You may be wondering why you are here, reading this crappy blog. Well, I'll tell you why! It's because you're a cheapskate. Birds of a feather flock together.

Don't be embarrassed by it, though. Don't ever be. In fact, though few people openly admit to being a complete cheapskate (I am one of the few), over 98% of the US are complete cheapskates.

Anyway, the reason you are here is because you are a cheapskate and you want to learn the art of surviving college as a complete cheapskate. Let me teach you this rare (martial) art. As the biggest and cheapest cheapskate on campus, I am a pundit on this topic.

The College Survival Guide (for cheapskates)
College is an expensive endeavor. Though your parents are probably paying for all of your college expenses (because you're a cheapskate), you should hold you weight by becoming the biggest cheapskate you can be.

In the cheapskate's mind, there are two types of expenses: necessary ones and unnecessary ones. A necessary expense is defined as a cost that is required to survive. For instance, housing and food are two necessary expenses. An unnecessary expense is not needed for survival. An example would be getting a haircut.

Your first step, thus, is to eliminate all unnecessary expenses. Don't get a bus pass (walk instead). Don't get haircuts (steal a rubberband from someone). Don't get a gym membership (do push-ups).

The necessary expenses are the problems. But, remember, as Sebastian Voltaire once said, there is no problem with no solution. Let me share some solutions.

Problem 1 - clothing
I assume you already have clothing. The objective then is not spend any more money on clothing during the entirety of your college years, while still increasing the size of your wardrobe. This is very easy to do!

You see, usually two times a year, many people come to campus to give college students free clothes. These benefactors all gather in the same room and put their free and new clothes on tables for college students to come and take. This is often called the cheapskate's christmas -- aka the career fair. Do not miss career fairs!

Problem 2 - books
College textbooks are incredibly expensive -- IF you buy them from the campus store.

Here are some tips for finding cheap textbooks:
- always buy your textbooks online
- use search engines that search for used books, e.g. www.campusbooks.com
- the cheapest ones are the low-price-edition paperbacks (aside: these books smell like gasoline, but who cares)

Problem 3 - stationary
For most pens, pencils, and the like, you can get them for free from the "cheapskate's christmas" events. In the beginning of the school year, you just need to go to some offices to swipe a few pens (e.g. career services office, registrars office). Or, you can always ask to borrow a pen from someone you know you'll never talk to (hopefully and see) again, and just conveniently forget to return his pen.

For paper, there's usually a box of free scrap paper by the public printers (public printers can be found in the libraries). If no librarian is looking, I think you're allowed to take fresh paper from the printer. When such an opportunity strikes, be true to your cheapskate heart and take as much as you can.

Problem 4 - housing
Try to sublet each semester. There two reasons for this:
1. the sublet price is cheaper than the original rent
2. you don't need to pay for extra months when you're not in school -- i.e. winter and summer months
If you're even cheaper than me (first, I give you my respek), you might be able to knock off this huge expense by living in campus buildings (like libraries). Good luck, my friend.

Problem 5 - food
Try and adopt the college student's lifestyle of going to bed at 3am and waking up at noon. This way, you wake up for lunch and, like magic, you saved yourself a meal.

EDIT: And, of course, hit the infosessions! (How could I have forgotten in my original post? I need to sharpen my cheapskate prowess.) Anyway, go to your school's career services website and look up all the infosessions. Infosessions are always in the evening and always provide free food (and maybe drinks). In other words, infosessions = free dinners. Note: oftentimes, multiple companies hold their infosessions on the same night. The infosessions with the best food are held by the investment banks.

If you must subscribe to a campus meal/dining plan, go for the cheapest plan. The most obvious reason for this is because the plans are extremely overpriced. It's much cheaper to eat microwaved rabid squirrels and grass salads.

Furthermore, usually the cheapest plan allows you one campus meal a day. In college, the dining hall typically operates like a buffet. A buffet = all-you-can-eat = a cheapskate's dream. There is like no security in a college dining hall, so just bring in your bookbag and purloin enough food for the coming day(s).

Well, this is all for now. I wish you luck in your ambitious and honorable goal of becoming a complete cheapskate. Remember, whenever you face the quandary of needing to spend money, take the time to ask yourself... Do I really need to spend money for this?

Do I really need to buy this CD to listen to this music... or can I download it?
Do I really need to go to the theatre to watch this movie... or can I download it?
Do I really need to purchase a legitimate copy of this software... or can I download it?
Do I really need to eat food tonight.. or can I download an image of it and print it from my roommate's printer when he's out of the room using the bathroom and then eat the paper that the image was printed on?

Categories: college [t]

Wow.
I can just imagine what your "Dating Survival Guide (for Cheapskates)" would look like... :] Kudos on another completely random/awesome entry, Dave.
» desertsnowstorm on 2006-06-12 02:04:40

Hi
Just wanted to say thanks for stopping and and leaving a comment. But yes, if you have any death threats or whatever I'd hurry up and edit or put on password, lol. Take Care
» Princess_00 on 2006-06-12 08:07:50

Dave strikes again!
i should probably go to my friend's house and print this out so i can always have your wonderfull advise. and if i ever get hunury, i can eat it. PS. i MIGHT be considering buying a pixel man. i'll show it to you on aim.
» middaymoon on 2006-06-12 01:20:38

Hooray!
And hooray for the cheapskate's christmas! They always give out free drinks, pizza and sausage sizzles as well. So that's food, clothing AND stationary in one!
» theZEBRA on 2006-06-13 04:04:37

?
How did I read your mind? And when did these word verifications that enable comments come into effect?
» juiCyy on 2006-06-13 04:11:34

re: theZEBRA
ah, that reminds me! infosessions = free dinners. I've edited my entry accordingly.
» dave on 2006-06-13 10:57:08

thank you
so much.
» of_your_mind on 2006-08-11 01:44:41

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