownstone
4. Live and Let Die
5. Think About You (w/ Izzy Stradlin)
6. Robin solo / Sweet Child O' Mine
7. Better
8. Knockin' on Heaven's Door
9. Dizzy solo / The Blues
10. Bumble solo / You Could Be Mine
11. November Rain
12. Out ta Get Me
13. Richard + Robin solo / My Michelle (ft. Sebastian Bach)
14. Rocket Queen
15. Patience (w/ Izzy Stradlin)
16. Madagascar
17. IRS
18. Richard solo / Nightrain (w/ Izzy Stradlin & Kid Rock)
19. Chinese Democracy
20. Robin solo / Paradise City

* watched 38,746 movies (just a small sample.. x3, da vinci code, poseiden, over the hedge, running scared, 16 blocks, derailed, mi3, seven swords, lucky number slevin, fearless, kiss kiss bang bang, ice age 2, chicken little, shiboni, v for vendetta, .....) on the business school lecture hall projector

* watched a ton of tv (24, prison break, entourage, desperate housewives, american inventor, lost, simpsons, american dad, family guy, .....)
* went to vegas!
* went to visit port elizabeth, NJ

So what's new with you, dawgster?

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a long while
71th day of 2006
It's been a while.

I'm tired and don't have much to say, so I'll just leave you w/ a video, an image, and an enlightening quote.




"Its just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar." -- Fry

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siamese guitars
20th day of 2006
Can you feel it?

The ultimate competition is upon us. Put in your nominations before it is too late. The mightiest storms, the most explosive stars, and the hairiest protistas are all traveling to NuTang to witness these forthcoming epic battles. I ask again: can you feel it?

If you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, just talk a look around the world wide web and read the Tales of Gargoyalians (by Stiphin Keng) . . .

Grimnirg, the infamous Embryonic Alien-warrior--the only warrior to have mastered all 218 prenatal fatalities--has not been seen for over thirty-five years. Legendos say he was killed by le_battement on the Battlesquid USSI fighting over the rare pale-hued mango flower. However, as we all know, legendos, unlike legends, are riddles with lies!! NEVER TAKE A LEGENDO FOR GRANTED!!! DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!! Anyway, Grimnirg is back!

Batio. Man or demon or de-man? This silly world may never know. Batio, half-brother and half-sister of Batista, is commonly known in Nordic legends (NOT legendos) as Dun de Haark Dii (translated to English as the "Double Axe Murderer"). As you can see, his weapon is now SHARPER THAN EVER!!!


More random online warrior sightings (list will be updated before next blog entry):
Gigi, the Rat Monster, The Mortal Combatants, Puffy the Puncher, Ping and Pong, Bruce Lee . . .

I fear even one of our own warriors, theZEBRA, has been paying late night visits to the dark side... as she now claims to have controlled the powers of the cockroach, the human foot, and the nuclear bomb all in the palm of her hand.

It is near.
It is coming.
Classes start on Monday.

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