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dave
Age. 34
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. Chinese
Location Valley Village, CA
School. Cornell Univ
» More info.
Resolutions
19th day of 2007
2007. This will be the first I've taken the time to really think about and document new year's resolutions.

Here's my (long due) first draft:
*Get fit - lose weight and get a 4-pack
*Build my deteriorating vocabulary
*Read more - maintain a booklist and read at least 1 book/month (1 is a big jump!)
*Build a sustainable secondary income (of 2k+/mo) by April
*Learn more about finance and investing
*Do something big

Plugs: Resolutions

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The Christmas Story
357th day of 2006
Christmas is just around the corner, and so, I find it befitting to tell the romantic tale of how this precious holiday came to be.

It all began in the Medieval Ages. Christopher Columbus had just "discovered" the New World, throwing the entire world into a state of constant turmoil and flux. Every nation, even the Phillipines, wanted a piece of the new land. And thus, at the Treaty of Versailles, it was decided by the Lord that a tournament would be held where the winning nation could claim rightful ownership of this newly founded continent. This tournament was, of course, World War I.

At the start, there were four crowd favourites: Spain, England, Russia, and China. However, this was all to change when a brilliant man by the name of Albert Einstein was born.

Einstein was born quietly on a small hill in Antartica. He was said to be raised by Arctic foxes until the age of five when, driven by starvation during the Great Depression, mercilessly ate his guardians. With no money and no food, Einstein swam three million miles to the sandy shores of Khazakstan, where he became the indentured servant of Borat, a wealthy Khazakstani potassium exporter.

While under the servitude of Borat, he met Sinclair Seuss, another servant. Sinclair Seuss was a linguistic genius and taught Einstein the Seven Languages of the Ancient World. Einstein was then able to converse with all of God's creatures and from there, began to develop into the evil genius he was destined to be. From the trees, he learned Subatomical Physical Apparitional Chemistry (SPAC); from the ancient Egyptian spiders, he learned Infinite-Dimensional Calculii; and from the forces of nature, he learned how to harnest chi to control the dynamics of economical modulation.

Using these tools, Einstein started to develop powerful war machines, such as the nuclear bomb. At one million a pop, he sold one nuclear bomb to each of the thousand nations competing in WWI, making him a billionaire overnight. That night, he killed Borat and Kevin Federline, and freed his good friend, Seuss.

Seuss bid Einstein farewell and went on to attend medical school in South Africa. He would then spend the next thousand years learning and perfecting black magic.

Since every country now had a nuclear weapon, the landscape of this war was much changed. No country had a distinct edge and likewise, no country was bold enough to attack another. The result: a seemingly interminable war. The war was almost forgotten. The New World was left to the Pilgrims, Quakers, and Palestinians.

And then it happened (one thousand years later).

Einstein unveiled his new war machine, code name: Christmas. He revealed very little detail about this destructive device, except that, over the course of just one night, this machine could reach every household in the entire world. Such inconcievable power--defying the laws of physics, nature, and calculus!

It became obvious to all of the world's dictators that whomever had control of Christmas would win WWI. Thus, a huge bidding war begun (aka: World War II).

Meanwhile, Seuss had just graduated from medical school. Dr. Seuss was born. After spending one thousand years in medical school, Dr. Seuss was eyebrow deep in debt. In fact, he owed every loan shark in every nation his life.

He approached his old friend Einstein and begged him for 28 trillion
euros. Einstein said "No way!" Einstein then ordered his henchmen to have Dr. Seuss killed in the back alleys of Troy.

And then it happened.

Summoning the Spell of Narnia, Dr. Seuss ate the souls of Einstein's henchmen and swore revenge on his old friend. Fueled by vengeance and desperation, Dr. Seuss vowed to steal Christmas. He then drank four litres of Nickelodean Gack and transformed into the Grinch.

As the Grinch, he was a highly inconspicuous and well camaflouged with all surroundings. He stole Christmas with ease on December 25th and planted the evidence in Santa Clause's igloo on the North Pole. The rest, as they say, is history.

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Don't try this at home
352th day of 2006
Kids, don't try what these kids have tried (at home) at home.



Clearly, the two above are not true warriors.

I shall make my inevitable quest to the fairytale kingdom of Pennsylvania on Tuesday, via inter-nebulic transpermutation.

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Thanksgiving Turkey (The Cheapskate's Version)
329th day of 2006
I spent Thanksgiving in LA. (A trip home back East wasn't economically practical.)

Since I was to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner by myself, I went and got the smallest turkey I could catch. Check it:


Raw Glory


NuTang r0XORz!! - even the Turkey agrees


Thanksgiving feast w/ NuTang.com!


I finally got my microSD card, so I am now able transfer pics from my cell to the laptop. (Procuring an actual digital camera isn't economically feasible.)

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The Story of My Wife (Part II)
322th day of 2006
The is the second of a series of entries dedicated to my lovely wife. You can read Part I here.

For the next several weeks, my wife and I traveled westward, across Europe, towards the Mountains under the Setting Sun. We spent everyday together, and with each day, I was more and more amazed by my wife's wide array of talents.

As I said before, I was in awe of my wife.

Below is a picture of her. I guess it's about time to share one, heh.



After our first "home-cooked" meal, I realized that she was an uncanny chef, able to extract the most delicious of flavours from the most putrid of ingredients, such as wild Greek ass-grass and dead, rotting ginger-sea turtles. She was also a great singer and musician. At night, she could point out all the constellations. She was a great hunter, a great basketball player, a great carpenter, a great gymnast, a great chemist, a great electrical engineer, a great detective, a great bifurcator, a great conversationalist, a great farmer, a great laugher, a great driver, a great escape artist, a great inventor--

--a great everything! Every new thing we tried, she quickly excelled at. I felt like a fool at times, as I desperately tried to grasp the fundamentals of the new tasks at hand.

Was there anything that I could do better than her? I felt myself asking that question a lot... more and more with each passing day. And, with each successive day, my desire and need to prove myself grew stronger and stronger. All I needed was to surpass her in one task. Just one.

This became my obsession... and, little did I realize, I'd be willing to do anything to achieve this. Anything. And then it happened.

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Till Death Do We Part
312th day of 2006
Today, I was diagnosed with a rare and fatal medical condition called costochondritis.

According to eMedicineHealth.com:
"Costochondritis is an inflammation of the junctions where the upper ribs join with the cartilage that holds them to the breastbone or sternum. The condition causes localized chest pain that you can reproduce by pushing on the cartilage in the front of your ribcage. People with costochondritis typically have 1 month to 2 years to live."

How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last days of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I'll grant you I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by when they're busy making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost barely enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door.

If I die before seeing my wife again, please tell her that I'm sorry.

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